by tashlentine » Mon May 08, 2017 2:52 pm
I'm so similar to you!
I only really manage to affect change when a situation upsets/angers/frustrates me so much that I feel compelled to roll my sleeves up and sort it (or as I prefer to define it 'when something lights a fire under my donkey').
I know I can achieve huge things when I am motivated - like massive life-changing actions are easy when I have had enough of how things are. It makes me think 'wow! if I could apply myself like that to things I want to do just for me, not to prove a point to someone I could achieve so much!'
I've written goals out myself like Richard has suggested, but for some reason the motivation just isn't there for long - I would LOVE to do xyz, and I can charge ahead like a rocket... which is awesome for a month.. and then the rocket abruptly runs out of fuel and I'm back where I started.
For example - I got made redundant from my last job. I live in london where even lawyers can't afford to live in flats by themselves and need to flatshare. The flatshare market is hellish - flats are expensive and squalid - 40 year olds with 'respectable' jobs are forced to live like students in tiny mould-infested rooms, and finding a flatmate is almost as bad as speed-dating or applying for jobs. It's obscene and I've had enough. I've had enough of my sense of security being dependent on other people and having to uproot my entire life every time my lease comes up for renewal, my housemate wants to move in with his girlfriend, moves jobs or can't afford rent increases, or my department gets 'restructured'. I don't want to rely on other people whose lives and values fluctuate - so I had an idea to start my own business - to earn enough money to buy my own place where I don't have to worry about my rent going up or having to find and maintain a housemate, and where my success or failure depends on me, not on what some random person in HR who doesn't have a clue about what I actually do thinks my job is worth.
So I started my business, I did all the branding for it, I bought some products to put on my site... and for some reason I just became paralysed and the stuff has sat in my garage since January.
A lot of the self-help stuff I've read says that big goals are too daunting which is why they often fail and you need to break them down to smaller chunks so they're more easily achievable. If this approach works for you then that's awesome! Personally, I've I've tried doing that but the motivation just still isn't there for some reason and it's not from lack of wanting- it's like I need someone standing behind me with a cattle-prod to get me to take action. Which is ridiculous not to mention frustrating.
Having an accountability partner apparently helps some people so maybe that would help you? I have yet to try this myself - I've a feeling that regardless of of well-intentioned an accountability partner may be, if I fail to do something one day and have to admit it, I'll feel rotten about it and go further into my shell and become less likely to do something the next day and so the cycle continues.
I wish I could help on this one, but I just wanted you to know you're not the only one struggling with this.