by EdiBee » Sat Feb 17, 2018 1:29 pm
Indeed, the friends, the party buddies. You've said it, you have nothing in common with them except for weed. That is telling.
Quitting this destroying habit it's not an easy task, but as others have said very wisely in this forum, don't see it as loosing something, rather as winning a lot of things. We're often afraid of change but we have to get and keep this courage of bringing this enormous change, this rebirth to our lives.
I am exactly in the same situation. I zeroed in what was not working in my life. I had to be honest with myself and have this courage to get away of my comfort zone. So there were these friends I had been seeing an awful lot the last six or seven years -almost all my 30's, precious age. What did we do? "Party all the time". Drink beers, smoke weed, sometimes take speed or coke, have "fun". But it gets redundant very fast. I had a girlfriend last year which I lost in part due to my smoking and partying. I did not understand why it annoyed her so much. Now I know. But I had to change my perspective on that.
So now here I am, alone and reconstructing. When I moved in this place from her apartment, where we've been living together for 3 years, I still used to smoke, and I was happy because now I would finally be free to smoke and do all the drugs I wanted. But something happened -the famous switch of conscience- and I understood how stupid all of this was. I've been wasting too much time smoking, drinking, and dreaming awake, doing nothing, complaining about life, how things I wanted to happen didn't happen.
So now I had to get away of these friends. Good guys, but too much smoking, and not interested in putting aside the vice. It was somehow hard because we've been very close for all these years but these things are necessary. This change has been wonderful: now I am more time alone but happier, healthier in my body and mind. It feels so great, this is life. I know some more magic rewards are coming, like new friends with whom I will connect for other reasons than weed, and a new girlfriend with whom I'll can construct a sane relationship.
I stopped drinking too 3 weeks ago and as it might seem a radical, even bold change, because alcohol is such a socially admitted drug, it's another awesome gift I gave to myself. When I drank, I wanted to smoke again. Alcohol, as it's known, free your impulsiveness, among other not so bright things. I'm tired of acting stupid, be dumb. I know I have more value than that.
So now my life it's pretty sane. I work, I go to university, I come back at home and sip herbal tea, read books, pet my cat, go to bed early and I am finally starting to have good sleep, after 3 months of exhaustion due to withdrawal symptoms. I go out for long walks or jogs, eat healthy, a lot of vegetables, no red meat. This is my new life and in someway, I have to be thankful that I wasted all these years partying because without that "lost" time, I would not have lived this peace I'm living now. And it's only starting.
I wish the best to you Recovery and all you who are reading this forum and feeling the moment of your true life has finally arrived.
Ed