I surrender.

Postby redeemme » Wed Jun 14, 2017 3:49 am

I am a 35 year old female with 2 young kids (5 & 6). Up until about 4 years ago, I was perfectly normal and healthy. Soon after getting out of the Army and becoming a homemaker to focus on raising up our 2 children, I have developed extreme anxiety. It started out slowly with illness anxiety disorder and occasional panic attacks. However, it has now started to disrupt my life. I don't even want to get out of bed sometimes because I fear the anxiety itself. The anxiety has become so intense that I literally feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I have tried to explain away all of my symptoms, thinking that there must be some underlying illness to be causing all of this anxiety, but visits to the doctor have revealed nothing. I have constant brain fog, irritability, and anxiety. I am afraid to take medication. I just need hope. I need to hear how someone else has overcome this! I have kept journals trying to pinpoint my thoughts but sometimes the anxiety comes out of nowhere, meaning that I'm not really thinking about anything of importance. I have started to dread each day.
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#1

Postby Luke » Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:47 am

Unexplainable mental illness is scary, just like some people dont like to be in the dark, imagine that feeling inside your own head.

I also fear to get out of bed,
I try not to think of what tasks and things are involved, just do what needs to be done, try to train your mind to concentrate on the important things perhaps, this is how i keep from throwing up every day. You are a very strong person to withstand the army and you're kids are so lucky to have such a dependable mother. You can do this whole life thing easily, its nothing. Sometimes if you really need, adrenaline helps, think of something where you win in a fight type scenario and you feel powerful, it will help you stop the panic attack if its not too bad
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#2

Postby tokeless » Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:58 am

I am afraid to take medication. I just need hope.

You may need to take medication to help you begin your improvement? Hope is a belief but you have none right now. The worst thing that can happen with meds is they may not suit you or work... ok, then stop them. The best case is they help you see through the fog and then you can work a way out.. if you were scared in the army of doing something, did you have the choice to not do it? Use those experiences to get you going... try the medication.

Best wishes
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#3

Postby Luke » Wed Jun 14, 2017 7:10 am

The only way i survive is knowing it will take more than this to do me in. Sort of a bravado effect, has stopped my panic attacks before, its all in your head after all, think a different thing feel a different way.

And the medication can be a blessing depending how they react inside your body and if you get many side effects.
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#4

Postby redeemme » Wed Jun 14, 2017 1:21 pm

Thank you Tokeless and Luke for the encouragement. After another sleepless night, I scheduled an appointment for today with my family care doctor. Since it has been about a year since my last check-up, I want to have blood work drawn to ensure that it is not something hormonal. My family care doctor has written me a low dose prescription before for Xanax. I was afraid to have it filled. After this appointment, I will follow up with a mental health professional. I didn't want to try the medication because of my children, but I believe at this point, for their sake, I need to exhaust all options. I would love to be able to be the mother that they deserve and I'm sure they would love to have their fun mommy back.
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#5

Postby tokeless » Wed Jun 14, 2017 2:37 pm

You can only start at the beginning... this is a start. Good luck and stay with it.
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#6

Postby redeemme » Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:37 pm

The doctor prescribed Sertraline, the generic version of Zoloft. I am starting tomorrow. He told me it would take a few weeks to show improvement. I am also going to search for a mental health professional to speak with as well. I will keep y'all updated. I remember years ago, before all of this started, waking up refreshed and feeling hopeful about the new day ahead. Now, I wake up dreading getting out of bed knowing that I will be fighting off anxiety all day. I am looking forward to feeling hope again and embracing the day with high expectations. I no longer want to live inside my own head with its endless reel of thoughts but to be in the present moment enjoying life.
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#7

Postby quietvoice » Wed Jun 14, 2017 10:03 pm

TrueCompanion wrote:Please contact me for help with your problems (504) 655-2539
Glen

Nine out of your eleven posts say this same thing.
Ya got anything more creative?
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#8

Postby redeemme » Thu Jun 15, 2017 2:11 am

Ok. I am not sure that I am willing to take these prescription drugs. I know. Back at this again. Does anyone know of natural herbs that will ease anxiety?
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jun 15, 2017 4:56 am

redeemme wrote:Ok. I am not sure that I am willing to take these prescription drugs. I know. Back at this again. Does anyone know of natural herbs that will ease anxiety?


What is driving your anxiety? Fear of spiders? There must be a trigger, a thought, a theme that is causal. You mentioned illness.
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#10

Postby redeemme » Thu Jun 15, 2017 11:55 am

Mostly I fear being alone with my kids. I fear that something might happen to me and that they wouldn't know what to do. I've had several people very close to me to suddenly die about 5 years ago and that's when the illness anxiety started. I believe I may also have PTSD from the military that has not been formerly diagnosed. Mainly, I worry that I am going to die. It's not necessarily that I am afraid of dying, but I am afraid of how that would affect my children. However, sometimes the anxiety is for no reason at all.
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#11

Postby redeemme » Thu Jun 15, 2017 11:56 am

I think at this point I have anxiety about the anxiety.
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#12

Postby redeemme » Thu Jun 15, 2017 11:15 pm

So, I took the medicine and there is NO WAY I would take this again. I have been bugging out all day, pacing, feeling sick, feeling paranoid, and can't sit still. I feel bat crazy!! I'd rather deal with the anxiety than this crap! At this point I will explore natural alternatives and regular counseling.
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#13

Postby Luke » Fri Jun 16, 2017 6:41 am

The first side effects last a few dayz and lessen after the first day.

Iv only ever used sertraline, trazadone and amitriptyline. All made me a bit spaced out and half hour after taking one i was guna hit the deck. But it got less n less and i ended up normal, then i was working away ran out of talets come off them and after a while the usual thoughts and feelings started coming back.

Side effects of the tablets for a little while or depression and anxiety forever, the tablets are the easy way out.

Diet exercise and socialness is what our brain requires, also many activities help keep us sane, feeling an accomplishment will release dopamines which help, video games can induce this, there are other ways to help if you understand why you have these feelings and thoughts, but tablets are everyones easy option
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#14

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jun 16, 2017 12:15 pm

redeemme wrote:Mostly I fear being alone with my kids. I fear that something might happen to me and that they wouldn't know what to do. Mainly, I worry that I am going to die.


Educate yourself and your children. Start with small things like what to do in case of an emergency, then move to more serious subjects like resolution of loss, dealing with grief, etc. As the adult, start by educating and preparing yourself first, building your confidence in your skills and knowledge related to mortality. Education is a powerful natural treatment for anxiety.

I've had several people very close to me to suddenly die about 5 years ago and that's when the illness anxiety started. It's not necessarily that I am afraid of dying, but I am afraid of how that would affect my children.


Affect your children? When you lost a loved one how did it affect you? Did the world stop? No. Was it painful? Yes. Were you physically hurt? No. Did you live, did you carry on with life? Yes. Was it easy? No.

Here you are after suffering a terrible loss, a perfectly fine, normal, healthy individual with one exception, that you have anxiety over the above affects. But which of the above affects is so awful, so irrecoverable? Are there affects I have missed? What might those be and how did you handle them?

I think the anxiety might be making it difficult for you to slow down, breath, take a step back and begin to focus one at a time on each of the affects losing a love one has and how one by one you resolved these affects. One by one you went through the process of grief and you came out okay.

Maybe an exercise that might help you is to take out a sheet of paper and one by one create a list of how loss affected you, other than anxiety. Then next to each item list how you moved on, how you dealt and recovered as part of the natural process of grief. This should help reduce your anxiety as you begin to realize that while loss of a loved one sucks rather big time, it is something one handles and moves forward in life.
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