Anxiety & Relationships

Postby estrella86 » Thu Jun 29, 2017 6:33 pm

I am suffering from anxiety that wont go away and I think it has to do with my past relationship which is not allowing me to enjoy my new one.

PAST REALTIONSHIP
We dated for about 10 months, he was madly in love with me which made me really love (or love the way he loved me) alot. It has been a while since I been in a realtionship and I enjoyed this one very much even though I knew we werent right for each other. He ended up being a sociopath , stole a lot of money from me , left out of the country and married someone else. I was destroyed. It took me a long time to recover


CURRENT RELATIONSHIP

I met him at work in the mist of my heart break. Everything about him is perfect and we developed a great friendship, I knew right away I was interested in him and obsessed about him so that I wouldn't obsess about my ex. Our friendship developed and 6 months later we are officially dating. Alot of things happened in this time , he was in a long term realtionship with a woman he was unhappy with and as our friendship delevoped he broke up with her , then him and I got together. When I learned about his girlfreind i was taken back and heart broken bc he did not want to talk about her or tell me about her bc he did not want to ruin what he had but just a note: he did not make any moves on me while he was with her and it was strickly a friendship even though it was obviously we both liked each other. BUT when he finally did tell me i was heartbroken


Now, with my current relationship he is everything I ever wanted PLUS more and we have a great foundation and freinship but I have so much anxiety when I am not with him. I have a heavy heart and I feel like my heart break from my ex is creeping back up for some reason and I can't shake it off , or these thoughts that he's not the one or that he will leave me but everything was so different just a few months ago.

I feel like my anxiety that he will do the same thing to me that my ex did is creeping up loud and clear and I don't know what to do bc I DID NOT LOVE MY EX yet i enjoyed that relationship so much bc I was single for a long time and ready to be with someone. IDK WHAT TO DO :( when my boyfriend and I are together though I don't feel anxiety and am really happy thinking and talking about our future , i really want my new relationship to work out I really want our future plans to come to life and I don't want my anxiety and fears to over come. :(
estrella86
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#1

Postby samthecat19 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 3:57 pm

i understand this completely.
i also dated a guy for two years who was madly in love with me, but i never loved him back the same and eventually i couldn't do it anymore.

i'm now also in a newish relationship, my boyfriend of 8 months wants me to move state with him! but lately i've been having anxiety that i'll stop loving him, that i'll ruin our relationship, that this relationship is just like my last, etc etc

and honestly i'm not sure yet how to deal with this. so i can't be of too much help but sometimes reminding myself it's just a junk thought helps. i think if i actually did not love him i would have left.
anxiety will take any frequent thought we have and try to use it against us. i thought about my boyfriend a lot, and now suddenly my anxiety is trying to get him under its belt.
just try to allow yourself to live in the moment, i know it's so much harder to actually do that but try to.
remind yourself when these thoughts happen that this is what you want. that you care for this man and want to grow with him. if you didn't you would have already ended things.
i hope this kind of helped :/
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