Does it ever end!

Postby Blahhh » Fri Jul 07, 2017 12:24 pm

Hey all

So wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere as the evil beast is having a field day..

Been struggling for pretty much all my life with something, depression/anxiety/cptsd/moody bitch syndrome/worthless person programming.... I digress you get the picture. I have absolutely no idea what label I should use to describe the struggle. I probably know where it came from bad parenting, emotional neglect, abuse etc etc. Recent problems and one that is sending me into depression is the boyfriend thing. Met a great man who is understanding, sympathetic, caring, fun, loving you get the picture. Never had anything of the like, which to be honest I feel I put myself in a better place that allowed him to enter my life. So some good work achieved over the last year. He has asked me to move in with him and on good days it feels like an excitement, and I am very much wanting to do it. Trouble is the evil beast has started telling me that I am sh** and not worth it, that I am not going to be able to manage my anxiety etc and he is going to get fed up pretty quickly. I really don't want to go down that road as I am not sure I can have another person disregard me because of a disease. It just adds to the sense of worthlessness..... Up to now have managed it very well. But I can feel it creeping in and worst of I am reacting to it. For example today he rang me about my car problem which is being very helpful and sorting out. I asked how he was, we chatted, but he didn't ask me how I was feeling (I have been a tad anxious this last couple of days) but then he asked as an afterthought well which felt like an afterthought how I was. I told him I was fine... I clearly wasn't. Emotions ran wild....he didn't really want to know how I was, just paying lip service, I have become a burden to him, I'm always upset, he just want s to know about the good times... There is no evidence to suggest that the above is true. I am not always upset and I think managing quite well considering. We have always talked through stuff and listens quite well most of the time. Anyhow all I wanted to do then was text him with all the accusations. Thankfully I didn't and said something more adult like instead. But whole being is saying break up, it's only going to end up like your thinking and perhaps it will if I let the bigger take over like self perpetuating or something.. But the urge to was overwhelming it seems so real.... I want to tell that voice to F off but it's bloody strong.. I guess the real questions for me are should I move in with him knowing I have this sh** to deal with and feel I shouldn't put it on him afraid I'm going sour the relationship.

Thanks for listening to my garb any comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated
Blahhh
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 11:59 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Cooler » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:24 am

Hi Blahhh,

IMHO anxiety/depression is real illness and anyone coping with it is to be respected. This includes you.

Yes, we cannot make the "voice" go away, but we can learn to ignore it with the right strategies and help. The most important thing, for me, is to realise that the voice is the illness, it is not our relationships with other people. Once we can make that distinction (and it is hard) we have a good chance of living more normally.

I hope this eases for you, and that life gets better.

c.
Cooler
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 1991
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:35 am
Likes Received: 7

#2

Postby Blahhh » Sun Jul 16, 2017 7:42 am

Thank you cooler for responding

Your right it is hard to make that distinction and I guess that's what I have learned this last year.

Argggg it's just such a beast though isn't it!! Thank fully talked it through with the man thing and bless him, his word were. We will put the naughty beast In the cupboard when it's misbehaving... He gets it. Think I've found a good un!!!

Thank you again for taking the time to respond

Here's to keeping the beast where it belongs

Take care

Blahhh
Blahhh
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 11:59 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Candid » Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:20 am

Blahhh wrote:Been struggling for pretty much all my life with something, depression/anxiety/cptsd/moody bitch syndrome/worthless person programming.... I digress you get the picture. I have absolutely no idea what label I should use to describe the struggle. I probably know where it came from bad parenting, emotional neglect, abuse etc etc.


From one moody bitch to another, I recommend FOG forum http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/. A high proportion of members there are struggling with the same problems, and it would be nice to have their support so you don't blow it with this good man, wouldn't it?
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8403
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 356



Return to Anxiety and Panic Attacks