Was this sexual experimentation ? I am ashamed of my past .

Postby Eutopia » Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:47 am

I am a 16 year old male who is currently going through a phase of low self-esteem and guilt . At this age I have become aware of my past and some of the poorly choices that I made .

When I was 7 , that was the age where I was involved in sexual activities with 2 people also watching porn for the first time. The 1st one was a girl I met in 1st grade , we became friends and she even had a crush on me at that time . We would chase each other around the playground , sit at the same group of desks . I developed a impulse , a curiosity of how the female body looked beneath the clothing . There was no penetration or force involved , I would tell her to lower her pants and I would touch what was exposed or look at it sometimes . Only for a few seconds or a minute since we were in class , this went on for some of the school year but it eventually stopped . I don't remember much from 1st grade but she didn't seem to be uncomfortable , although sometimes she would say she would tell her mom . She always wanted me in front of her in line , and she seemed really happy when her mom would babysit me , also patting my head before getting off the bus . I didn't saw her until 3rd grade but my impulse and curiosity ended long ago . She still remembered me , our friendship still seemed to be intact since her and her friend would joke around with me sometimes not to mention she still had a crush on me . I regret not apologizing to her during that year , because I never saw her after 3rd grade again . I wanted her to know that it was never my intention to act so exotic .

The second part was when I was still 7 . I stayed at home from school but my dad took me to a babysitter that my mom knew .
The babysitter had a son that I became friends with , we had fun times but I never interacted with the little sister . She was 2 years old since she still had her diaper . One day I was in the boys room looking at the toys since I was bored and then the sister came in , once again I felt the same impulse so I scooted to the sister and removed the diaper . I touched what was exposed but only for a few seconds before putting the diaper back on again . She didn't know what was occuring and this happened again on the same day . Her mother came in and caught me she told me not to touch her like that . That made me snap back into my senses and the only thing I could think of was..

" What the hell was I doing "? . After that I never did this again , that impulse vanished after the mother caught me . For 9 years I remained away from commiting any sexual acts . I need some advice before deciding to get a therapist when I'm older because this is really bothering me and putting me deeper into a abyss of guilt and remorse . I have regrets in my life such as the thought of me not being a good son and I recently decided to change my attitude in the house , ending my porn addiction that started when I was 14 , and this .. Am I normal ? Weird ? I feel like a bad person each time this comes into my mind .
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:56 am

You were exposed to porn at an early age. It created a sense of curiosity. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
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