Old Habits Certainly Do Die Hard- Weed, Here We Are Again

Postby Irishgal89 » Sat Jul 15, 2017 8:14 pm

Hey Everyone

I am new to the uncommon knowledge forum, this is my first post.

I suppose I've joined because like everyone, I'm in need of a bit of help.

After 14 months away from weed, I've recently began smoking again, and of course, I'm right back to smoking regularly, even though I thought I would be okay with the odd joint. (Who was I kidding huh?)

Giving up weed and staying off it, was most definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
The first few months were hell on earth! But after that, things got better. I had more of a life, I was so much happier, and things were so much better for me.
I decided to quit because weed wasn't my friend any more. It made me miserable.
It gave me depression and anxiety, and generally made me feel worthless.
I smoked for 8 years daily.
I knew It had to go.
So after many attempts and a lot of encouragement from friends, I got off it.

In December of last year, I shared a joint with a friend for the first time again on my birthday, thinking I would be okay. And i was, at first.
I smoked every now and then In company, and then began to have one at home on my own here and there, and by March I was back to buying it again.
It's been pretty steady since then.
I haven't bought any in about 2 weeks, but have got enough for one od two from friends since then.
Tonight I've been frantically scraping the grinder for dust, and just ended up feeling very low after it.
I don't want to be that girl anymore.
All of these unfavorable behaviours have began creeping there way back in to my life since I started smoking again, and I am NOT comfortable with it. Not in the least bit.

The only good thing about this situation, is that I know I can remove myself from it.
I've done it once, and I can do it again.
I've gained so much awareness since I quit the first time, and now I am not comfortable to sit and carry on smoking like it's no big thing. I want my life back. I want to explore the world and have new experiences and travel and I know none of this is going to happen while I have a joint in my hand.

I think a lot of it has to do with my living situation.
I live at home and do not have a good relationship with my mother, however I am moving out next month as the situation is not healthy. My mother is also a smoker, so it doesn't help knowing it is in the house.So I am taking steps to take myself out of the house and get set up on my own.
I have a good job in Nursing, and have good friends and family around me who are supportive
I am still young, only 27. I am healthy.
I have all of these positive things in my life, yet still find it hard to take joy out of them when I am not smoking, it's just crazy. I feel a bit guilty for having so much and not really appreciating it. I have a lot more than most but yet it's just not enough! I'm ashamed to say that, I really am.
I don't want to waste anymore of the prime of my life!
I want out, I really do.
But the obsession with smoking is back, and I need help!!

I know it's just a matter of DOING IT! And i know I can.
I've been down the 12 Step road, and attended meetings for a year but the 12 step groups are just not for me. I feel like i have reached a plateau with them.
I've attended CBT counselling for a year which was great!
I've done life coaching programmes which have been great too.

I don't really know what I am expecting back from the forum but if anyone has been through something similar and can offer some perspective, that would be wonderful.

Thanks s much :)
Irishgal89
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#1

Postby tokeless » Sat Jul 15, 2017 8:29 pm

Hi.. the quitting you know how to do just do that again. The staying off is the battle because our minds create the beliefs that we can control it. All I can advise is to accept and know the kind of smoker you are. I was wake and bake all day all night, everyday... just consumed it. I knew people who could smoke at weekends or just evenings or even now and then. I couldn't do that so I realised when I stopped I couldn't smoke again. Once I knew that it made me happy and I didn't miss it. I think about it in terms of 'remember when' or a song comes on etc, but I'm done and better for it. Hope that helps?
Best wishes
tokeless
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#2

Postby Furtive » Sat Jul 15, 2017 10:37 pm

It sounds like you recognise the truth about your trouble so I think you'll be okay.

I had a really hard time with "not enjoying what I should" when I first started admitting weed was a problem.
Looking back now I think weed cheapens everything positive in my life.
It's therefore necessary for me to go through a really unpleasant phase of feeling like everything positive is a lie, during withdrawals.

But stuff like that can be used to help your determination to get free of it again.
Furtive
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