I feel unwanted...

Postby Kernel » Tue Jul 25, 2017 2:59 pm

I feel like i'm trying too hard to be friends with someone who just doesn't have any interest in being my friends anymore. I mean, this person and I are supposed to get along well, but since a while, she seems so distant to me, and especially me only. I don't understand. I feel like she got tired of me, and it hurts me so much...
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#1

Postby Frozendummy » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:40 pm

Hi I had to respond because me and you had a similar situation. On your part it's a self worth issue but one you need to clear the air and ask this person what's the issue, have you done something to upset them or is it just that they are not honest with you and they want to not be around you any longer. If this person just does not like you any more it's gonna sting like mad, it's gonna take a while to get over it. If you had stronger self worth esteem then you would obviously tell them to sod off and tell them you are the better person and they are missing out on you. I do care, some people don't understand they forget emotions do hurt whether it your fault or not. Try ignoring your fears or mind and asking your heart for an answer. If you like them then send them love but if you are attaching onto them. Nobody can beg to have someone like you if they don't want too. It's harsh and I've been in a similar situation and I'm still hurting now. These things are hard to let go of.
I send love and comfort to you xx frozen
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Wed Jul 26, 2017 1:27 pm

There's a couple of things here you need to remember. How you feel is your responsibility, because by definition it is your filtering system through which you value yourself. If you are trying to find merit in yourself by watching how other people respond to you, plan on staying on that ride of confusion and dismay for a lifetime.

Your sense of self-worth must start with YOU. You should never let others define you. You define yourself through which you build your value system and a strong base from which to guide you through life. Why is this important? Because if you have no internal measure to establish yourself, then how do you ever know when someone is treating you good or bad, or using you? You become a puppet by which you lean on others to tell you how to feel and what you're worth. Most people wear out when asked to do those things for you. Others take advantage and dispose of you later.

So don't go up to this person and ask them what you did wrong. First check yourself and make sure you're not placing some irrational expectation on this person to make you feel a certain way. People can have good days and bad days. They can have runs where things are just not going well for them. The last thing they need to hear is why they didn't cater to someone's insecurities when they might be the ones who need the understanding.

So instead of asking her what's wrong, maybe a better way to approach this is to say, " You look like you're having a tough day. Is there anything I can do to help?" Don't make the topic about you. Make it about being a friend to them. Sometimes people can have a whole lot going on and just don't know how to express it, so it comes out in unintended ways.

So check yourself. Make sure it's not just you projecting something that isn't there. If you find that's not the case and see some real personality changes happening, then just be a thoughtful friend and ask them if there's anything you can do to assist them. Inquire but keep it about them. If they deny it then just tell them how they are acting. But don't twist it to how it makes you feel. Then you run off into the weeds and it becomes about you. Make it about them and see if they come clean. You only control yourself. So if someone is acting off from their normal routine, then ask them to account for what is happening. The truth has a funny way of coming out when you stick with the rule of who is responsible. You are responsible for you. They are responsible for themselves. All my best.
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#3

Postby Candid » Wed Jul 26, 2017 2:06 pm

Livetowin wrote:So instead of asking her what's wrong, maybe a better way to approach this is to say, " You look like you're having a tough day. Is there anything I can do to help?" Don't make the topic about you. Make it about being a friend to them.


Yeah, that.
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