Emotional Intelligence in Women and the Weaponized Heart

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Aug 13, 2017 9:49 am

Emotional Intelligence in Women and the Weaponized Heart

I recently had an intelligent discussion with an Angry Woman made much angrier by the dissolution of her Marriage. It seems that her Husband had had enough of the constant interplay of Anger between himself and his wife, and finally decided to Leave.

Well, many Angry People come to this Forum for Help and Insight into how to overcome their Anger. But some Angry People come to the Anger Management Forum to obtain Validation… that while Anger is normally considered a Bad Thing, that in their own Particular Cases, with all the extenuating circumstances, their Anger is Perfectly Justified… even Noble and Righteous. In this Case the Angry Lady who lost her Husband because of her Anger was one of the one’s seeking Validation, and her Argument for Self-Justification was quite interesting. You see, Women, as many Studies have shown, have Superior Emotional Intelligence, it being understood that their Superiority is over Men. Therefore, it follows that it is Up to Women, in their Marriages and Relationships, to take the Emotional Lead and Call All of the Emotional Shots in the Relationship. For Men this would mean that they would need to work Very Hard in order to Make Up For their Emotional Deficits, and that requires A Lot of Talking – Talking from the Heart, and a Great Deal of Listening on their Part because, since they are provenly so Emotionally Stupid they would probably not have much of worth that they could possible say, except to make their Inevitable Mistakes so that the Wise Women could wisely correct their errors. Yeap. We can all imagine what great Fun that would be for a Man, huh?

Yes, and She had her Sources. Apparently there are Books which are Targeted to that Niche Market of Women who Wish to be Told Exactly what they Want to Hear. And, yes, actual Licensed Psychologists are apparently not above the Temptation of grabbing up money that would be thrown at them if only they could Select their Truths very carefully. Here we can note that Many of the Books that Psychologists write for the Popular Market are not submitted for Publication to any University Press or Scientific Organization and so escape any critical Peer Review. Don’t Lie to other Scientists, but it is okay to lie to Housewives with too much money on their hands.

BUT, putting my cynicism aside for a moment, we DO have a situation where She IS perfectly Right in her own way. Women ARE more Emotionally Intelligent than Men, and Women WOULD BE Happier, at least temporarily , if they could SOMEHOW convince their Men to be Submissive Emotionally. The only ‘Fly in the Ointment’ there is that very few men would submit to being THAT ‘Hen Pecked’, and I would go further and assert that Women aren’t REALLY turned on by Passive and Submissive Men anyway. We need to remember Women’s Needs in Evolutionary Terms. What could Possibly Be the Survival Value of Mating with the most Passive and Submissive Man in the Tribe? But Anthropologists tell us that Women by far prefer Men who have Dominance, Power, Rank and Status – The ‘Alpha Males’.

I suppose the Angry Lady I speak of is caught up in a Modern World and Society where she can’t possibly be happy, and this goes for most Women today. You see, not all men are Alpha Males (indeed, I would guess only One in Ten), but that is who they would clearly prefer. So Women of today settle for who they can get, and then they are inevitably disappointed. But back in Primitive Times the few Alpha Males in most Tribal Society were NOT Monogamous and probably worked through the ‘Active’ Women of the Tribe on a kind of Schedule, where no Woman got all she wanted but Every Woman got enough to be Happy – happy in Memories and happy in Hopes for the Next Time.

Oh, and I suspect THAT is where all this Feminine Emotional Intelligence springs up from. You see if Women DO have Superior Emotional Intelligence, and it is proven that they do, then it must have some Evolutionary Survival Power. It could be argued then that Primitive Women in none-monogamous tribal settings dominated Sexually by a few Alpha Males would have to develop a Full Range of Emotional Devises to Improve the Frequency of their Sexual Encounters. So, first of all, we could expect Women to develop the Art of Flattery. Now Flattery is of Two Kinds in this regards – She can Praise the Alpha Male directly, or she could Please him by Ridiculing his Rivals. Now, think about how far Emotional Intelligence could go in developing an effective Ridicule (oh and consider that Ridicule is the Mother of Humor, and a Good Insult still gets a Good Laugh). For instance, The Woman could take note of all the Alpha Male’s personal insecurities and then Reflect them onto his Rivals. For instance if the Alpha Male is self-conscious about sometimes dragging his knuckles on the ground , then a perfect Ridicule of his Rivals might involve her calling them a bunch of weak sissy ‘knuckle draggers’. That would make him Laugh and feel Good when she was around, and so he might decide to Skip the Schedule and Do her more often. That would give us our Survival Value for Emotional Intelligence.

But apparently there is more than just that. I am probably not the only one to have ever noticed how Viciously Catty Women can be to each other. Now, Cattiness would have No Effect if Women would ignore it, but apparently many women don’t and are negatively affected by it. If it IS truly the case that Many Women can be ‘Psyched Out’ by the Insults and Backbiting coming from other Women – for instance, making them feel Insecure about their Personal Appearance, then THAT would Screw with their Self Esteem and ability to Confidently approach the Alpha Male, and give the Conniving Scheming Catty Backbiters an Evolutionary Advantage. Again this gives us an Evolutionary Survival Value for Emotional Intelligence.

Yes, so Women DO have greater Emotional Intelligence. That is Proven. BUT LOOK WHAT THEY USE IT FOR! Of course it is also a confirmed fact of Studies that Women foster Cooperation better than Men and that is certainly a Valuable Contribution from their Superior Emotional Intelligence, but it seems that Everything can be Both a Blessing and a Curse, and that Emotional Intelligence has a serious Dark Side.

Women take their Superior Emotional Intelligence and use to Weaponize their Hearts.

In Primitive Time when the Only Men in their lives were Desirable Alpha Males (with all lesser men chased away to play with themselves in the Forest) the Emotional Intelligence of Women was used to Please and Flatter the A-Men, and the Dark Side used only to Ridicule all others. This was Great for the Alpha Males back then. But what about Today? Well, of course the Alpha Men of Today are still getting plenty. But what of the remaining 90%? As I said above, Circumstances of Modern Society are forcing Women to take on None-Dominant Males – the kind of Lesser Males that in Primitive Times, if they ever had Sexual Intercourse at all, it would have been with the Rejected Old Ladies that were bumped off the Active Schedule (probably at around 20 years old), or the opportunities they would have when Raiding Other Tribal Villages in the form of nonconsensual Rape. So what are Women supposed to do Today, given this unhappy convergence of unfortunate circumstances? They can pretend to be happy for a while, but it shouldn’t surprise us when that Dark Side, so sharply honed by Evolution, rears up and strikes out. Yes, of course we can never Blame the Victim but when Men find themselves so much “outgunned” by the power of Women to insult and humiliate them, often the Men respond with violence. This is certainly wrong. Once a Woman resorts to insult, the only Gentlemanly Thing to Do is to ask Her for her Key, or if it is Her Place, to leave oneself. Unless a Man has a certain Self Consciousness of being an Alpha Male Himself, and they tend to know this about themselves implicitly, then it should go without saying that any relationship they have with a woman is going to be either asexual or conditional and reserved (not really whole hearted ) and probably just temporary. This may be Frustrating for the Man, but if he can come to terms with it, and understand it from the Females point of View, then Violence would be seen only as a kind of Loser’s Sour Grapes. As a Non-Alpha he should have considered himself lucky to get anything at all.

Anyway, these were a few of the mental ruminations I had after speaking to that Unfortunately Angry Lady, a victim of the Times she lives in. She would have been so much happier as a Primitive.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Aug 13, 2017 10:41 am

Leo Volont wrote: You see, Women, as many Studies have shown, have Superior Emotional Intelligence, it being understood that their Superiority is over Men. Therefore, it follows that it is Up to Women, in their Marriages and Relationships, to take the Emotional Lead and Call All of the Emotional Shots in the Relationship.


Interesting ruminations.

I would be interested in these many studies. As you stated much research is not peer reviewed. I would also be interested if a single researcher drew the conclusion you submit follows from the findings.

Can you please provide a single test for emotional intelligence that has been scientifically validated?

I have provided a link below from a 2012 article with 43 references, many which dispute the overall validity of EI tests, let alone that an EI test shows any differences in gender.

Just my opinion, but like the pseudo-science of the Myers-Briggs personality tests that everyone pays huge sums to take, I find the level of research on EI to be of a similar nature, having limited if any credibility, but making big money.

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10. ... 3912445811
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Postby Leo Volont » Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:07 am

Oh, Hi Richard,

It is always very good to hear from you, and particularly This Time. It seems that you are providing me with something of a Reality Check for which I really have no answers for. You see, I had taken My Assumptions for my Musings from the Post of one of our Newest Members, and since I had seen, hear and there, much of the same kind of cant and assertions, I suppose I simply took it that It was All True. But it would not be the first time I've been fooled and acted foolishly.

So, Richard, thank you for coming to the Rescue. I would hope that people would see your Comment as an instance of the Anger Management Forum being in a Way Self Correcting.

Also, to tell you the Inner Truth, I really didn't Want To Think about the validity of Those Assumptions that I garnered from our New Member, but decided it might be Fun to Assume they were True and then to Think About How that Would All Play Out. and that brought to that Caveman Story and suggestions of the first Harem Societies, which I found amusing, and that brought me to the Suggestion that Modern Society simply could never achieve the Same Levels of Happiness as those Long Ago By Gone Caveman Days, which was delicious for me because of its Irony.

Oh, I tried to look at that Study you directed to but it was behind the Gates of PDF Downloads and Passwords. But I do trust YOUR appraisal of the Scientific Study, and frankly I am quite relieved. Also the Idea that Women and Men are on a par in regards to this Hazy Thing called Emotional Intelligence fits well with Further Ruminations I had had (when does Thinking ever Stop?). You see, when I was thinking of Very Clever Women, and for myself I was defining Emotional Intelligence in terms of Being Able to be Emotionally Manipulative others, it began to occur to me that I knew of just about the Same Number of very Manipulative Men. Oh, remember in my Ruminations Post where I focused on Ridicule as being the Flower of Emotional Intelligence (I suppose that was supposed to be a little bit satirical), well, in my subsequent Thoughts it occurred to me that Men have never been so very insufficient in their abilities and capacities for Ridicule. For instance, if I may offer an anecdotal instance from my own observations. You see I am studying Math for a possible 2nd Career and may apply it to Teaching, and so I have more than ordinarily Observant of the children in my neighborhood since I may someday have to interact with them Professionally. Well, it seems that Boys at about the Middle School Level take up Ridicule as one of the Primary Art Forms. So I watched the Girls closely and they simply were not taking to Ridiculing each other, or the Boys, with anywhere near the same Gusto as the Boys. And Then when I noticed one young teenage girl who I pegged for a Future Lesbian, who DID engage in Ridicule, well, that settled it for me. Apparently Boys, or I should say those of Masculine Personality, are Emotionally Intelligent enough to figure out WHAT HURTS... that is, being able to make Effective Stabs shows that they know something about the Anatomy. But, hmmmmmm, now I wonder whether they Realize that they are taking their Own Insecurities and Projecting them out onto their friends, or whether they might believe that they are sterling characters themselves and only their friends are screwed up? Well, I suppose it is not very important whether they themselves know the Fine Details of how they Develop Ridicule. Some Artists study for years and other Artists just seem to have a 'Knack'.

And that brings up another Thought, that it seems a Paradoxical Thing, the Idea of "Emotional Intelligence", for, after all, Emotions are Emotions and 'Intelligence' seems to refer to Analytical Linear Thought. I always think of Intelligence as the Ability to Create a Mental Model of the Universe, constructed out of Generalizations, that can be used to make Accurate Predictions. If you are Smart then your Model Works. if you are Stupid than your Model doesn't and you are always late for Work and your Cooking is Terrible. But what would one consider Emotional Intelligence -- knowing how to make People Laugh and Cry? But I have been a Street Performer in my Day and a Story Teller, and I confess that I had consciously worked to make people Laugh and Cry, and I used my Intellect to do it. Of course that was on top of all my Reading, Watching Others, and Basic Life Experiences. But, in the End, it took Thinking About It. So I don't know How they can come up with some Artificial Separation between Intellectual Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence. I would guess that Intelligence would Bear the Same Kinds of Fruit no matter Where you Point It. Sure, nobody is Intelligent regarding something they have never thought about before, but once tossed into the Middle of Something or Anything that they Need to Figure out, people of Normal Intellectual Capacity will almost Automatically develop an Intelligent Expertise in that Area. Jeez, even Stupid People who are confronted by a Challenging Environment will eventually Come to Terms with It and develop some actual Situational Wisdom. I think the Life Force Itself is Intelligent, whether in Heart or Mind, don't you?

Anyway, Richard, thanks again for setting Me, and This Post and our beloved Anger Management Forum, Straight. .... Oh, and for giving me another chance to Ruminate.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Aug 14, 2017 8:40 am

I always enjoy your musings. Very in depth and plenty to consider :)
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