Hey you guys, so I've been going through these forum for a while and been inspired so much by your stories and wanted to share mine In order to get some advice or just get your 2 cents on my thing, I'll do my best to put my thoughts into words.
English Isn't my first language so I'll do my best
I'm 17 years old, It all started one year ago when my I tried weed the first time with my brother (he's a 24/7 stoner) "It's just a plant, It can't possible harm you in anyway, It's natural, It comes from mother nature, It's not chemical, It's simple pure and can only enhance your life".
That's what led me into abusing this substance, foolishly I didn't search it online and understood what it does to teens brains and that It's not all sunshine and rainbows.
So weed was all around me 24/7 in my house and that was the time my friends started smoking as well so weed was just all around me.
(I was really happy without any problems at all, whether It's family, social life, everything was perfect)
My relationship with weed went from 0 to 100, I started at 3 times a week and It didn't took long for me to use daily, the first couple of months were perfect, I was the happiest man on earth, then I remember taking a tbreak for the first time (I was smoking really high quality medical weed) I couldn't eat anything for 3 days, couldn't sleep properly, only when I stopped I started understanding the impact it has on my brain, whether It's memory or starting to just think different.
I then searched weed withdrawal online and everything I was experiencing made sense, the impaired memory, lack of motivation, lack of interest in other life activities.(these tbreaks took a ton of will power from me and even though I didn't understood something was wrong,
I stopped for a week or so and went on another couple of months of daily smoking with taking tbreaks now and then.
One day I started searching weed online and found out bunch of articles of how it affects teen's brains and got terrified to my dome, as soon as I read it I broke all of my bongs, burned my weed (looking back I knew that If I would let a friend keep it I would ask it back, I was so addicted without knowing it, I really thought at that time I couldn't live without weed, It was not even a scenario to consider in my wildest dreams.) and went on a full month without weed, doing that transition was so hard for me, It took so much willpower that I never knew existed in me.
After a month I thought to myself alright, I can still use it in moderation right? moderation is key, let's go for it, a new healthy relationship with weed, oh boy I was so wrong,
It didn't even take a week to go back into that daily smoking binge everyday all day, and I thought myself I'm just a kid who wants live life to the fullest.
After 2-3 months I started understanding that I'm just lying to myself, started visiting these forums and understood that I'm an addict, as hard as It sounds that's the truth and It was so hard to just accept and acknowledge that.
Found inspiration from people stories here and said to myself that's it, I'm done with weed for life, no more weed for me no matter what and took a month off.
Then I just gave up for weed and smoked a bowl, I was so happy, and again it really didn't take long for me to go back to daily(Haha actually one day).
Smoked daily exactly for 30 days and stopped again for 37 days, then I tried lying to myself I can smoke in moderation, I started and once again it took one day to get back into daily for another month, I then said to myself what the **** am I doing stop it just stop it and here we are on my 11th weed free day.
The thing that terrifies me the most is in all of these 30+ days breaks I understood how weed deceives my mind and how much it hurts me in every aspect in my life and I kept doing that even tho I knew I'm just lying to myself and everything I believe in and was so sure I wouldn't touch weed again ever in my life yet I did.
Without weed I'm such a positive giggly guy that loves himself but somehow I'm always slipping back into it, and even now I'm 10000% that I will never ever touch weed again but afraid I will fail.
I can't use weed in moderation I just can't, some people can and I'm just not one of them, from the minute I get that substance into my system I start abusing it so bad.
I just know that I can't touch weed ever again in my life whether it's 2 months or even 5 years from now, because the outcome will be the same and If I do I just lie to myself and that's what hurts me the most.
(Forgot to mention that my parents are pro legalization and smoke everyday as well, I tried talking with them about it but they just don't get me, my friends either.)
Needless to say that in every one of these breaks I felt so crap for weeks with insane mood swings, but that's the easy part of it, the hard part is taking that step into the break and trying to make a positive change.
Thanks for those who take the time to read, anything you have to say is welcomed happily.