17 years old, my daily struggle addiction with weed

[Tay2268]

Hey you guys, so I've been going through these forum for a while and been inspired so much by your stories and wanted to share mine In order to get some advice or just get your 2 cents on my thing, I'll do my best to put my thoughts into words.
English Isn't my first language so I'll do my best

I'm 17 years old, It all started one year ago when my I tried weed the first time with my brother (he's a 24/7 stoner) "It's just a plant, It can't possible harm you in anyway, It's natural, It comes from mother nature, It's not chemical, It's simple pure and can only enhance your life".
That's what led me into abusing this substance, foolishly I didn't search it online and understood what it does to teens brains and that It's not all sunshine and rainbows.
So weed was all around me 24/7 in my house and that was the time my friends started smoking as well so weed was just all around me.
(I was really happy without any problems at all, whether It's family, social life, everything was perfect)


My relationship with weed went from 0 to 100, I started at 3 times a week and It didn't took long for me to use daily, the first couple of months were perfect, I was the happiest man on earth, then I remember taking a tbreak for the first time (I was smoking really high quality medical weed) I couldn't eat anything for 3 days, couldn't sleep properly, only when I stopped I started understanding the impact it has on my brain, whether It's memory or starting to just think different.
I then searched weed withdrawal online and everything I was experiencing made sense, the impaired memory, lack of motivation, lack of interest in other life activities.(these tbreaks took a ton of will power from me and even though I didn't understood something was wrong,
I stopped for a week or so and went on another couple of months of daily smoking with taking tbreaks now and then.


One day I started searching weed online and found out bunch of articles of how it affects teen's brains and got terrified to my dome, as soon as I read it I broke all of my bongs, burned my weed (looking back I knew that If I would let a friend keep it I would ask it back, I was so addicted without knowing it, I really thought at that time I couldn't live without weed, It was not even a scenario to consider in my wildest dreams.) and went on a full month without weed, doing that transition was so hard for me, It took so much willpower that I never knew existed in me.
After a month I thought to myself alright, I can still use it in moderation right? moderation is key, let's go for it, a new healthy relationship with weed, oh boy I was so wrong,
It didn't even take a week to go back into that daily smoking binge everyday all day, and I thought myself I'm just a kid who wants live life to the fullest.


After 2-3 months I started understanding that I'm just lying to myself, started visiting these forums and understood that I'm an addict, as hard as It sounds that's the truth and It was so hard to just accept and acknowledge that.
Found inspiration from people stories here and said to myself that's it, I'm done with weed for life, no more weed for me no matter what and took a month off.
Then I just gave up for weed and smoked a bowl, I was so happy, and again it really didn't take long for me to go back to daily(Haha actually one day).
Smoked daily exactly for 30 days and stopped again for 37 days, then I tried lying to myself I can smoke in moderation, I started and once again it took one day to get back into daily for another month, I then said to myself what the **** am I doing stop it just stop it and here we are on my 11th weed free day.


The thing that terrifies me the most is in all of these 30+ days breaks I understood how weed deceives my mind and how much it hurts me in every aspect in my life and I kept doing that even tho I knew I'm just lying to myself and everything I believe in and was so sure I wouldn't touch weed again ever in my life yet I did.
Without weed I'm such a positive giggly guy that loves himself but somehow I'm always slipping back into it, and even now I'm 10000% that I will never ever touch weed again but afraid I will fail.
I can't use weed in moderation I just can't, some people can and I'm just not one of them, from the minute I get that substance into my system I start abusing it so bad.
I just know that I can't touch weed ever again in my life whether it's 2 months or even 5 years from now, because the outcome will be the same and If I do I just lie to myself and that's what hurts me the most.
(Forgot to mention that my parents are pro legalization and smoke everyday as well, I tried talking with them about it but they just don't get me, my friends either.)


Needless to say that in every one of these breaks I felt so crap for weeks with insane mood swings, but that's the easy part of it, the hard part is taking that step into the break and trying to make a positive change.

Thanks for those who take the time to read, anything you have to say is welcomed happily.

[User2017]

Hey Tay,

I think it's great that you've recognized the problem; especially at your age. When I was 17, I don't think there was even a tiny part of me that considered that weed was negatively affecting me, let alone quitting. You should be proud of yourself for your self awareness. Like they say, recognizing the problem is already half the battle.

I'm like you. I've gone through multiple periods where I quit for about a month; then, one hit leads me back to the daily routine. It definitely is frustrating. Moderation isn't really possible for me either. (I'm an "all or nothing" type of girl I guess lol)

What do you usually do to replace weed during your tbreaks? I would recommend working out (if you don't already). The "high" from physical activity is so much cleaner and more energizing. I also feel that being outside in general is a good way to gain some mental clarity. Whether it's hiking in nature or even just a walk around your neighborhood.

Anyways, I'm right there with you. Just trying to figure out how to quit and make it STICK. I wish you luck and just know you aren't alone!

[Deff]

Tay,

I admire your smarts for realizing at a young age what weed does to one's life. I am 25 now and am really wishing I would have realized moderation was not possible for myself at 17. I too was that happy kid once and am hoping I can find that person again.

Hard cardiovascular work-outs and finding a passion for an outdoor activity seems to be the best cure for me and others I have known to quit.

Stay strong my friend - you won't regret your decision in years to come!

[Tay2268]

Hey, thank you for taking the time to read and post, I'm on my 12th day on my break and really hope to never touch weed again ,things are only getting better day to day. I always workout with a punching bag 3/4 times a week it really clears my mind and helps my recovery, as for what I do to replace weed in my breaks I just live life, accept any social event literally anything, helping my mom clean the house and weed just seems to really go off my mind I just dont think about it. The withdrawal syptoms are quite hard this time but I always remind myself that they are caused by the weed and that I got into this mess in the first place only because of weed. We can really break free of this nasty habit, remember you are not alone just take that first step into your break and do everything you can in order to make it work.

[Onward and upward]

Hey Tay,
You and I have very similar stories, I am 18 and have smoked heavily since I was 17. I've smoked high grade stuff and wax a lot too. I feel for you with being scared man. I'm on day 18 of recovery and I am feeling the effects of PAWS. It's awful if you let it be. While I am still working on recovery, thought I could give you some helpful tips. You may be in for a wild ride when it comes to withdrawal. I experienced the common withdrawal symptoms from quitting and those subsided within the first 2 weeks. Now comes the hard part. Depression, Anxiety, Depersonalization, all things that you may find yourself going through. This forum is extremely helpful and I have read dozens of posts from people going through the same exact things as me. The key is realizing that it does get better. Take it day by day, negative thoughts are the enemy here.
Thanks,
Peace and Love
O&U

[Tay2268]

Hey man, day 20 here haha, depersonalization is hitting me hard now and then, I never had any kind of anxiety whatsoever although in the last couple of days I found myself with racing heart over nothing but usually after day 30 Its all good. Keep it up and stay strong brother.

[colinberry1]

17 years old and you think you are addicted, I you sure you are not also addicted to your Kentucky fried chicken and McDonald, best they away from heroin, to young to be puffing anyway, it's all in the mind, if you feel that you are weak and cannot deal with the challenge of knowing when to stop, you probably have started to early stick to the Kentucky fried chicken and McDonald, only go on to puff when you think you can stop when required.

I believe that your body creates all these substance anyway, I think your brains create its own psychedelic substance, if you make it a huge challenge to stop, that is what it will be, I have been puffing for 15 years but when my wife was involved in a major accident, I had to stop immediately to care for her, no use buzzing away when having to clean her poo and washing her down, having to remember all the medication and vitamins I give her, I think if you're logical you should be able to stop immediately when it is required, if you haven't got that type of personality, I suggest you stick to the Kentucky fried chicken and McDonald, try making do with that buzz. till you think you're strong enough to undermine your willpower and make it work for you, always remember it's all in your mind.

[Tay2268]

My situation is very simple actually and I assume It's because how I started my relationship with weed, 24/7, when I smoke I can't stop and when I stop I just don't care about it but it comes across my mind every now and then.
I guess I'm all or nothing kinda guy, maybe addiction Isn't the best definition to my situation but there is definitely some kind of psychological addiction once I start smoking.

[colinberry1]

Well it might just be boredom.

[Tay2268]

If you'd bother to read everything you'd see that everytime I start smoking I lack of interest in all other life activities and weed becomes my main thing, I'm very busy all the time.

[colinberry1]

Well what is the buzz that you are travelling on, to keep you stuck in that world. I know there is a lot of zombie weed about these days, you don't want to be on those, it will turn you into a zombie, years ago they used to have some wonderful stuff sensee, that used to have your mind travelling with the music. I would suggests to lay off the zombie Buzz. I would think that our ruling society do not want us to be on that level, so what they have released in society is the zombie buzz.

[Deff]

Keep up the progress Tay! I understand how you feel about weed and what happens to everything else in life!

Colinberry - I am sorry to hear about your situation above but please keep in mind we are all different and react to weed in different ways. This is the main reason we are all on this forum. Please respect that!

[Tay2268]

Almost a month in and been through the hard part of the wirhdrawl and just feeling like giving up, the insomia, constant stress and anger bursts just seem to beat me.

[Tay2268]

Still going strong

[colinberry1]

Think of all the money you're saving, I am trying to stop smoking myself but unfortunately a nightmare is creeped up, might have to start again just to get over my problems at present. I don't have that much problem stopping smoking but when you have a lot of problems sometimes I find in smoking helps keep my blood pressure down, a bit ironic, having to smoke to relax.