In general: Thank you all for your replies. I'm really glad I'm not alone.
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Reach out to family if you need to for support.
They can't really support me financially only mentally. But I can't talk to them about this.
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:You can also not trust that some if not all pics/videos have already been shared with a 6th, 7th, 8th....X other individuals outside the core group.
That's what I thought of. But right now no one except one of them knows that I know so they probably won't have extra saved it for the reason of it getting deleted? That was my hope.
Also while I was talking to this one guy he said that when it started with having a group for all the content they swore to never tell anyone about it to save it's existence. That could be a logical reason for not sharing it for some, couldn't it? With the thought of always getting more or something?
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:but why tell her? So she knows she has been violated? I'm not saying there is never a reason to tell her, but rather what are you trying to accomplish by telling her naked pics and videos of her might be circulating on the Internet? Unless you have a plan on pursuing legal action against these people, or you think she will want to pursue legal action, what will telling her accomplish?
I understand that as well but I think I see no chance if she ever finds out and didn't tell her. I don't want to lose her that way although honesty might or might not end up in the same result and I'm right now considering your advice, since she has a peaceful life until then / forever.
Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:You go about general life by not associating with these people. You live, you learn, you move on with life and find better people to call "friends". You create new job options by saving money, apply for a school or vocational training, you network and put your resume out there, you sacrifice by getting a roommate to split the bills, etc. Within a month or two you should have savings, support, and resources to find a new job or career path.
Money is really difficult right now. Roommate is my girlfriend (we live together) and that's on the brink. I work for my friends dad quite some time now and have a chance to get in a better position the next few months although I don't know if I can still work for him after the incident.
Livetowin wrote:Are you honestly going to let this girl walk around in the company of these perverts and think that's okay to keep your interests preserved? Is that integrity? No it's not.
About keeping my friends. People make mistakes, everyone does. The thing I wanted to hear is somebody saying that there is a chance. The one of them I talked to for example. I have no contact to all of them back to the day he showed me everything. He texts me messages everyday with how sorry he is and how he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and doesn't get a reply from me. I want to hear that people are able to change, like work off their fault. I don't know yet if I get over such a violation and something like that is possible.
Livetowin wrote:Her responsibility is to confront the people who stole them and decide how she wants to feel about it.
That's exactly what I thought, she deserves that. Yet, the result is the same like Richard described. I can either give up my integrity and say nothing and probably keep her away of the never ending feeling of being exposed and violated. Or I do say everything and keep my integrity.
quietvoice wrote:I think she knows and revels at being part of the exhibition . . . what do you think about that idea?
I think she didn't know. Like she is the girl that always has a positive way of looking at everything. That also makes her pretty naive but I always liked that, she is a girl you can have real fun with. I'm her first boyfriend. All those characteristics never made her an easy-to-get girl for guys. Although she is naive she is intelligent enough to say no, to say it in a normal way.
quietvoice wrote:When she was bending down, etc., how does she not know pics were being taken . . .
Most pictures were made while we were out and drunk or like right before. And after the first pics which were mostly blurry or from a little more far away, they did start to plan those pictures and videos they made.
I can't post the pics and videos but will give you a few examples:
She wore a tight black yoga pant while going out once and a loose shirt. We were playing the old game twister as a drinking game where you would drink when you fall. We were all sitting round the game field and when me and my girl were quite drunk they just spinned the wheel and made calls that weren't on it but just for the positioning purpose of my girl. One of them sat behind the field and texted the one that called where he needed what part of her body, always considering that me and her where looking away from him. They spreaded her legs and her shirt was hanging down so he had a full view from the back and could take lots of pics under her shirt and of her thong and donkey that you could clearly see when the material of the pant was stretched that much.
A lot of pictures they just randomly dropped things and asked her to pick it up for them while the others took pics under her skirt, down her shirt or somehow else which can also be pretty revealing with the right angle and clothing.
They had their phone hidden on toilets and once she took a shower at a friends place where they just left their phone hidden in the bath. They tried to take pictures from outside of our apartment and got her a few times walking in underwear.
After they stole the everything off my computer they looked for a next level. They had nudes on their phone and took pictures of the opened nude image on the phone with me and her in the background.
The last thing they planned was a few weeks ago - I was even with her in bed. Like we were drinking at our place for my birthday and they totally got me and my girlfriend wasted. They acted like they were drinking and played being drunk. The one friend that was at home because he wasn't with them at the plan got like "unwanted" updates to see what he was "missing". He didn't reply them at least.
The last thing I remember is one of them had some marijuana and we smoked that on the couch. They took pics before and after we passed out, they just smoked a little bit themselves. Like 10 minutes later they recorded a video of how they lifted me into the room and how they lifted her. They first dragged me to my room, shouted and gave me a few claps on my cheek but I was totally away and can't even remember that, I have just seen it on the video. That was the first time they went one step further. Two of them lifted her and one was recording. You can see them holding one arm one leg each one and she had a dress on. They pulled it up, spreaded her legs, pulled her thong and bra aside and had her in several explicit positions with only half of her clothing on before they finally laid her down.
What I'm trying to say is that it looked on none of the pictures or videos that she would know about it and I also do not consider her to be that person.
quietvoice wrote:You have plenty of nude material on your computer, that some of [any of these pics] is of your girlfriend, how does that make things different?
You misunderstood. Those were pictures and videos that was either just her or us together in that particular context.
On our computer where all of our pics are I created a hidden folder within of a folder of a lame sounding trip we had and put everything in there. They must have made it visible AND look through all of our pictures to find them but they did.
colinberry1 wrote:for you all to realise what happened between your friendship
I can't tell what happened. The only explaination I have is that they got like caught in the hype. I mean they had seen everything that's possible because our private photos and videos covered like everything you can find in porn - it was like our intimate hobby to watch a porn movie and replay what it showed and at some point we started recording it. I know it's basically always stupid to do so but it wasn't something we sent like over the internet or something it was only shots from our DSLR that we copied to the computer.
That said, they still shot pics of her donkey in jeans etc.
My biggest worry is that there was no limit that was recognizable until the last time they did something. They weren't like okay we have seen it and stopping it.
Referring to what I wrote above what happened on my birthday. They first time really spreaded her legs actively and pushed their face to her naked breast and vagina while carrying her and everything on purpose. I could hear them whispering and one of them wanted to stick his fingers in but the other ones said no because they were afraid of one of us waking up.
I don't want them to get legal problems and I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't either since her uncle was 2 years in jail and told her what it was like and we were all like best friends but what I also do not want is things like that. I will get rid of the 3 on the video anyways it was a hard time watching it without saying anything to them but I'm not sure about the 4th.