Severe anxiety all day

Postby Helpme2017 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 7:16 pm

So today and late last night, I have had severe anxiety. It started off just feeling shaky and unwell, but then just before 12am today I had a depression moment where I got this urge to stab myself with my pens and I felt like I was possessed.

Obviously once that was over, I was scared as heck. Crying my eyes out and feeling so scared. Tried to reach out for help so that they would collect the pens up so I didn't have to (I didn't want to see them) and ended up confiding in one of the sociology teachers I had had sometimes after alternatives were either busy or I normally bothered.

When I calmed down she helped me gather up my stuff (so I didn't have to be near the pens) and I had my lunch in a quiet corridor. I kept feeling like I was bothering anyone both during the event and after.

After lunchtime I began to feel mentally exhausted. I listened to some quiet and calm music and fiddling with my tangle and the anxiety faded away and the exhaustion was managed BUT THEN everyone was coming out of their classes and of course it was loud and I lost all progress I made, and was much worse. I put my coat on and put my hood up and basically hid myself as much as possible.

I was late to my lesson as it took half an hour for me to get myself there. I had no energy and was dragging my bag against the floor, which normally I hate doing but I couldn't care less at that moment.

Once I got in the class I didn't get my work out. When I was preparing to, I accidentally made a noise when I was slinging my bag over my chair (not very loud, but since the teacher was only talking it was loud enough to be noticed) and one of the "popular people" made a "shush" noise and expression and of course people laughed. Long story short, I ended up doing work outside the classroom because I just didn't feel like I was able to. I hadn't felt ready when I did turn up to class, but I knew I couldn't get a mark on my attendance as my mum would have been as mad as hell and it was only the third day.

Right now it's just gone 8pm and I'm exhausted. I did manage to go to work, but if I hadn't been off earlier that week I would have called in sick (I have Tuesdays off to attend a group, agreed with my employer.
Our work week is Monday-Friday). Even at the start of my shift I still wasn't fine.

I have diagnosed anxiety and depression (partially as a result of having high-functioning autism) which I take meds for (fluxotein, but previously sertraline) but the last time I asked the doctor to up my meds he said it wasn't a miracle cure and that extreme anxiety wouldn't work against the tablets. This was back when I had exam stress.

Just feeling a little fed up with myself and today has been one of the worst days.
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