Quit weed 2,5 months ago. Hasn´t gone so well

[Marcster44]

You punk ads birch people like you think pot is so benign. No its insidious look up that word and go read " the professor and the madman" you stupid ads motherdunker

[theodor]

Marcster44, try to look at your reaction and key words, "bud", "take your drunk donkey to a rehab", "depressed wino", a very aggressive action, this is clearly a defence mechanism that you used, the question to ask yourself is why, what bothered you so much about my post to react this way, you may uncover the reasons for your depression/anger this way.

I always slept like a baby when smoking weed, minimum 8 hours a day. So, based on my experience, not scientific studies, it promoted quite good sleeping habits.

If you were not depressed 12 years ago, it doesn't mean you cannot get depressed in the meantime. People that don't consume anything get depressed, so, maybe it would be a good idea to go see a therapist that could walk you through your childhood/teenage years, and try to uncover some potential traumas that you may have. You could do that by yourself, but needs a lot of discipline and some study before hand, and in my opinion you lack both currently (just observation, not trying to make you feel bad)

In your case it's already been 5 months, and you are still in pain. I'm almost sure there are other factors at play in here, maybe weed consumption is your excuse to not allow you to see the actual thing that is bothering you? Again, a defence mechanism that your brain is using to prevent you from greater suffering. We all have this.

The things you said in the previous post are very interesting:
"But ya my best advice is to be grateful and to be more selfless and help others. It helps me get away from thinking about myself a bit. Patience and long suffering is the route of recovery but it is Almost always worth it in the end." is very very interesting.

It's clear that you have some unfulfilled needs, or something happened in your family, close friends?, someone you lost along the way, what are you trying to escape ? If you know the road to recovery implies suffering, stop running from that thing and live that suffering, it's the only real escape route, otherwise, you'll find yourself in a loop of "poor lil' me" and childish behaviour and it will result in a poor quality of life.

You'll find your way, but not by being patient, by acting.. now.

[Marcster44]

Your right Theodore. I'm sorry for my reactions to your posts.

[dariaengse]

Thanks for replying guys! Good to know I´m not the only one struggling after so many months marcster and good luck to you! We can do this.

Weed was definitely a coping mechanism for something. Until I discovered weed and imminently started smoking every day, I went through my whole childhood with depression and emotional issues. My father died when I was 4 and my mother got together with my stepdad with anger issues one year later. I felt sorry for myself and hated everyone, but kept all the feelings inside me. Bullied others and broke all kind of rules to make myself feel better while hiding my sadness from myself and others. Never really emotionally connected with people after I gave up on my mother at around 6 years old.

But the thing is, I still feel I´m still struggling with problems caused by weed on top of this. Weed subtly made me more and more paranoid over the years, I don´t have that problem now and never had before. I also never really felt anxious at all before weed, was actually always pretty fearless. While smoking I sometimes felt anxious worrying about police cars, interacting with people etc, but it´s just now after quitting I really understand and respect what anxiety is. I´ve had a lot of crazy anxiety symptoms, heart beating fast, nausea, hot flashes, insomnia and ruminating thoughts. And I don´t believe I would have suddenly developed derealization if it was´t for cannabis. I don´t know, maybe I was destined to develop anxiety and derealization in my early 20s anyways, but hard for me to imagine.

When it comes to sleep. I could always fall asleep and get my 8 hours while smoking. But the bags under my eyes just got darker and darker over the years. And I did´t have a single dream for 7 years. For the last 6 1/2 months I´ve struggled a lot with falling asleep. And the dreaming has been insane. Vivid life like dreams I can remember every single night. When the active dreaming was on it´s peak they often left me influenced into the day, especially if the dreams were horrible.

I honestly just have to believe my brain will get better than this, can´t cope with this state of mind forever. Tried a psychologist, but she just said I had control over my problems and that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain. Said I would be a whole other person with SSRI´s because I know my underlying issues and do well with friends, intimate relations, career, school, physical health etc. Can´t tell them about my weed abuse though unfortunately and would like to stay away from pills, so my only hope is that I still struggle with weed PAWS and that it´ll get better eventually. But thanks a lot for the input Ted!

[theodor]

"I honestly just have to believe my brain will get better than this, can´t cope with this state of mind forever."

Sitting around and hoping will do you no good. I think the problems lie in what you said, your early life trauma I believe is still unresolved, and it unconsciously manifests still.

I think you should look for another psychologist and start working on your childhood issues.
Also, you have to be 100% honest about weed consumption and don't ignore the fact that medication can help you, but first try without it.

You will succeed, but start acting, don't just wait things to get better.

I wish you all the best.

[Dandysam123]

Hey dariaengse,

I related to your writings a lot, similar age, fairly similar usage and similar symptoms. It is great to see how you are keeping positive though, it is key to recovery!

I had a drug counselling meeting today and I expressed my concerns with long term effects from drugs and how I feel I've f***ed my brain. She assured me that the brain is a powerful muscle and will repair over time, It is important to not focus on these negative effects and take it day by day, as you say some are better some are not. As you (like me) are at university I would recommend the treatments I'm going through, of course we are different in some aspects but I have to say the drug counselling and counselling available can only help, right? I know you think it is the effects of coming off the drug but it still doesn't mean they won't have something beneficial to say.

Also, if you have friends around, speaking with them is a great help. Of course you don't want to burden them, which is what I kept fixating on. But after getting over that hump I find it very easy and beneficial. For example, I'm down as ****, we chat about it then over time the conversation leads to tangents where we aren't talking about my issues and just discussing normal sh** and I kinda forget about my sh**.

I think with everything you've been going through it's awesome how you have come so far and I really hope I stay as strong as yourself!

Take care buddy

[dariaengse]

Thanks for the support guys! I really wish I could open up to a psychologist about my weed related problems. I just can´t because in my country I can loose my drivers license if I do. Opened up to all my friends though, which really helps. Tried talking with a psychologist about all my issues except weed. Have also been meditating daily, running and lifting 3-4 times a week and improved my diet. Been reading every day, socializing and making a bunch of new friends, gotten a good paid job, doing good at uni. I don´t feel I´m just waiting for changes to happen, but so far it has´t been enough/hasn´t been enough time without weed.

Or maybe I´m just f***ed now of course. Maybe I was destined to develop depression, anxiety and stuff. Maybe weed f***ed me up. Maybe the genes f***ed me up. Maybe my childhood issues f***ed me. Maybe those underlying issues from childhood can be resolved and that´s the whole problem. But I think and hope this is weed PAWS and that I will recover eventually.

[Dandysam123]

It is great to hear all the positive things you are doing man! Stay focused on them and not the negatives.

You want it to be PAWS and if it were then it is just a waiting game. Whereas all those other issues are curable over time with what you are doing, specifically psychology. Think trying to blame weed for everything is not the way to go, acknowledging and accepting the issues you have and them not being to do with weed would help you. It is what I have come to realize, this is why I smoked so much weed and instantly become hooked. Because I couldn't deal with my issues. Over the sobriety my mental stability has crumbled and the worse it gets the more I want to resolve these issues in a positive manor and not use and escape my problems anymore.

Here to talk if you need pal, take care.

[tokes]

I have felt just like you. I have been through the year worth of withdrawal symptoms and at the end I felt much better. feel Your brain will recover. I was convinced I had some kind of brain disease that only 1% of the population got. I went for 100 tests and nothing came up.

What was it? The complete shutdown and system restore of the body. This is what happens when you starve the body of the main ingredient that has been regulating the whole system from sex, eat to sleep.

I too felt awkward interactions with girls, had low/no sex drive and no general confidence. I had insane life like dreams that would bleed into my waking life and sometimes I would wake up so confused I would forget who I am or where I was. This is all normal symptoms of the brain rewiring itself.

Keep going

Try exercise, especially weight lifting. Weight lifting helped accelerate my recovery process and general mental/physical stability.

[dariaengse]

Thanks Dandysam! It was definitely the same with me, instantly became hooked and smoked all the time because I could´t deal with my issues. I feel like I would never have been able to quit if I kept suppressing the issues, but had to acknowledge them 100 %. Tried a psychologist, just could´t talk about the weed. She said I had pretty good control over my issues now and said I should get on some kind of antidepressants because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. Since I can´t be honest about the weed use and don´t want to start taking pills, I´ll try to fight whats hopefully just PAWS for longer and see if it gets better from this point.

And tokes, thanks a lot! Always nice to hear about others having experienced the same. Hopefully I´ll be in a different place mentally in the summer! Still having vivid dreams I remember every night, so I take that as a sign my brain is rewiring. I´m a lot better at communicating at this point, but struggled with ED this weekend when I went home with a girl from a club. Really annoying, but I´ll just push through. Exercising and eating better, I have never been in better shape physically

[dariaengse]

Over 7,5 months now.. Life´s going good, brain doing bad. I despise these waves of depression and anxiety and I hate this derealized state of mind. At least I found out I can use st. johns wort and theanine to cope with depression and anxiety. Hopefully my brain will be more repaired by summer time. Still having fatigue as well which sucks. Will keep pushing through though

[dariaengse]

Over 10 months. I guess I have more good days in general, but the waves of anxiety and depression still hits me really hard. Still have tinnitus, still live with derealization. Feels like I´m primarily living inside my own head. I told my doctor about what I´m living with and got a description for antidepressants. I originally did´nt want to go down that route, but at this point I guess I´ll give it a go.. Any experiences?

I often think about relapsing when the summer holidays arrive. I think about how I might have waited too long to quit. How I might have started smoking at a too early age. That I might have been destined to develop depression and anxiety within my mid 20s anyways. And about how I´m not really suitable for this world, living with these people. I could´t ask for more friends, more intimate relationships with girls, better job, better studies, better physical health or anything other in my life. The problem is just my psyche, it´s messed up and the last 10 months have just been constant suffering with a few glimpses of light mentally

[dhae2604]

Hi there, replying to your thread cause I can relate & our symptoms are the same. I believe this is all paws. Brain takes 2-5years to rewire based on others people experience. Btw im 11mo. were almost same timeline. Im having bad waves of mental anxiety, & other symptoms last few days. It got lessen today. It was severe that I was very afraid I might got ptsd or this is ptsd not withdrawal anymore. Cant give solid advice since Im having hard time also. anyway dont throw the towel yet, you have come this far & dont relapse. Hope youre doing ok today. & lets keep updated.

[dariaengse]

11 1/2 months now. I gave in and started antidepressants a month ago. They turned out to be a godsend. The last couple weeks I´ve felt muscles in my body relax that haven´t relaxed in the last year and I´ve finally gotten rid of my depression and anxiety. So glad to be back to my old happy go lucky, brave and relaxed self. A little guilty of relying on an external source to fix my problems, but I honestly don´t are at this point. Have gotten through a year without and it was hellish, so I´m happy to be adjusted by pills atm. Maybe I´ll try to be off in a year from now

[Foggy Noggin]

Hi dariaengse - I'm curious which antidepressant you are on and if you have any sexual side effects? Congrats on going on one year. I agree that meds aren't a long-term solution, but sometimes you need a step down to help deal with the PAWS. Hopefully your brain can continue to rewire while on the meds, which are much easier to get off of than THC. Peace.