First time sex with best friend

Postby mockingjay43 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:13 am

For long story short, I fell in love with my best friend a while back. She was engaged to get married to my other friend. We ended up having an affair(no sex or kissing, more emotionally involved with each other and cuddling/snuggling). He ended up cheating on her for the third time so they ultimately broke up. It's been about 4 months now. She doesn't want to get with me or anyone and says she has no feelings in her heart, just coldness. We spent a weekend together and had sex 3 times, once a day. One at night and 2 in the morning. The first night I was able to stay erect and almost made her cum before she stopped me for getting tired. It is my first time having sex also. The next two times I couldn't stay erect. I stay more erect when we are cuddling/snuggling against each other than actual intercourse. I used to masturbate everyday while watching/reading porn. I don't know if this effected that or if it's because of the emotional difference between us or if it's because it's my first time?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:38 am

ED typically falls into two causes:

-1- physical
-2- mental

Most cases are a combination of the two, i.e. a 3rd cause is a mix of -1- and -2-.

You say first time, so I will assume you are fairly young and physical is not a real issue. Obesity can be a factor. Porn might have impacted the mental, specifically everyday will eventually result in some level of habituation as the novelty of any particular act wears off.

You being hard cuddling sounds more mental than anything physical. She doesn't live up to your porn standards. And you might be nervous about not living up to her standards.

I would:
-1- Stop watching porn (assuming you still do).
-2- Talk to her about it, tell her up front your concerns.
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#2

Postby mockingjay43 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 1:57 am

Thanks for the reply Richard@DecisionSkills!

I am currently 24, I'm fairly underweight for my age - 97lbs also. I don't exorcise but do lift heavy objects at my job. I do have some back problems which has caused some pain during sex but nothing that seemed like it hindered it.

As of now, I have stopped watching porn. I did stop watching porn for three days before we had sex as I thought I would feel better if I stopped. I currently don't feel like watching/reading it anymore as of yet.

I have talked somewhat about it with her. She stated that she wasn't into it as much as she would have wanted to to begin with so that could also be a factor. She said that she usually has sex with the people she has feelings for(her boyfriends), and she wants to have sex with me (we are not bf and gf), but right now she's in a difficult state with her heart and not feeling emotions for anyone, which is why she wasn't into it as much as she wanted to. I do find her quite attractive and she finds me quite attractive so I didn't think I would have any problems as I do get erect around her and when I have fantasies about her I get erect.

I was quite nervous about it to begin with because I wanted her to feel good and didn't really focus on my own pleasure. My porn fetishes do vary in other ways than hers although we do have quite a bit of fetishes in common.

Again, I thank you for the advice!
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:31 pm

If she wasn't into it that can be a huge turn off. I know she says she is attracted, but the idea she has no emotions for anyone might really translate to her just not being that into you. I would maintain space and tell her that if/when she feels something other than friendship for you, then you can try again. You might be in the friend zone.
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