Girlfriend broke up with me, due to depression

Postby Psych » Wed Oct 04, 2017 1:42 am

Hi there!

I know this situation is no stranger to you guys, I have read about it countless times, but I just want to get if off my chest. I am hurting inside and I hope I can feel better.

We have been together for 17 months and yesterday, she pushed me away and said that we can't be together anymore. It was a horrible feeling, and I resisted for a while, but caved in when I could see that she was really serious in ending things.

She told me she needed to sort herself out, find herself. She told me she can't be a good girlfriend right now. She also told me, with tears in her eyes that waking up and getting out of bed to go to the bathroom every morning is hard to do, much less maintaining a relationship. She feels trapped, in a deep, dark hole.

I thought uh-oh.

I mean, the pain of being rejected by the one that I love the most is heartbreaking, especially when she has been throwing rocks and stones and pushing me away at any given chance.

My gut feeling tells me that I really want to stand by her, through thick and thin. She sees no hope at all with the demons that has been fighting in her head. I know it is not her talking - it is as if a black veil was draped over her eyes and she can't feel life, much less love.

Another part of me wants to cut all contact and ties and just leave her be. ( you wanna be alone, i'll leave you alone). Why do I wanna be with someone that doesn't want me as much? This is my ego talking.

I want to just be there for her right now. Not as a lover. But as a friend. "You are the only friend I can trust right now."

Yesterday night, we texted again. She felt comfortable. I made her laugh and I was in a good mood too. She thanked me for that.

Any advice for me? Any advice on how to support her?
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Postby moshieme » Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:02 am

mental health is a lonely place its not that's shes being mean its hard to express when you don't even know how that person feels, and there is nothing you can do but be there goodluck

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Postby confusedbob » Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:18 pm

Hi there,

I read your post and I’m in near enough the exact same position.

I haven’t figured out yet what’s best to do and I wish I could give you some advice, but I’m at a loss myself.

Have you made any progress either way?
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Postby laureat » Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:38 pm

When the partner gives strange answers the problem about it is because leads the other to confusion and doesnt cut the relationship from emotional point of view:

The partner may want a brakeup but doesnt know how and doesnt want to feel guilt about but it is your responsibility to take care of oneself you dont need her to feel sorry about you

Yes: you have to cut her from your life if she talks about brakeup, what else what you do? Observe her dating other men? No cut her from your life , and move forwards with your new life

Yes you can be happy without her
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Postby Chlblam » Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:48 pm

I have been in your exact situation, and I am currently in that situation again. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. Our first year was pure bliss and magic, I knew a month in I loved him and needed to have him forever. I just got that feeling that told me no one else could ever compare. Keep in mind, he is the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring person and we never fought. So, right before our 2 year anniversary, it was a random March day. He was acting pretty weird, just super sad all day and looked like he didn’t feel well. We went for a walk and I asked him what was going on. That’s when he said “ let’s go inside and talk.” And I’ve been broken up with before so I know how it feels and what that phrase means. My heart sunk. He broke up with me out of nowhere. I didn’t think it was real, and I said “ I don’t think this is what you want..” and he wouldn’t look me in the eye and had a meltdown but kept saying he didn’t want this and couldn’t do it anymore.. I didnt know what to do all I knew was I lost something that I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I was devastated and because he didn’t have a reason I was confused and I blamed myself but something was telling me “No, it isn’t you. Something is going on with him”.. it then started to make me think- does he have depression?... and so two days after we broke up, I was still a hot mess and he went from not wanting it at all to not knowing and needing time for himself to figure everything out. I’m usually not understanding when it comes to that cause I overthink everything but I was very calm when I would text him and I’d check in and say I was here if he needed anything, and I’d ask how he felt about us once a week and I’d usually get nothing back.. then about a month later I hadn’t texted him or anything for a week and a half, and he texted me in the middle of the night apologizing for everything how he thought I was the problem so he pushed me away but it wasn’t and he couldn’t live without me and blah blah.. I was still really hurt but I wanted to be with him so we got back together- keep in mind I was still hurt and scared because who could do that to someone they loved? And then completely push them out? I was so confused and then when I had stopped texting him I had given up and started to think about my life without him. Once we got back together everything was perfect again, until 3 months later when he had another depressive episode for a week and shut me out again- this time he didn’t break up with me but I couldn’t help but wait thinking he was going to.. then a few months later it happened again, and then again, and now it’s been consistently there for about 5 months.. it’s been hard. Our relationship is really really crumbling and a few days ago after he pushed away again ( I haven’t seen him in 4 days and I’m pretty sure he’s going to break up with me tomorrow because that’s when we scheduled to have a conversation and figure out a plan for our relationship). I started doing research, A LOT of research on depression. He told me two months ago “ I’m depressed, like actually depressed” and I didn’t know what to say because I obviously assumed he did but he said it and it changed so much. He’s so dark and it’s like a cloud is always following him. He never does the things he used to- affection or affirmation wise.. but, when dealing with someone with depression you can’t hold them to the same standards you once did. I’m hoping he’s willing to see that I am here for him and I’m going to love him in all forms even if I need to be hurt once in awhile. BUT! I will take care of myself first. So we will see. It’s hard though. But worth it if you know you’re supposed to be with them.
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Postby hart123 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:24 pm

Firstly make sure you look after your self it can have a negative effects on ones health when there other half is like that as your other half sought help if he believes he is depressed there is support out there .
When a person is depressed they often try to find a reason why they feel that way look for something or someone to blame and tbh there not always a,reason for been depressed it can just be the chemical imbalance
From my own experience I was one that was depressed had that dark cloud over my head I remember trying to push my other half away I could not understand why I felt so bad anyhow I sought help I had talk thearpy and went on medication the change in me when the meds kicked in was amazing I no longer wanted to push my partner away and all these loving feelings came back I felt that great and stoped treatment which was mistake as did relapse however I have a better understanding off myself now so I don't blame my other half when mood drops
If you do want to stay with your other half I would advise you get some support try to do fun things for your self I do hope things work out for you
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