All I know is I need some sort of help

#15

Postby Leah09 » Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:49 am

Hey!
Told him everything and he was so supportive and loving! Felt good to tell someone.
Things felt fine and back to normal when I told him and then my anxiety slipped back in .... I think Iv hit my rock bottom to be honest
This morning cuddling him in bed I felt like I was fighting with my body the urge to turn away and face the other way was so much I had to do it.
At this point I feel like my body has rejected him. I feel so terrible and annoyed like why? I love him and want to be with him but it’s likr I’m not allowed to?
I really don’t understand what’s going on but o do know I’m not giving up .... how could I go from being so in love and so happy to this all of a sudden makes no sense to me
But he’s worth it so I will keep fighting x
Seeing my therapist today and I’m going to tell her everything,even about the thing my family member did..... god if it means everything g will go back to normal I’d nearly shout it from the rooftop and let everyone know
I’m terrified at this point
I just want my life back and without him I have nothing to live for he’s the best thing that’s happened me in a long time
I’m nit giving up xx
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#16

Postby Leah09 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 12:01 pm

Hey there
Things have gotten a lot worse since I last spoke to you
Been to the doctors today and had my medication switched due to me feeling emotionally numb which I don’t think helped the situation
My body seems to be rejecting my boyfriend at this point . Instead of my brain making me question everything now I feel it in my body too . The urge to get up and go when’s he’s around me and just not being in the next mood when he’s here . I think my brain just associates my anxiety with him and tells me to run.
But I won’t I will keep fighting because I know what I want
I love him with all my heart and I can’t give up I just can’t
Lacking motivation but I can just feel it in my bones something telling me not to give up
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#17

Postby macncheese1 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 1:01 pm

I'm sorry this is such a late response, just I've been having a rough couple of days. But ah I'm so glad you've told him now. Hopefully, it puts you at ease a little more, but don't stress out too much. You might just be having a bad couple of days because this is new territory for you. Telling someone. Letting someone in deeper. But it's good you're determined to not let your mind win. Follow your heart and keep trying to let him in like your heart wants and needs. I do think this is probably just your body trying to deal with this new situation, give it some time. Don't stress. And just be open and honest with him. Try not to over think anything either. X
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#18

Postby Leah09 » Sat Oct 21, 2017 8:46 am

Hi there sorry about the late reply,
It’s been a bad week for me,
I know exactly what your going through, for me it Dosent matter if I have the best time ever with my boyfriend and I feel like everything is back to normal and wake up the next day and boom all the thoughts are still there,
This week I went through hell, I woke up on Tuesday morning and I felt the worst I had ever in my life. I had a moment of madness where I decided I didn’t want to have to deal with this anymore but I love my boyfriend and didn’t want to break up with him so I took all my pills and tried to kill myself. I felt that was my only way I could escape . I am fine thankfully it was a big shock to my family an friends but especially my boyfriend who took it really badly. We had a few days apart due to his car breaking down and when I saw him after a few days I felt the way I did when I first met him I was just so excited to see him and I looked at him with awe because he is the most amazing person I have ever met. I thought this is it its all over. Fast forward 2 days and here I am back and square one again .... terrified of seeing him and feeling nothing even though I love him so much. I know exactly what your going through and it’s hell . I describe it as someone putting your boyfriend on front of you and showing you every nice thing about him and then taking him away and saying no you can’t have him.
It’s heartbreaking.
I really hope your situation gets better. For me Iv hit rock bottom but After what happened on Tuesday I see it as I survived for a reason and that’s enough to tell me to keep fighting.
Leah09
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#19

Postby macncheese1 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:40 am

Exactly. That's what you just have to keep reminding yourself. You're here. You're strong. You can do this. We can do this. Let go, try to relax and enjoy moments you may take for granted and it may help you to see the beauty you don't often notice in things. Hope things are good.
Sorry for late reply. X
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