by Candid » Fri Aug 03, 2018 6:14 am
All this 'stuff' that goes on around you, on the job, in your family, and even when you're on your own... you're manufacturing every bit of it yourself, in your head.
If your father was half as powerfully evil as you think he is, the world would have heard of him. At 40 it really is time you got over believing he's running (and ruining) every aspect of your life.
I get it that he was brutal when you were growing up, so brutal that he twisted your mind. It's your job to get rid of that legacy and be the best person you can be.
Look at what you've just written...
I think my father programmed her... but you don't say what you think he's programmed her to do, how you think he can do this, why he would want her to harm you, or what you think he'd get out of it. You wake up feeling not-okay and you immediately decide it's something your mother has done with your father using her as a puppet. This is totally illogical.
she does harm me unconsciously... all of the above applies. You don't have a clue what she might be doing or why, you don't tell us of the effects except to say "my mood diminishes", yet you have an elaborate theory that your mood is something your mother has done with your father using her as a puppet. This is again totally illogical.
I don't know exactly what she is doing... My guess is, nothing -- unless she's a religious woman who prays every night that her son will learn to stop worrying and start living, just like the book says. I'm sure she worries about you the way you worry about her; it's likely worrying is in your genes.
... but my mood diminishes after a night with her Your mood is nobody's responsibility but your own. It really isn't. If you wake up feeling bad, how does that differ from how you woke up every day in Antep? If it's got worse, that's because you're under new stress.
You were stressed at work before, you were at one stage keen for a change, now you're heading into a new job in a different city and you're even more stressed. Apart from getting drunk and listening to music, usually on your own, we've seen worry after worry after stress after worry ever since you've been on the forum.
Dear one, I'm sure there are plenty of things outside my experience and awareness, and I can see there's a lot of what I consider evil in the world, but a man with the ability to use his wife and son as robots by controlling their minds seems highly improbable to me. All my experience suggests the hardest thing human beings can do is to control our own minds; controlling anyone else's is impossible.
So it's up to you what mood you're in when you wake up. If staying with your mother means also living under your father's roof, it makes sense that you're feeling bad. I know you're terrified of him.
This could be your chance to find your own power and stand up to him, or it could be a 'holiday' that messes you up right before you start your new job. If you're going to start being frightened of your mother, too, I don't know what anyone can say to help you.