1 Year 4 Months Sober Update

Postby LyegotmeKrazy » Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:41 am

WOW Time FLIES !!! is Satuday night i should be drinking with friends hanging out with a girl with my family or something like that BUT.. i needed a break seriously the last 2 months where probably the greatest months of my life i was living on a bubble i guest trying to recover all my time wasted last year on recovery or PAWS or... whatever i Was ON ...wait i was sick and almost suicidal....what happened :cry: LONG STORY ... Spoiler HAPPY ENDING :lol:

Just thinking about it bring me to tears...wake up this morning hangover from last night and opened my facebook and saw a last year picture and Wow It changed my day ... i started to cry from hapiness i was so sick last year i remember now November last year Becoming a benzo addict after 3 months off the weed and some serious withdrawals i was living a big fake lie of life everytime i feelted anxiety depression sadness tiredness whateva...i will pop a benzo a Boom i was BACK !!
No more paws withdrawals no more NADA !! what a lie...if you are doing the same right now don´t please ! funny i still take benzos so wtf bro... let me tell you what happened to me.

I Quit weed last year on July 2016 after several warnings that my body was sending me how i stupid And naive i was.... this sh** started in december 2015 but tell a weed cypress hill Pink Floyd Addict brainwashed by propaganda that weed is harmless and the greatest success in medication history haha HA ! Every drug is harmeless in MODERATION well that word doesnt belong to my dictionary i have and addictive personality i started smoking cigs at 14 alcohol at 16 benzos at 18 and weed thankfully in my 20´s i am 25 right now every single of the things listed where abused by me ...1 pack a day 2 pack when its a party alcohol and weed almost every weekend benzos every morning BECAUSE I FEEL WEIRD or at night to sleep and weed everyday for 3 years till i lost my job ! or my anxiety took it from me !

Wait i never remember having anxiety all my life i been a social person i am Libra if you believe in astrology well libra is one of the most social signs...ok soo december 2015 Panic attacks out of nowhere anxiety attacks every single time i smoked weed was the new setting WTF Is going on !! january and february is Summer in my country i am from Chile South America so 2 months of Total DECADENCE weed everyday benzo everyday To cope with the anxiety and offcourse a pack of cigs and a couple beers why not is summer i gonna start studying English Translation In march finally after years avoiding it i was 23 back then

School started looked around boom ! 1 guy like me smoking free weed with him like 2 months May 2016 huge party smoked like 10 blunts drank 2 bottles of vodka smoked like 30 cigs got lay GREAT !! next day everything changed forever tachycardia in the morning i guest is the hangover or whatever take a cab go home pop a benzo and go to sleep bye bitch ... searching like a mad man ADDICT sounds better at home called my old benzo supplier of years he told me is not playing with fire anymore so he cant help me well great ...now what this rapid heartbeat stayed with me for like a week :!: what is going on ....one morning i woke up fine i was so happy yeah i am back i smoked a cig and boom anxiety attack i searched on google and i was convinced that tobacco was the cause of my rapid HB Or tachy Quit smoking cold turkey and told my mother that i feelted like sh** When to a cardio doc gave me some pills and told me to quit everything for a month and see what happened quitted the fangs quit alcohol and weed for 3 weeks and smoked again and Men i got hooked so badly and this is when the sh** got real JULY end of semester 1 month of holidays lets visit old friends Decadence Friends ...

It only lasted a week I was scared to meet them wtf .....everytime i smoked i will get a anxiety attack deep waves of depression wtf Paranoid in public wtf is going on i already quit cigs ... Can´t be the Juana...lets try it AGAIN Invited a girl to chill at my place we where talking a lot 2 puff later i was sooooo paranoid i couldnt make eye contact i told her to leave me alone because i have an emergency call...... i was having an anxiety attack mixed with a panic attack the worse of my Life !! :idea: cryed all night time to change

I quit cold turkey next morning i started reading lots of benefits being of the weed yada yada...the first month i was so motivated then everything started to fall Apart... the next 2 months where hell devoloped social anxiety and depression i finally found a benzo supplier and the first time after like 8 months that i took a benzo this time was klonopin BOOM I was back in town off course i abused my 20mg stash in 2 weeks then what.. school was finally over see you next year great time to recover no more anxiety going to school whateva HERMIT MODE ON !!! Reading post on uncommon forums everyday trying to find out what was my problem i was so sure it was paws and when i hit 8 months everything will be alright ha ha ! .....not for me i guest my Xmas and summer where so painfully exhausting no social life no girls no nada My only goal was recovery and trying to score some benzos by the end of january got some kpins and i was such and addict...

By march college starts let me tell you this is when sh** turns ugly me 8 months sober from weed i should be f***ing happy right ... well not me PAWS still haunted me, everyday i am a different person one day happy next day i am a hermit i fall in love of the new girl in class but i am a complete mess this makes me sad as fark !!! DRINKING HALF A Bottle of Vodka to kill my anxiety and go to school was the new ME .... I was so desperate to go to school socialize i guest living a normal life May 2017 10 months was on my calendar great but wait....Why i fell so BAD NO makes any sense to me :| i am f***ed for life....took the bus visit my parents i cryed so badly mom i am a total mess right now i need help NOW ! Or i am gonna kill myself....next week doctor time i explained everything he told me that i have devoloped an General anxiery disorder as a result of all the weed ABUSE i did in my life ... i should start a ssri and a benzo threatment i was finally hopefull well since day 1 on Paxil my mind slosly started to recover took me about 3 weeks to come back to life and since then i started smoking cigs again what a dumbass i know ...

After 2 months on treatment i was OFICIALLY CURED !!! since then my anxiety was only present because the tobacco so i quit too because doctor told me that nicotine addiction can cause anxiety so he told to stop ! i stopped and After 2 months of NADA !! September 2017 i was back in town more social than ever New friends i travel Alone to 2 different countries got several gfs My school grades where going up ! new hobbies I Was back on Facebook Instagram since my new social anxiety didnt allowed me to share nothing :( anyways i started to smoke Cigarretes again JESUS !! they are so addictive but the excuse was that i was going out so much finally living life this last 2 weeks where not so great :evil: nicotine withdrawal is sh** but is NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I WAS LIVING LAST YEAR now 11 days sober from tobacco and yesterday 1 year 4 months sober from weed and let me tell you life is so awesome ... Halloween was bad donkey my birthday was awesome and now saturday night i am so calm drinking a couple of coronas and just chilling no worries life is so good :wink: IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING READ THIS I HOPE IT HELPS YOU DON´T BE AN EGO BITCH AND JUST ASK FOR HELP ONLY ONE POSSITIVE THING ABOUT MY RECOVERY MEN THIS MAKES YOU SO STRONGER !! WHAT COULD BE WORSE ....IN December gotta visit the doc to finish my treatment or maybe not i dont even care about i am busy with my life finally CHEERS Brothers
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Postby Calm » Sun Nov 05, 2017 10:27 am

What a path! So glad you managed to free yourself of all those shackles. Beware of those Coronas though, my friend. It's a slippery slope back down to that place I KNOW you don't want to go. Even slipperier when you pour beer on top :wink:

I also started drinking (and everything else but needles!) at 14. I only steered clear of pills because my mother was a pill-popping fool and I didn't want to go there. But it was finally alcohol that brought me down. it's more insidious than most of the others because it is such a part of the fabric of culture and family and dating and all of it. EVERYONE (pretty much) drinks.

So I was applauding you as I was reading, but a couple of things popped out (like your mentioning being hungover, and your writing this post while tossing down a couple of Coronas. I'm not judging. We all do this our own way and you've tackled a lot of crap already. I'm just saying, BEWARE : )

I quit everything else but kept drinking and over time it got ugly. I've been completely sober (except for coffee : D for over 10 years. I can't recommend full sobriety enough. For me it's FREEDOM. It removes all of the bullsh*t and lets us have real relationships, real fun, real integrity, health, peace of mind and enjoyment of life. There's no more doubt, no more wondering, no more falseness. It's raw at first : ) but it's real. It calms us down and makes life much easier.

The truth is that if you are someone who has an "addictive personality" who tends toward anxiety, you might keep running to things (girls, beers, excitement) to try to scratch that itch. But it is entirely possible to learn to sit with that itch (which is just discomfort) or to find more nourishing ways to scratch it.

Ever tried meditation? It's hard as hell, but the benefits (to anxiety, neurotic thinking, discomfort, etc.) are astounding.

Celebrating you, high-fiving you (and challenging you toward even more freedom ; )
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Postby seeingthelight » Sun Nov 05, 2017 3:38 pm

Thanks for sharing your journey with us!! I thought about anti-anxiety meds like benzos, however I don’t thing they’re the answer. As for social interactions.. When I use to toke, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. My personality went from a nice, caring, confident and a social dude.. To a hermit angry dik. I couldn’t step outside of myself and see it before.. So I can kind of understand your story. Hang in there and keep on making progress!! A yr+ from the green is a great accomplishment
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Postby LyegotmeKrazy » Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:36 pm

Wow guys 8) you are strong mofos
full sobriety makes life so real no ups and downs just raw but i know that drinking its a slippery path but thankfully when i drink i only crave cigarretes i know weed was my nemesis and believe me i dont wanna live that over again my brain just knows that weed is bad for me if i take One puff its all over i am an addict so One toke and next day i am on The juana 24/7 thank god alcohol its not a problem for me anymore today i have to do homework ..study and The last thing i want is a beer probably not gonna drink for a week No Problemo i think my biggest trigger as always being music a couple of good songs and my brain just craves a cig a beer a joint but Not anymore Music While Sober its The Greatest Thing !!

The Thing with anxiety meds its that You have to Face your Fears from smoking a joint and being a social butterfly to toking and avoiding The whole world and your mind playing tricks on you was The worse part of being a WEED addict But after 2 Months of treatment i was going to school everyday making new friends joining groups etc. The last 2 Months of my life where The greatest ones social as fark ! not overthinking and just facing my fears Traveling to other countries getting a gf yada yada i was finally living life somedays i even forget that i have to take my Pills :lol:

And for meditation Music is my drug a couple candles good tunes i close my eyes and its on ! And off course after a good ole exercise session Exercise Its a MUST at least 5 times a week Raises confidence for Free since i have a an addictive personality exercise and music with meditation are my new hard drugs ha ha HA ! if anyone needs helps just Talk to me :wink:
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