Dilemma

Postby Crystadiane4 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:19 am

So, kind of a long story. But, I could really use some help.
My boyfriend and I starting dating almost a year and a half ago. We are living together and things we're going so so so well. Last week, we found out that he has a 9 month old child with a girl he slept with a month or two before we met. It was a completely weird situation and the girl didn't know she was pregnant until she was in labor. No signs or anything. She went to the hospital for what she thought was kidney stones and gave birth. My boyfriend recently saw a picture of the baby and got in touch with her to set up a test. Long story short it's his. I am struggling a little bit with the fact that he has a kid with another girl, but I am REALLY struggling with the fact that they have to talk and get together often now. I get jealous very easily and am emotionally feeling very down and drained. I went with him to meet her and the baby, but since then he has had to meet up with her to do the first of a few visits until she feels comfortable with him taking the baby (while I was at work) and currently she is going to his parents to meet them and so that they can meet the baby. I'm not concerned about cheating. I trust my boyfriend and I truly think that he wouldn't do that. But I'm having a very hard time with getting over them spending time together and talking. Oh the phone, texting, in person, all that jazz. In our relationship, it's always just been him and I. He has always been very good about keeping boundaries and a distance from his friends that are female and I've done the same with mine that are male. How do I get over this jealousy and sick feeling in my stomach when I have to work and they have to do things like this? The entire rest of the week I will be working and he will be meeting her parents, meeting up with her to do visits with the baby and so they can figure everything out. Logically I know this has to be done and he is only being responsible. But I'm so upset that this is happening and I need to get over it if our relationship is going to work. Any advice?
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#1

Postby tokeless » Thu Nov 30, 2017 7:11 am

It's bound to have come as a shock to both of you and perhaps for different reasons. For you the insecurity it has created, understandibly and for him that he has a child he never thought he did.
He is doing the right thing by taking responsibility and I think you know that so you need to talk to him about his this makes you feel. You need to pick a time when things have settled but you also need to be aware that this will change your relationship forever because he is the father of a child to someone else and that's for life... Depending how long he was with the other women will also effect things because if he decides he wants to be with her now because of the baby it will impact on you.. you need a discussion and that will be tough and challenging. I wish you well
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#2

Postby laureat » Thu Nov 30, 2017 7:16 am

1. You have to make sure if he hasnt change his mind about the relationship: because you dont want any confusion about the relationship and to feel guilty and sorry about happening to be around

2. If you guys want to be together you have to find an agreement about some rules which will make you guys both happy to be together:

Here is proposition:

you guys should not abandon the baby because the baby needs love and care: and the baby doesnt mind if you also participate on parenting: you are going to do that together : do not hesitate to be part of the parenting ( love, care) like you can start with buy some clothes

You should not be forgotten by your bf: he should not complicate the situation for himself and his x with too much privacy with his x: he should understand that you are his gf and whatever you do : you do together, you visit the baby together, you love together

There is no such relationship as you, your bf and his x: unless you guys want a threesome

No it is you and your bf only: and his x has nothing to do with you guys

But you guys also have a kid which you dont want to feel abandoned and you together: you go to visit to care and love on the best interest of the baby
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