My Quit Weed Journey

Postby SoulFull » Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:00 pm

I'd like to thank everyone here especially wakinglife for giving me hope and positivity i need to continue this journey. It is with your writings and sharing of experiences that I feel that I can finally quit weed and even cigarettes for good this time.. I have been totally clean of both for 2 months now.. and I have been using weed for more than a decade but the last 4 years were chronic with 3-5 joints a daily. I've experienced 2 relapses in between the period where I went through the chronic use of weed. And I have been smoking cigs for 17 years with countless relapses. I usually roll the weed with tobacco. So that's why I'm quitting both. Smoking cigarettes will eventually bring me back to weed after a while of quitting.

Now clean of these 2 vices of mine for 2 months. It has been dreadful. Anxiety attacks, full scale depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, sadness, feelings of hopelessness, lost of appetite and libido, brain fog, fear that I have suddenly become stupid and useless, backpain and locking myself in isolation. No motivation whatsoever. Sleeping a lot too. Not having symptoms of insomnia that a lot of people here are facing but the opposite is true for me. I sleep around midnight and wake up for a while around 7am and then continue to sleep until 1pm. I'm worried about this. Anybody knows what's happening to me? And yes, dreams are so vivid, not nightmarish though..

Currently not working and lucky to have a wife who is so understanding in my quit process who encourages that I get well first.. I really want to this time.. I have 2 kids, one 3 year old boy and a year old girl is counting on me to get well and be the father and husband they all deserve. God knows how dreadful a person I was during my chronic use of weed.

Things are getting better now as i reach this 2nd month. I do light exercizes. Push-ups, squats, sit-ups, planks as often as I can in my room as i isolate myself from the world. Eating brown rice decreases my depression and anxiety. Also eating an egg a day mixed with some dried oregano and black pepper helps me by giving a good feel in my stomach. During my 1st month, i didn't even want to eat and lost a lot of weight. I can fit into my swimming pants which I bought 6 years back now. A lot of people here mentioned fish oil so i included sardines marinated with tumeric. And lots of water. So far so good. All of these help my mood and feeling of wellbeing. Feeling more positive now.

As for coffee, I tried to include it in my diet to get me motivated again but i become grouchy when the effects of caffein are gone. So I stopped. I still have fear of getting out of the house to meet people. I don't know when I will stop feeling like this. And I hope to get my motivation back soon. I need to go find a job and provide for my family. Anybody knows how to get back the motivation lost due to this withdrawal process? Sometimes i fear that this will take too long. Looking for ways to speed up the process.

I am calmer now. I realised yesterday that I don't freak out as much as before when I'm outside the house. A friend asked me to write some lyrics for a song for his band a few weeks back since he knows that i'm not doing anything else currently. I wrote those lyrics clearheaded, no cigarettes, no weed, nothing. He said it was great and will use it and have his band record it in the studio. Today he sent me the finished song with my lyrics in it. The ones i wrote. And I felt really genuinely happy.

Just wanted to share my story, as your stories motivated me.

Thanks again guys.
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#1

Postby Miraculous » Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:11 pm

Congratulations and kudos for going to hell and back (sounds like) quitting! So important to be fully present for your young kids. And then there’s the ripple effect - if you can do it, I guess I can do it. I’ve tried and given up so many times. I know life would be better without, so today is the day I declare that i quit again! I’m just three days shy of a year off cigarettes - surely I can quit weed!
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#2

Postby SoulFull » Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:39 am

Thank you Miraculous for your kind reply. And congrats for reaching 1 year off cigarettes. I'm pretty sure you can quit weed too. I wish you all the best :D Please let us know your progress, as I too will do the same.

I guess this forum helps not just us but also others who are not sure if quitting is even a possibility. I felt so lost and hopeless before reaching this site. Everyday was just a day filled with confusion and loneliness. After reading a lot of people's success here, such including yours on the the cigarettes quit, my will has become stronger than ever. I now understand that I'm not alone, battling the grip that weed and cigs had over me for so long. I am thankful for this forum and the people contributing their kind words and support.

It is time for a change. I want to be here another 10 years helping others to overcome their addictions too by sharing my side of the story, which I hope will be successful. Hence the creation of this thread. I want to cause more and more positive ripple effects as you so eloquently put it.

I know that people from all around the world are reading this, hoping for a change in their lives. For themselves, for their families, for their loved ones in the present or soon to be.. The same with me, and my family and all my loved ones.. I want to become the best version of myself.. And being on weed wasn't the answer. No matter what superpower it gave me before, it took away from me and my family too many.. No more.

Pray for me. I pray for you too.
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#3

Postby SoulFull » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:50 am

Hi everybody..

Still resisting temptations. After the worst part of the withdrawal which is the depression and anxiety part, comes the part where my mind thinks it's ok to have a few puffs. I notice that i really wanted to take a hit when I was actually feeling quite happy while being alone. I've accomplished something recently, proud of it, and I get this strong urge to smoke, kind of like wanting to celebrate the private victory.

Sometimes it comes to me so strong that I immediately try to sleep it off. The next morning I'd forget why I even wanted to have one puff the night before. I am relieved that I didn't allow it to happen. Believe me, it was that easy to end the 2 month streak smoke free because, i have some with me. I did not throw it away when I decided to quit, because I want to have power over it while it is readily available to me instead of just having power over it only when weed is not available. That way I stand a better chance not caving in when with friends who smoke and they have some weed with them. Am I making sense?

Or is this a risky thing to do? I've relapsed a lot of times. A lot of them while being with friends who smoke. Then i take a hit. Then I'm back smoking regularly non-stop

Not doing that again.
A lot of things make me happy now. Even the smallest things. I'm just going to continue finding ways to distract myself and if worse comes to worse, i'd just sleep it off.
So that the next day I'd wake up feeling victorious.
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#4

Postby SoulFull » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:31 pm

Today was tough. But I found a method to distract myself. Try jumping rope 300 times. It worked for me.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant."
- Robert Louis Stevenson -
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#5

Postby Miraculous » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:33 pm

Good for you Soulful! I’m on day four. Couldn’t sleep last night - was up till three or four am. Not thrilled but hanging in... the addict in me, who demands instant gratification, wants the benefits of quitting immediately! But I guess that’s part of the growth process - need patience!
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#6

Postby SoulFull » Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:08 am

Hey Miraculous, how are things on your part? Hope you are doing well. Whenever things look bad for myself, I'll come by here and read the posts that have been written by countless others who have made it. Yup I agree, patience is key towards recovery.

As for me, I'm doing ok i guess. No longer stressed out all the time. Communicating with people more. Reading story books to the kids a lot and being more present in their lives. And the other day I just sat there and listened to my wife talking about her day at work for hours. Didn't interrupt her, just sat there and listened, giving her my full attention. Something I couldn't do before. I guess this is among the benefits of being totally sober that have been mentioned in the posts here in the forum. Genuinely enjoying the simplest of things I guess.

Routine workouts help me a lot. Even simple types like doing push-ups every single day.
Have a great weekend everyone!
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#7

Postby BasedNight » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:59 am

Hey SoulFull, read your story and its good to hear about what keeps you motivated. Although i'm only on day 2 of being weed free, I think its great to try and keep your head up and focus on the upsides instead of the painful downsides of quitting. Trying to stay positive myself, but a pounding headache and insomnia wears down on ya haha. Keep up the good work and looking forward to hearing more about your progress!

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#8

Postby SoulFull » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:10 pm

2.5 months off weed
3.5 months off cigarettes

Hey Midnight, thank you for your reply and support! You've no idea how much it means to me. Good for you on being weed free. Stand tall and I'll stand with you, buddy! :o

To be honest, i was really anxious today. There were issues with my credit card and i freaked. I later asked my wife whether it was something to be really freaked out by to the point of being non-functional, where she replied "nahhh, it is something we can handle."

I on the other hand was paranoid, and thought of countless things that could go wrong. I usually would just smoke my feelings back to relaxation, but that was before. The me now tries hard to be patient and breathe until i calm myself down. Not by using any substances, just doing it myself.

Decided to settle the issue tomorrow at the credit card office. Prepared whatever i needed to prepare to fight my case. Trying to fight off the anxiety by doing whatever i can with what i have with me at the moment. Figuring out the next step as I go. One by one. Coming to terms with the things i can't control, and doing the best with the things I can control. I'm done being scared/paranoid/anxious. I want to be like freakin Mel Gibson in the movie Bravehart. Or like the Spartan king, Leonidas in the movie 300. Come what may.

Midnight, I recommend working out and drinking lots of water when you start feeling bad. This helps with the insomnia. Tire yourself out every single day and you'd sleep like a baby with very vivid dreams. I've also experienced the tough headaches, especially when i take too much salt in my food. Maybe it's just me as all of us are different. But try reducing the salt in your food, see how it goes for you. When I was smoking I took lots of salt in my food, but I can no longer take too much now it seems. Is this common, guys? Appreciate the feedback.

P/s: I find doing puzzles such as Sudoku really helps with anxiety. Same lesson here, fill in one box at a time. One day at a time.

One by one. Until it's complete.

Good luck guys 8)
Till next time
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#9

Postby VaxR » Fri Dec 15, 2017 5:08 am

I know that people from all around the world are reading this, hoping for a change in their lives. -Soulfull

Read a LOT of posts on this site, but this one stuck....and i appreciate the fact you had the broad thinking to post such a comment because it stuck with me of all the other posts i have read here...It really is true!

So i have been smoking for probably almost 20 years. Few times i quit over that period, not by choice, but usually inspired by an employer if i wanted to keep my job. Which brings me to my current situation, full change in careers 4 years ago and back to college....got my degree and find myself now venturing in unknown territory as far as my career.

There is WAYYY to much at stake to lose now, and i have decided that i need to conquer this addiction. Do not get me wrong, I f***ing looooove smoking herB! And i have found it a bit demotivating at times, but feel that i manage to be quite productive and don't blame herb for ruining my life by any means....I exercise almost daily, have run more then a few 1/2 marathons and even competed in a triathalon last year that took TONS of training dedication to achieve.

But it finally hit me....as much as i try to justify that it doesn't affect my life, I clearly have decided it must....why else would i do it everyday? So I find myself going on day 5. The insomnia is HORRIBLE and I would love to feel that wonderful wave crash over me after taking a nice hit for the first time of the day. But my willpower needs to be checked.

When i first started, couple college friends got me to try it before an Adam Sandler live show...I absolutely HATED it! got sick as a dog and could barely function most the day going up to the show...over time i tried it a couple more times and developed a liking. NEVER thought it would result in 20 years of smoking! I quit ciggies 7 years ago yet grass was always there to make me feel nice. I have a vape now for the smoking habit and am going to try to maintain for at least 2 months. I can use alcohol for help, never has it been a crutch for me.

JUST very happy to read and appreciate those others sharing their story and providing support. Gives a fella hope.

CheerS!
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#10

Postby SoulFull » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:13 pm

Hey VaxR, nice to have you here sharing your story. Loved it. Like you I too didn't realize how much weed was affecting me, I enjoyed it too much. Until one day, i sat down and really contemplated how big a toll it took on my life. Like a flip of a button, "I MUST END THIS NOW," I promised myself.

"A promise to myself."
Believe it or not, I just realized at this very moment while typing this, that I actually love myself. All the more reason to honor this promise.

Much respect to you for being able to quit cigarettes for 7 years. And I wish you a steady journey for your newfound quit weed endeavor as well. Let me know which one is harder to overcome, because as you know I'm quitting both at the same time. I have no clue which one is affecting me in which way.

All i know is that it's the first time in 17 years that my body is totally nicotine and weed free for this long. The anxiety I'm dealing with can be overwhelming at times. But i'm soldiering on. Still hoping for a change towards the better. Because I couldn't go on the way I used to when I was smoking all the time while awake. I was using it to stay positive, despite all the negative realities of my life. It was an escape. Despite making changes of the things that were affecting me, i became someone who just tolerated and at times, even became a person who went against my own ideals. I'm opting for another way of life. A life where I take life by the horns and manuevere it towards something that is PURELY positive for me. No filters. Just the real deal.

I'm running a marathon here buddy. Another thing I just realized thanks to you VaxR. My quit smoking journey's a marathon. Never was a sprint.

Hoping for awesome views :D

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#11

Postby SoulFull » Wed Dec 20, 2017 9:47 am

Today i threw out whatever weed I had left. Wasn't smoking them throughout the quit but was keeping them just in case things got too bad. I know, I should have flushed them down the toilet the minute I decided to quit.

Things were not easy I have to admit, but I'm not going through this withdrawal process again. Ever. Yesterday I had the confidence to just throw them away. Because I'm never going to smoke ever again.

Have been reading a lot of posts here even from years back, and I can't wait to hit the 3-6 month mark. And today I decided that I'm going to find Vitamin B and Omega 3 supplements to help with this journey. Hope it helps to speed up my recovery.
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#12

Postby cleanofgreen » Wed Dec 20, 2017 2:47 pm

Hey SoulFull,
Congratz on the quit. I know were your at right now and it's not easy.The B complex and Omega 3 definitely work. The omega 3 is needed for the brain to rewire as the brain is made up of 60% fat and your body can use omega 3 most effectively for the brain. Just know that in a short while you will look back at the moment you decided to quit as one of the best decisions you've every made in your life. It is life changing, both for you and your family. Why settle for 20% of the man you are while a stoner when you can have tho whole 100%.
Good Luck and Stay Strong.
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#13

Postby VaxR » Wed Dec 20, 2017 4:25 pm

Hey Soulfull,

Thanks for the great message m8....It really does help a lot to know others are struggling with the same problems I am! And you are absolutely right, it is a marathon! This isn't something any of us can rush, it's not going to be easy, but it will pay off in the end! Huge props for you to toss your weed bro! Know that couldn't have been easy......I went 7 days last week and broke down a little, rationalized things that i deserved a reward and there was a little bit of grass in my house still....I'm not quite as strong as you to toss it in the trash so I smoked it. Now its gone and I am reset back to, hmmmm, day 3 now.

I will say this, even though i did reset i am finding sleeping to come a bit easier still. Don't think the weekend reset was so terrible to bringing back withdrawl symptoms, as i was dreading sleep everynight last week (or lack thereof). I just got a new part time job that is doing a great job of filling my time and pockets for that matter, absolutely helps to distract the mind from the cravings! I personally found that boredom and restlessness are the 2 leading causes for my need to smoke. Fill my mind and my time and it is a lot easier.

Sorry for the late response, but I will try to continue posting as time goes by, keep on keeping on brother!

Cheers
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#14

Postby SoulFull » Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:54 pm

cleanofgreen wrote:Hey SoulFull,
Congratz on the quit. I know were your at right now and it's not easy.The B complex and Omega 3 definitely work. The omega 3 is needed for the brain to rewire as the brain is made up of 60% fat and your body can use omega 3 most effectively for the brain. Just know that in a short while you will look back at the moment you decided to quit as one of the best decisions you've every made in your life. It is life changing, both for you and your family. Why settle for 20% of the man you are while a stoner when you can have tho whole 100%.
Good Luck and Stay Strong.


Hey there cleanofgreen, I'm a big fan, it's awesome to have you here helping me (and I'm sure countless others) with our quit as you have successfully undergone yours for such a long time. I have been reading your thread and besides the omega3 and vitamin B complex supplements, you've also mentioned to include protein and lots of fruits and veges. I think you are right since I'm feeling quite awesome after taking in more protein today. And yesterday, I started taking a Vitamin C with added Zinc supplement. Combined with a workout of jumping rope 574 times, I'm starting to feel really positive today. I haven't felt such excitement since the day i quit. Thank you so much for the information buddy. This could be a turning point for me. Really starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It looks BRIGHT 8)

My man VaxR,
I totally understand how you feel about not throwing the leftover weed that you had. Before I threw mine out, I had it with me for more than 4 months. I've gone for 2 weeks without smoking any and then this one night I smoked a joint because I was feeling celebratory. I didn't smoke any cigarettes though, the pull of weed was greater. So that was a reset for me as well. The day after, I regretted it and asked my wife to hide my stash for me. So it was back to day 1 again. This was before I found this forum. I'm now close to the 3 month mark weed free and 4 months cigarette free. Although I wasn't feeling really good, I asked my wife to throw my weed away. She asked whether I was sure because I had a lot, and I told her hell yea..! Somehow I felt that I really want to do it this time around. Somehow, out of no where, I felt that I CAN do it. So I stopped justifying the need for me to have "back-up" weed and just threw it all away after nearing 3 months. If I can so can you buddy. Your day 3 will become month 3 eventually. Your sleep will also get better eventually. It was SLOW for me because currently I'm not working. It's good that you found a part time job VaxR. Congrats man. This will really speed up the process for you as your mind will be occupied by your new job. I'll be searching for a job too soon, after the holidays. Wish me luck :D And good luck to you too!

Peace and Love
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