I'd like to thank everyone here especially wakinglife for giving me hope and positivity i need to continue this journey. It is with your writings and sharing of experiences that I feel that I can finally quit weed and even cigarettes for good this time.. I have been totally clean of both for 2 months now.. and I have been using weed for more than a decade but the last 4 years were chronic with 3-5 joints a daily. I've experienced 2 relapses in between the period where I went through the chronic use of weed. And I have been smoking cigs for 17 years with countless relapses. I usually roll the weed with tobacco. So that's why I'm quitting both. Smoking cigarettes will eventually bring me back to weed after a while of quitting.
Now clean of these 2 vices of mine for 2 months. It has been dreadful. Anxiety attacks, full scale depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, sadness, feelings of hopelessness, lost of appetite and libido, brain fog, fear that I have suddenly become stupid and useless, backpain and locking myself in isolation. No motivation whatsoever. Sleeping a lot too. Not having symptoms of insomnia that a lot of people here are facing but the opposite is true for me. I sleep around midnight and wake up for a while around 7am and then continue to sleep until 1pm. I'm worried about this. Anybody knows what's happening to me? And yes, dreams are so vivid, not nightmarish though..
Currently not working and lucky to have a wife who is so understanding in my quit process who encourages that I get well first.. I really want to this time.. I have 2 kids, one 3 year old boy and a year old girl is counting on me to get well and be the father and husband they all deserve. God knows how dreadful a person I was during my chronic use of weed.
Things are getting better now as i reach this 2nd month. I do light exercizes. Push-ups, squats, sit-ups, planks as often as I can in my room as i isolate myself from the world. Eating brown rice decreases my depression and anxiety. Also eating an egg a day mixed with some dried oregano and black pepper helps me by giving a good feel in my stomach. During my 1st month, i didn't even want to eat and lost a lot of weight. I can fit into my swimming pants which I bought 6 years back now. A lot of people here mentioned fish oil so i included sardines marinated with tumeric. And lots of water. So far so good. All of these help my mood and feeling of wellbeing. Feeling more positive now.
As for coffee, I tried to include it in my diet to get me motivated again but i become grouchy when the effects of caffein are gone. So I stopped. I still have fear of getting out of the house to meet people. I don't know when I will stop feeling like this. And I hope to get my motivation back soon. I need to go find a job and provide for my family. Anybody knows how to get back the motivation lost due to this withdrawal process? Sometimes i fear that this will take too long. Looking for ways to speed up the process.
I am calmer now. I realised yesterday that I don't freak out as much as before when I'm outside the house. A friend asked me to write some lyrics for a song for his band a few weeks back since he knows that i'm not doing anything else currently. I wrote those lyrics clearheaded, no cigarettes, no weed, nothing. He said it was great and will use it and have his band record it in the studio. Today he sent me the finished song with my lyrics in it. The ones i wrote. And I felt really genuinely happy.
Just wanted to share my story, as your stories motivated me.
Thanks again guys.
SoulFull