My Quit Weed Journey

#30

Postby SoulFull » Wed Feb 21, 2018 5:28 am

I am getting to 5 months clean. Man, what a journey. For cigarettes it's 6 months. That's half a year! I never believed that this was even possible when I started this quit journey. I thought that I was going to fail after a month or so after failing so many times before. This time, I'm doing great. 100% clean and really enjoying other things that used to excite me such as creative writing and music creation. For long time quitters, have you felt that your intelligence came back after a certain point of time remaining quit? I think I am now experiencing this. I feel smarter, and have quicker response. Also a greater sense of empathy towards others.

My outlook on life has become more positive. My relationships with family members have improved, as I find that I'm much more understanding and forgiving compared to before. I'm also less offended or irritated by whatever stimulus that doesn't suit my tastes. I still communicate with my friends who are still smoking and find that sometimes they say and do things that are really offensive without them even realizing it. I'm not even mad nowadays, which is good. I like being this calm person that can take unpleasantries like this without reacting myself. I am really certain that they don't realize what they're saying/doing is actually distasteful. It's so subtle that it usually goes unnoticed, but I get it. I really do. Because after careful analysis, I conclude that I was once like them too. A lot of people couldn't stand me, and I didn't know why. Was it because I was so stoned that I didn't really care for the things people felt while blurting out intense words that could have been toned down a little, or was it because my mind was in an unhealthy negative state that I felt easily offended/irritated by things that actually meant nothing, that I too reacted in a way that was unpleasant to them. However subtle.

I have a good friend who has quit for more than 2 years. I remember the last joint we had together was before a Avenger movie we went to see. 6 months ago we went on a roadtrip together. I was very impressed by how calm he was when faced with challenging/unpleasant/offensive situations, never having the need to react similarly himself. Unlike me who was constantly intoxicated and irritated (it was an overseas trip and the country we went to had strict laws against drugs), he had great control over his emotions, and that was not him at all for two decades of marijuana abuse. This profound change that I see in my good friend, has motivated me immensely to try to bring about the same change within myself. After nearly 5 months,
I can say that I too am experiencing the same calmness, although not even close to his level yet. Can't wait to get to where he is now, about 2.5 years quit, and experience the same benefits. I believe that everyone can do this, since he himself was the one who started smoking weed first in our group of friends. A dragon level smoker, who had successfully found his way out.

Well that's it for today. Will post more updates when I realize that I have reached another milestone.

Stay clean. Peace,
SoulFull
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#31

Postby noturningback » Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:30 am

Hi Soulfull

Thank you for posting at the 5 months mark. Its a really positive outcome for you, and gives me hope. I have only just begun to post on his site. 4 weeks in, still in the brain fog, but optimistic for the future. I have quit cigarettes too...just some morning coffee which is a huge improvement.

It really sounds like you have emotionally developed as a person and have learnt different strategies with regards to managing stress. This is something you really can't do when heavily stoned. I can't vouch yet as a long time quitter, but i have witnessed this change in a couple of friends who quit some years ago. You would never even know that they ever had an issue with cannabis. They have a zest for life again and that's where I'm heading. It sounds like, by nature, you are a positive guy and i think that's half the battle.

Its funny how weed smokers initially tend to have the illusion that they are chilled out, when in fact it makes everything (apart from smoking) intolerable. Your calmness is so real now. Not something you are trying to induce from a plant. And yes, self medicating is the big elephant in the room. You were masking some anger issues. You have probably had do do some soul searching as to why and it's paying off now. I'm glad to hear that your creativity has been restored and you are able to enjoy writing and making music again.

Thank you

Look forward to hearing your further progress.

Andrea
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#32

Postby SoulFull » Thu Mar 01, 2018 5:14 pm

Hi Andrea, How are things so far with you? I hope you're doing good. Just had a cup of coffee and getting in the mood for some work. I don't know how I'd survive without coffee anymore. Have been drinking lots due to the demands of work. Although it has improved my life in the mornings since I quit both weed and cigs 5 and 6 months ago. It got me my motivation back when I don't have the time to get motivated through excercize, which in my opinion is a better way, because it's more natural, I guess. However, still surviving and still clean of both. Thank you coffee!

One of my motivations to stay quit comes from my two small kids. I no longer smell like smoke when I'm with them. When I hug them, or carry them, I don't have to feel guilty that they are breathing in the smoke reekung out from me. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking but me and my wife seem to observe huge changes in behaviour of my 1st born son (who's 3.5 years old) since my quit. We both notice that he's less aggressive and way nicer compared to before when I smoked. I don't know, is it possible to affect small kids when they breathe in the smells from our clothes when they reek of smoke? Did the chemicals from the weed and cigarettes affected my kid before? Were they also subject to withdrawal symptoms just from the faint smell of smoke they get while being near me? Because he's totally cool now since I've quit for this long. Maybe, maybe not. I'm just thankful for the outcome.

Whenever I start feeling anxious/depressed, (sometimes I still do, could be PAWS, or it could be just me returning to my original state that I covered up using weed/cigs) first I'd try to remember whether I've drank enough water earlier. It could be just a sign of dehydration. Second, I'd go grab a bite to eat. It could just be my blood sugar dropping, this is easier to identify since I'd feel a very slight headache that'll usually disappear after eating something. Third, I'd check whether I've eaten my supplements which are only Vitamin C+Zinc and Omega3. Still haven't bought the B complex which were heavily recommended by members of this forum since the two supplements that I'm taking have been enough for me, so far.

And don't forget to excercize. I started playing basketball again. I think I stoped playing for 5 years. Bought a ball and just went to the empty courts in the playground where I live and play in the afternoons until the sun falls down. I can't believe I've left this enjoyable sport of mine for this long. People really love football where I live and I'd usually play alone or with my wife who's a very good netball player, while the kids run around. I notice that I'm really getting back to my younger self who I left hanging on the basketball ring, while I pursued the HIGH life.

I'm now doing the things I used to enjoy. Lots of it. Seriously, If I were to tell you, you won't believe me.

Hang in there Andrea a.k.a. noturningback. You got this. A day at a time. It'll be worthwhile, I promise you.
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#33

Postby SoulFull » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:46 pm

Just wanted to drop a note, I wish everyone the best in your quits and keep on the good fight.Things have been great for me so far. I'm reaching 5.5 months off weed and 6.5 months off cigs in less than a week.

I have never been so motivated in my life. I'm writing sometimes upto 2 songs a day and am really focussed. Not needing to get out of the house to take a few puffs or pause working to roll a joint. I'm just working non stop and I think my brain is rewiring to find joy and bliss from the work that I do rather than from drugs. I'm like a machine with this awesome newfound work ethic that came out of nowhere. I just want to do better everyday.

It's a good thing I learned from experienced quitters here by reading their posts that you need to substitute smoking with an activity that you like. Or get a new skill. Or polish old ones, something that used to excite you. Or train your body by workouts/sports and stuff. In my case, I've been complemented that I look fitter now. I used to have a bit of weight on me due to bingeing during munchies sessions. Now I take care of my diet, and I play basketball almost every evening, after not playing for years. Started out my quit with just jumping rope as the physical workout of choice since I didn't want to get out of the house. Can you imagine?

I'm going to keep on telling myself I've got this. It seems to be working so far.
Cheers!
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#34

Postby SoulFull » Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:45 pm

There are days that I feel helpless, and today is one of those days. God, I feel like smoking something. The urge, I can't bear it.

I lost a friend. We've been together for so long, since high school. I smoked my first bong with him. Did a lot of other first time sh*t I'm not proud of with him as well. He was the drums, I was the bass. Major influencer of my life in a very subtle way. I followed him everywhere. Even to different continents. We've both lost so much together. We had everything, but we didn't realize it until it was all gone.

A few days back I made the decision to end our friendship and told him I'm out. It's for both our sakes. After quitting nearly 6 months, this has been on my mind constantly. End the friendship, or risk being caught in the same cycle over and over again, like the last 20 years. We're just bad for each other and it has been proven time and time again. We both know it. I am not the same person anymore. I have to change, and I have to shake off his grip on me that he had all these years. So I told him, I'm out.

This feels like the 1st week of my weed quit. Hurts like hell. But I had to do it. If there was any other way, I would have taken it.

You know what, I'm not going to smoke. I'm going to face this pain. Not with weed, not with cigarettes, not with alcohol, not with pills, nothing. The demons can whisper, cry, yell all they want.

I'm holding on to me. To the person I want to be. And if I have to go through this hell to get there, so be it.

It's not like I've never climbed out of hell before. Only this time, I'm doing this sober.

Wish me luck.
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#35

Postby EdiBee » Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:35 pm

Great post man. I am in a similar situation, had to quit seeing an old smoking buddy. It is not easy, because I am more alone than ever, but I am sober, dealing with all the problems through the magnificent power of sobriety. Keep on, you can do this, we all can. We’ll be stronger each day.
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#36

Postby SoulFull » Thu Mar 15, 2018 10:09 am

Hey EdiBee, thanks for your support. I guess you can relate by having to choose to lose someone yourself. I know for sure that it's for the better, but it's hard, no doubt about it. Hope you're handling it well my friend.

How far am I willing to go for this quit? I've been thinking about this a lot. It seems that I've ascended into a being unfamiliar even to myself.

"Growth" ... Or so they call it. Far to slow a pace if you ask me. Impatience. It's been only what, 6 months? Well, this growth has been long over due. And I was the one who halted it in the first place.

There's this sort of thrill in not knowing what will happen to this new person who has undergone probably one of the most hardest things go through in life; beating an addiction. There's also fear. Fear that I'm actually descending. The latter can't be true since I can see and feel the transformation and positive outcomes. So I brush it off as anxiety, doing its level best to cripple me. A tradeoff for this magnificent power of sobriety, as EdiBee coined it, and I have come to accept this with arms wide open.

Everyday, I'd wake up, and if I find the courage to just go on living my life the best that I can, to do stuff I love, to tolerate the things I don't for the greater good, then I'm a happy man. If I wake up and have the strength to overcome the hurdles thrown at me without having to intoxicate myself, I'm a happy man. If I can stay true to myself by abiding to my principles, I'm happy.

Today I realise, I'm actually a happy man.

5.5 months off weed.
6.5 months off cigs.

Go go go !
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#37

Postby mikeabbot » Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:22 pm

Hey SoulFull!

Wow! Looks like things are changing into the right direction! I've been feeling amazing for the last two days and I think my emotions are coming back. I felt a felling of pure joy last night. I haven't felt that in the last 6 months.
And exactly like you said - you need a new substitute, a healthy one. Writing music is perfect, it helps me too. Other than that, sun is starting to shine - time to grab my skateboard and just go crazy.

As you said, you have to substitute your old behaviour with something new.

Other than that, time heals and I think we'll get even better! You know why? Cause we're not dead yet :wink:

Have a wonderful day!

Cheers, Mike
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#38

Postby SoulFull » Thu Mar 15, 2018 1:47 pm

:D

Just the thought of you going berserk with your skateboard puts a big smile on my face. Happy for you man.

Go Mike Go !
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#39

Postby SoulFull » Sun Mar 25, 2018 5:27 pm

Hey. Happy Sunday!

Still clean. Miraculous. Things are really great. Having lots of fun with the normal daily stuff. Had to attend kinda a formal lunch which I wasn't really comfortable going to, but went anyway. It started out with me being an emotionless zombie just sitting on my chair staring at my plate. It turned out to be quite a delightful afternoon later, as my stomach began to digest the butter fish I ordered which gave me just enough dopamine to enggage in conversations. Next thing I know, I'm making jokes and enjoying the responses from across the table, from people I usually don't get along very well with too. Good food kills unwarranted worries. It was a good lunch.

Played some hardcore basketball today. Had a one-on-one with my bro who's on a 3 month break from college. The last time was 5 years back.

He used to beat me easily before. I won this time, and he was surprised in my increase in stamina and heightened accuracy of shots after I decided to stop smoking. Will be doing this every evening. Kicking his a*s I mean. No mercy shall be given. He didn't smoke before he went to college, but then picked up the habit. I even smoked in his apartment once before my quit when I went there for a visit. Shared a big blunt rolled by one of his college mates there. Yeah, have to admit, wanted to act cool that time despite being worried that he started smoking. I'm just going to remain quit and do well in life so that he too can see the benefits of my actions, and maybe later on go clean.

For now, gotta walk the talk. Life's been good. To those still struggling, life gets better. Keep on fighting.
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#40

Postby exstonerinhell » Mon Mar 26, 2018 1:23 am

Hi SoulFull,

Just catching up on your journal and have to say I'm inspired by your attitude and progress. I feel somewhat in a rut with what I'm going through but can't deny I've had some good/better days lately. Then I sort of get thrown back and have a hard time holding on to those improvements.

Anyway, thank you so much for documenting your struggles and I look forward to following your progress!
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#41

Postby SoulFull » Mon Mar 26, 2018 1:50 am

Hi exstonerinhell,
Don't worry mate, keep at it and one day that stairway to heaven will descend from the clouds. It's an up and down thing for me as well. Collected quite a few battle scars along the way and proudly displayed them here as entries for those interested to see.

Since I felt this roller coaster of emotions that came along with the quit, I decided to channel it into art/creative works. I chose to draw the things my kids want me to draw everyday (Usually toy cars as my boy's a big fan of all sorts of cars, it's amazing how many toy cars we have in this household, I can't even walk around without stepping on one) and song writing. Both while being happy/unhappy. Usually with weed, it was just increased/fabricated happiness, not the true form.

So whatever emotion I have that may or may not hinder me living my ordinary everyday life, will be used as FUEL for my artworks. So now, what used to be something negative, (anxiety/depression etc) is now the catalyst for something awesome in physical form (at least to me).

Whatever works for you and sparks your interest man. Go berserk.
Improvements in our lives are already here, we're present and doing the things we love. Come what may.

All the best man. You're doing great. Keep it up.
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#42

Postby SoulFull » Thu Apr 05, 2018 5:11 pm

6 months off weed
7 months off cigarettes

So I'm here, the 6 month mark. So far I'm feeling great. The quality of my work has improved tremendously. Aside from low energy levels in the morning, other aspects of my life have mostly improved.

I'm now able to write the lyrics for a song on the spot with the singer and musicians in front of me doing their thing. Just last night we recorded this awesome song together in the studio and the whole process took only 4 hours. Six months ago when I started my quit, I was no where near this level of skill and sharpness. I wasn't even a song writer!

For 6 months I've written pages and pages of lyrics with beats and instrumentals that I've gathered from all over and suddenly I'm able to do what I did last night. My team mates consisting of experienced musician/composers applauded this ability I have which had surfaced and they noticed have continued to improve over time.

What happened was I felt the need to distract myself from all the anxieties and depression I had when I quit weed/cigarettes etc, so I chose creative work. I guess it payed off.

What improved for you during your quit? Tell me your story if you don't mind. :D

Peace
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#43

Postby InkChalk » Sun Apr 08, 2018 5:48 am

Hey Soulfull,
I've caught up on my reading of your fine fine journal. It always perks me up a bit. I had to take a break from this forum and deal with things on my own for a while.

It's great you chose to direct your focus in your creative work, and how much you're seeing the benefits; and that you've found a path that you love to do!
The six month mark is true accomplishment to be proud of.

Reading the part about how your son's attitude has changed. I think a lot has to do with the focus and natural calmness you've gained from being weed free. It's amazing what kids pick up from their parents, just the subtle emotions, focus, and positive energy levels you have gained.
Your stuff is Always a good read!

Cheers!
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#44

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun Apr 08, 2018 5:36 pm

Hi Soulfull!

I'm very grateful to you for your post. Especially it makes sense cause we are pretty similar in some aspects. For example, I have 2 children as well - boy and girl 4 years old. I didn't experienced insomnia, conversely I sleep a lot and if I were able to sleep as much as I really need I'd rather not leave my bed at all ))
You are a lucky guy to had an ability not to work for the initial period of withdrawal. I'm obliged to provide for my family and it's the hardest thing. Time in the office goes very slowly and it seems like refined torture despite the fact I really enjoyed my job few monthes ago (I'm a web developer) and spent more time in front of my PC than was necessary.

Day 40. Looks like now is the hardest period of my withdrawal (my God let it be so!!!) and I need some hope and relief. You know it's so important to have an ability to make a break for a moment and look at the final point of your journey even far ahead.
So, could you please provide some kind of short timeline (digest) of your withdrawal with milestones. Think it will be useful for other newbies like me especially in crisis moments. Very thanks to all who keep posting even after long clean period and I wish to be strong to all who is suffering now - I believe it will fade as gloom at dawn! :)
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