Farewell to weed - just the beginning

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:46 am

Hello, guys.

Seems usually and pretty bored, that I'm in the beginning of the way. Yes, I'm scared. Not sure I'll succeed. But I'm going in.

15 years of VERY hard use. I could smoke 4-5 times a day. Every day. During all this f#cking years. What do I want from all of you? Just wish to me a good luck. You know, It's some kind of suicide - i'm gonna kill my old bad personality and born another. Everyone, who's starting now - good luck, guys. It's a very hard job but we have to do it.

Best Regards

P.S. Sorry for bad English, I'm not a native speaker. :D
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#1

Postby Henryinvincibles » Fri Dec 08, 2017 9:15 pm

Good luck bro I'm quitting too, day 11 at the moment. I know what you mean about it being like a suicide, just need to make your new life a better one.
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#2

Postby Miraculous » Sat Dec 09, 2017 12:53 am

I’m on day five - again. Didn’t sleep a lot last night and wish I could nap but just not feeling it. Weird process, quitting weed. Good for you guys for quitting!!! Congrats. Yeah, smoking weed degrades us in many ways. Enough already...
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#3

Postby Theocritus » Sat Dec 09, 2017 3:46 pm

Are any of you quitting concentrates?
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#4

Postby Miraculous » Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:13 pm

No, not really. Dang - I had a year off cigarettes and last night smoked two! I just can’t seem to quit everything - vaping, weed, cigs. At least I’m five days off weed. Lethargic. Want instant energy and motivation! No more cigarettes!!! I was just climbing the walls, eating everything in site, desperate for oral gratification I guess...and a friend who smoked unexpectedly came over...But I’ll tell you what - my best friend and workmate, partner in crime weedhead, just quit weed for a month and is doing great, not looking back! I always considered him my worst influence so if he can do it, I sorely challenged. I must simply be stubborn and resist - break this nearly life long habit - marijuana - which is numbing my emotions and compromising my intelligence and dampening my motivation and diminishing my dreams and making me isolate! Wow - sounds bad huh? All true... gotta turn it around!
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#5

Postby betsycandoit » Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:34 am

Good Luck Tony! I just started quitting too. It's only my Day 2. And I'm super nausea and bloated. Seems like you don't experience much withdrawal symptoms? I've been a heavy smoker for about 5 years smoking about 8-10 bowls of bong hit everyday. But my withdrawal symptoms are so bad :(
Hope you continually have a smooth path during this reborn process :)
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#6

Postby TonyTheCat » Fri Apr 06, 2018 7:21 pm

Hello, guys.
So, I'm back after a relapse.
If you feel better - it's a trap near you - beware!. I got in one.
Now I'm quitting again - day 40. Welcome to hell ))
All the common symptoms - anxiety, depression, fatigue etc.
NO LIFE. NO JOY. NO PLEASURE.

This forum is really great relief. I'm very grateful that I can share my experience. Please, reply back, it's very important to feel you are not alone. Despite I'm adult (age 34) sometimes I feel like a baby alone in the dark room, funny isn't it?

Frankly speaking, I never believed that the weed could be so awfull in terms of withdrawal. But it is. And there is no way other than got ahead and keep patience.

I'm going to keep a diary here. Hope it will help to someone who is seeking for relief. Just to live another day. Just to eat your breakfast. Just to keep calm.
We can do it. We have to do it.
And for sure believe that one day it will be sunshine again.

I learned to respect them who are getting through this hell.
I'm with you brothers and sisters.
I believe this experience will make us better.
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#7

Postby reckoning » Sat Apr 07, 2018 9:14 pm

Hey TonyTheCat,

Congratulations for your quick comeback after your relapse. Day forty is fabulous. Good work. Hard work for sure. That's a great step to be back here already. My issue has been getting of the merry-go-round of multiply quits. The greatest tool I have found this time has been this site and after many years and many quits getting honest with myself and exploring what is going on by writing it down and then being accountable to all you folk out there keeps me on my path.

You are right when you feel better-it is a trap.

This quit is going well for me and I know I am finished with the stuff. I'm older than you 62 ( assumption I know but you can tell who the oldies are) so I'm not throwing away anymore years to all the sh** you have to do to hide the level and degree of smoking, not to mention the dreams that you just don't get around to .

This time I am not all intent on having to feel good all the time. Of course I want to feel good and am really starting.

I am 99 days today and physically the intense early withdrawal is starting to subside.

The trap I think is wanting everything to be alright all the time once things do start to improve. I've been looking very closely at what is going on when I feel bad. And this time I look at what is happening when I feel good too.

When I feel bad it's usually that I have something to learn or take on board in the emotional stakes and addressing those less likeable parts of my self. I've found that smoking weed for a long time with heavy usage means there are things about me that I don't like and have let those bits coexist with me. . So at 99 days I am of to the emotional gym most days as well as doing all the other things that keep you going in early withdrawal- food, exercise, sleep, yoga, meditation etc etc.

But when I feel good this time around, I take it, I accept it and I use it more for a time to bring in something new. I've realised that when I feel good it is also a time to step outside my comfort zone and do something I've always wanted to do rather than going back.

So I guess it is possible to learn that feeling good does not have to be a trap. It's a trap I've fallen into a lot before. Now I want to add to my life rather than going back to something old which I already know will not keep me feeling good for a long time.

Anyway keep going , and keep posting , for me 40 days was a tough part of this gig. Great you are back on this path. This is indeed a good fight to have with yourself. Enjoy the emotional gym, no different to the physical one, often you won't want to go there but when you do you will feel great after and this will be a high that can sustain more than weed. and when you feel good try stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something new.
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#8

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun Apr 08, 2018 7:55 am

Hey, reckoning, thanks for your post, appreciate it very much :) cause now I use every bit of support to stay strong. I'm younger than you (32) despite of it I feel like my life is ended. I know it's just an illusion of my mind and this is just (I hope!) the most tough period of recovering.
I keep records of my mood, anxiety etc by the scale from -10 (absolut hell) to +10 (vanilla sky) - It helps to monitor timeline and the progress. I'd recommend to everyone who's going through the PAWS hell to keep tracking his progress. Sometimes it may seem that things don't get better but it's an error and this error makes us more depressed and anxious that we are.

For example, previous Monday I had the HARDEST day from all my short recovering way :cry: - It was like panic attacks, EXTREME ANXIETY and the HARDEST DEPRESSION the whole day. In the evening I thought about just one thing - to end my suffering even through suicide but fortunately my wife supported me and I survived those day. I assigned mark -10 to it. Not wish to the worst enemy to feel like that.
Now I'm under pressure of huge general ANXIETY but it's not desperately bad so I can deal with it and the mark is -4. When it will be really awfull I can return back to my scale and say myself that it will pass, just need to keep going and be strong. And the best thing is that I even have days with the marks +2 what mean I had and will have respites on this way. It adds me strength and courage.

I know it was said many times but I think it should be repeated time and again - very important point is exercises especially cardio.

Wish a good luck to all my mates - we are going through the hell :evil: but in the end of the way we will be better versions of ourselves. :D

Best Regards,
Tony
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#9

Postby TonyTheCat » Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:51 pm

Day 45
Hey guys,
I'm damn surprised but today was very good day - first time for a long period!
Fatigue and brain fog are on there places, but almost no anxiety!!!
It' so magical to feel just alive! To joke, to laugh, to look at cute girls in the spring dresses )) Thanks to all Gods for this break.
I remembered on phrase from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas": "My attorney has never been able to accept the notion—often espoused by reformed drug abusers and especially popular among those on probation—that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them".
And this is clean truth. Today I was just happy. Not high, but satisfied with all manifestations of this wonderful spring day.
I'm ready to wake up the next day and to meet my old familiar bitch - Lady Anxiety. I know, she is near but also I know that she will leave. And I know that my courage, strength and persistence will be enough to go through it.

May the force be with you, my friends ))) I know what you feel - those who are in the beginning and those who have overcome it.
Life is a simple wonder. :D
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#10

Postby reckoning » Wed Apr 11, 2018 9:52 pm

Hey TonyTheCat, great work, you're really getting into the swing of it all now. Your positivity is inspiring me today because my Anxiety Bitch has shown up for a visit but hey I've got boundaries so not buying in- doing my best. Actually going to go out today and just leave her there on her own. Love the Hunter S Thompson quote . Keep going and keep positing. Thanks.
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#11

Postby Bagobones » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:50 pm

TonyTheCat wrote:scale from -10 (absolut hell) to +10 (vanilla sky)


TonyTheCat wrote:It' so magical to feel just alive! To joke, to laugh, to look at cute girls in the spring dresses ))


Hehe, so mr cat, how did today score on your scale? I really want to reach vanilla sky one day.. Ive been close, so close but still... :)

Yes, sun, spring and womens summer dresses are pure anti depressants. And 100% natural too. The only thing you have to do put on some shoes and go out the door.. Pure bliss..

Hunter S Thompson! Man... I love that guy.. hehe

Yesterdays wierdness is tomorrows reason why...
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#12

Postby TonyTheCat » Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:42 am

Greeting, my friends!
reckoning, you are familiar with this old bitch as well.. not good but it's not forever. Over time, she looks to visit less and less - and no one will be bored )) Glad to hear you are able to deal with her as she deserves.

Bagobones, man, it's amazing! Don't know why but today (day 46) I'm better then ever! I'd say yesterdat was +6 and today is the same (but the day just beginning, makes sense to wait till the evening). Comparing to my previous scores like -4 etc it's a huge progress.
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." - thank you old Churchill, you always knew how to keep the spirit alive.

And another quote in conclusion "We can't stop here, this is bat country!", so keep going friends, we need to hit another mile :)

Best regards,
Tony
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#13

Postby reckoning » Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:15 pm

Loving your quotes TTC!
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#14

Postby TonyTheCat » Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:10 pm

Thank you, Liz, thoughts of the great people of the past help save my sanity, especially as you know both Churchill and Hunter Thompson suffered from severe thoughts during their lifetime.
However, this day has passed and I'm still pretty ok. Weird. I expected at least 3 months of hopeless darkness and suicidal landscapes, but... destiny had another plans. Anyway, I feel there is still a long path ahead. But also I feel that it deserves to go through it.

All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. ... Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

The path of artificial joy has no heart. Every one of you here knows that.

Tony.
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