Farewell to weed - just the beginning

#15

Postby reckoning » Fri Apr 13, 2018 12:11 pm

Wow TTC, that's some quote there.

And it so applies to this situation of giving up the weed.

It is of course our great friend Carlos Casteneda.

You are some well read dude who has a system for retrieving great quotes which are very relevant?

I've just come through a couple of those 'severe' thought days, like your quoters. This is all a bit of an up and down process. Thank goodness my sleep now after 104 days minus the artificial joy, is showing signs of improving.

Fab inspiring note of yours for me to finish off a Friday evening. Hope it's that for others too. And for those who have not yet chosen the path with the heart , just give it a go.

Keep going, keep posting and to quote myself now "your strength is my strength". Much appreciated.
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#16

Postby TonyTheCat » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:44 pm

Hi all
Just a short update.
Really hard day without any reasons (-5 according to my scale).
Fatal fatigue.
Strong anxiety.
Good for me I know now how to deal with that, at least survive the day.
Back to my support:
- I know this will pass with time
- I know there is no quick way
- I know that I will be happy again

Stay strong and wait.

Tony
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#17

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:29 pm

Day 48.
The fall continues. For some reason this weekend was very tough. Desperate anxiety and depression. Suicidal obsessive thoughts. Murderous fatigue.
Did anyone felt so at the relevant period?

Still keep strong but the power is low. Need relief.
Thanks in advance.
Tony
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#18

Postby TonyTheCat » Mon Apr 16, 2018 4:26 pm

Day 49.
It was a really good day but pretty bad night. My brain woke me up at half past 2am and kept so till the morning when I got a little sleep.
Today I started to take Atarax again by 50 mg x2 (has anyone tried this?). Not sure if these events are related but I'm very glad and grateful to all gods for this day ))
I noticed pretty curious pattern - every 4-5 bad days following by 1-2 good days.

If anybody noticed any patterns please let me know.

Regards,
Tony
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#19

Postby reckoning » Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:23 pm

Hey TTC,

I had patterns like that earlier on in my quit, where the severe thought days were more prominent than the lesser severe thought days.

It looks like, from this forum, that we all get a strong pattern of some sort in the early days and 49 is still pretty early on.

Various others ones here take all kinds of anti anxieties to get through the tough times. I have certainly taken antihistamines in previous quits to try and help me sleep at night. Your particular one says it good for anxiety too.

My big challenge at around 50 days was having to learn new reactions to stuff that I reacted to. Basically I am a person who really reacts to almost everything strongly. I used to use the weed to calm me down from my reactivity.

To use a quote "“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.” (Alain de Botton)

Weed/pot whatever you call it was my big defence. Once I started switching on to this idea I began to see that the task on hand was not just to give up the weed but to develop a new personality , which at the end of the day was to become the person I know is buried deep within.

I guess this strong hard time you are having right now , may be indicating that your brain is changing and it is also noticing that you don't have your old soothing/defensive ways anymore?

You know what the man himself said “If you’re going through hell keep going.”

You know you have the people on this forum behind you. Take care and keep going.
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#20

Postby Bagobones » Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:08 am

TonyTheCat wrote:Day 48.
The fall continues. For some reason this weekend was very tough. Desperate anxiety and depression. Suicidal obsessive thoughts. Murderous fatigue.
Did anyone felt so at the relevant period?

Still keep strong but the power is low. Need relief.
Thanks in advance.
Tony


You know TonyTheCat, I work with people in trouble. People with a wide variety of trouble. So does several of my family members. One works with youth and young adults. One work towards the slave/sex trade in south east Asia.

I work with problems related to unemployed people with different challenges. I have seen it all. Selfcutting women, victims of sexual abuse, drugs, crime, gangs, substanse abuse (hehehehahahaha, yes I know.. But I am good at my job..), refugees, people with PTSD and so on.
In my line of work we dont get get shocked or react easly. And you should be VERY f***ed up to not be able to work. VERY f***ed UP.

One thing we DO react strongly to, is when people mention suicide. That is serious matter. Then we call police if we cant reach them. Then we try our best to know that they are not alone until those thoughts are fixed. Then we go in thougheter with health care hard in their life. I am from a very rich country with a very generous "nanny-state"...

Enough about me.

Get help dude, as fast as possible! Suicidal obsessive thoughts are WAY over line in weed detox and PAWS. Nobody here can help you with that. Its serious matter. Thats not problems for a internet forum.

Does your family know about those thoughts? Does your loved ones know? Does your health care provider know?
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#21

Postby TonyTheCat » Wed Apr 18, 2018 5:40 am

Hello friends!
Thank you very much for your support, appreciate it strongly.
Today is day 51 and previous 2 days were surprisingly good (+5 and +4) despite work troubles and other stress. I incline to think that Atarax helps significantly, will check next several days and report.

Hey, Bagobones, thanks for taking care. I'm not afraid that I commit suicide cause I have pretty strong will and common sense, moreover, I have a great responsibility to support my family. Also I know that it may cause great suffering for the people I love and I want to avoid it by any price. But sometimes it's too hard to keep all this crap inside myself and just need to share with someone.
My wife knows what's going on and she is struggling together with me but seems it's too much for her. She struggled so long to make me quit the weed and now she just has a zombie near to herself.
Anyway I keep strong, there is no other way, isn't it? :)
Hope the next who will read my posts will be able to get some relief from it knowing that it's pretty common to feel bad in withdrawal and it will undoubtedly pass.
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#22

Postby TonyTheCat » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:07 pm

Hello everyone!

Day 58. Suddenly I'm back to hell and agony (-8). Not big deal, a lot of forum members go through the hell every day. It's just my private little hell and frankly speaking nobody cares and nobody should. It will subside soon and I'll get another day for breather.
But now I feel like my body erupts streams of cortisol (stress hormone) as if I were a falling plane. I will not wish this for my worse enemy.
Other symptoms:
- AWFUL DESPERATION and HOPELESSNESS
- fatigue
- vivid dreams (and I can say I like them)
- brain fog and reduced productivity
- almost no sex drive

Moving on
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#23

Postby George from UK » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:47 pm

Congrats on DAY 58!

With i had some words for you

George
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#24

Postby TonyTheCat » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:57 pm

Thanks, man.
I appreciate your participation, in bad times it is important to feel the support of someone who understands.
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#25

Postby dhae2604 » Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:18 pm

Hi there Tonythecat. Im almost 10.5mos. quit weed anxiety is the main symptom as part of paws. Can you explain the suicidal obsessive thought? is that anxiety? cause I think thats what im experiencing also. Hang in there. stay strong! paws will subside
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#26

Postby TonyTheCat » Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:54 pm

Hi @dhae2604! Do you mean 10,5 months? If yes, I think it's pretty big term and you should be nearly well. As for me, I'm at day 60 today. Relatively good, if not to count huge stress on the work which throws me back in the PAWS.
About your question - anxiety is my main issue. I keep a diary where I mark severity of the symptoms on a scale from -10 to +10. Usually my state is -3. Not good but bearable. Pretty rare (2-3 times a month) I have less then -8 and this is the moment when suicidal thoughts appear. Time to time I have good days. For the last month I had 4 good days (+4..+5) and several relatively good (+2..+3). That's shortly about me.
Could you please share some more information about yourself? Especially timeline are interesting - which symptoms did you have on which period of time etc

Yesterday I've started to take some medicine, pretty light nootropics: Mexidol, Omaron, Aminalon + traditional supplements Omega-3 and Magnium B6.
Will test next week and left the report. Hope they will help a little at least.

Best regards,
Tony
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#27

Postby dhae2604 » Fri Apr 27, 2018 6:31 pm

Hi there hope your medication works best for you. 10.5mos. im heading to 11months. But I still have plenty of issues, my most concern is the anxiety & depression.

after 7-9days of last hit. these are my symptom: anxiety, insomnia, depressed mood swings, feet&hands sweating, no appetite, tremor shakiness, & so on.

still experiencing paws symptom anxiety depression, nauseà, sleep disturbance, mood swing, fatigue, etc. but everyone is different. maybe you will recover faster. stay strong
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#28

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun May 06, 2018 7:27 pm

Hello there.

Tomorrow will mark the day 70. Anxiety mostly gone and changed with bad depression. Now I have only 2 symptoms: fatigue which is pretty bearable and depression.
The last one is literally killing me.
Black thoughts.
Life in noir style.

I have to live due to some reasons, cause there are people who depends on me. My own desire to live is missing. I have never thought it would be SO HARD to quit weed. Btw - no desire to smoke. Just want to feel natural happy again. God, please, help me to pass this hell.

To live a day is a torture. I'm only happy in my sleep when I see beautiful dreams. How ironic, I have not issues with the sleep - opposite, It`s my asylum. But the real day life is punishment. Sorry for pessimism, cannot hold it inside anymore, need to share.

P.S. I'm almost 2,5 years without alcohol. At all. You know, It worth.
Tony
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#29

Postby Cali-Detroit » Tue May 08, 2018 6:37 pm

Hi Tony,

Congratulations on making it this far. I'm on day 34 and I feel you. Misery, misery and more misery. I too want to sleep forever. Morning is the very worst for me. I feel hungover and sick and want to just stay in bed. But I have a wife and children who need me, so I put on the brave face and soldier on. Once I get going, things get a tiny bit better.

I also don't drink, so this is me with absolutely no chemical assistance. The realities of this world are absolutely appalling when you start to see it through clean eyes (as opposed to Clear Eyes, lol :lol: ) Remember, as long term users, we have not had to process emotions and thoughts in any kind of real and honest way. And the reality us, most people in life are addicted to something, be it drugs, alcohol, sex, food, TV, etc. I can't stop eating chips now that I'm off weed...that and the Mexican Cokes with real sugar...mmmm. A drug like experience. Some get addicted to excercise, and I could think of far worse things.

I don't have much more to offer, as I'm barely a month into this, but I will say I'm very eager to see the person I can become without this crutch. Hopefully you can do the same, and if you can get out of your own head and find something or someone else you can focus on, it will be a great help. That I can speak on with authority.

Good luck and keep up the fight
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