Farewell to weed - just the beginning

#30

Postby Bagobones » Wed May 09, 2018 12:20 am

TonyTheCat wrote:Black thoughts.
Life in noir style.

I have to live due to some reasons, cause there are people who depends on me. My own desire to live is missing. I have never thought it would be SO HARD to quit weed.


70 days is great man! Awesome!

Its still pain to read you talking about not living. At least your suffering in style though.. Noir style. hehe. You wearing and old suit and a hat too? 50s style i bet..

Are you 100% sure your on top of this? Your a good dude! Talk to your loved ones about this. Its one thing that they are depending on you, but think about it. The guy they are depending on has no desire to live? What do they say about that?

On this whole forum, and all its members, my biggest wish right now is that you have some smooth +7 days. Hell an + 8.5 with ladies in summer dresses all around you.

Proud of you man.. One day at a time. You will get there! And there feels good!
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#31

Postby TonyTheCat » Wed May 09, 2018 9:35 am

Hello, Bago! :) I'm very glad to read you again. Yeah, I'm in noir style like Max Payne and it's day 72 ))

I'm constantly talking with my wife about what's going on with me and she supports me strong. Unfortunately it's not enough. Somehow I'm living in almost constant desperation. There are almost no physical symptoms and seems all of them went to the psychological ones - no sleep issues, no headaches, no craving, no sweating - only Big Black Depression and her scary sister - Desperation.

I've read that PAWS get at it's top between 3 and 6 months so it's too early for me but seems I'm ready to give up and try antidepressants, particular Paxil. Has anybody had an experience with this one? Appreciate the response.

Hope the next time I'll be able to write positive update.
Stay strong and may the God bless you all.
Tony
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#32

Postby TonyTheCat » Thu May 10, 2018 6:35 pm

Damn it! :D
Today went to the doctor, share my ploblems and she prescribed me Phenazepam (benzodiazepine) and Anafranil (antidepressant). I took half dose of Phen and... oh miracle! In 1 hour became normal man! Without any anxiety, depression and black thoughts! I started again to joke and laugh and was able to stay in this state the whole day. Will look what's going later, but now I'm just happy )) +7 today according to my scale.
P.S. Doctor warned me about benzos addiction so I'll take it just for hard cases and hope AD will work well.

How it's going on you side, forum mates?

Best for all,
Tony
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#33

Postby Cali-Detroit » Thu May 10, 2018 7:21 pm

That's great news, well done. Sometimes we all need a little help, and when you have people depending on you, it's crucial. A lot of us who self medicate can experience and relate to what you're going through. I suspect it's the very reason my own father has been addicted for over 50 years now. Yes, 5 decades. I suspect the weed exacerbated his depression long ago and he's been chasing his tail ever since. I'm amazed I waited until 18 to start my habit honestly. My poor sister of course was using at 15 and has been for 20+ years now.
She and I actually started this journey in solidarity and I suspect it was those very thoughts and dark places that sent her running back full speed to her savior, Mother Mary Jane. What can I say? Nothing of course, and hope for the best.

But I'm still here, wandering aimlessly, uncomfortable and edgy, and dreaming of the day when I meet that young man I knew once, long ago, full of life and promise and ambition, and ready to take the world by storm. I can sometimes hear echoes, but then I think perhaps it's a cruel joke that I am eternally the butt of. Anything is possible.

Other than that, doing fantastic, thanks for asking! Take care and keep strong
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#34

Postby TonyTheCat » Thu May 10, 2018 7:48 pm

Cali, thank you for responce. I feel you cause im also dreaming about nice young man with bright smile and clear mind - it was me. And I believe we will get to that place and meet new us - healthy, good looking and happy. See you there ))
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#35

Postby Cali-Detroit » Thu May 10, 2018 7:52 pm

Right on, brother! I love it. I'll be looking for ya!
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#36

Postby Bagobones » Fri May 11, 2018 9:51 pm

TonyTheCat wrote:Hello, Bago! :) I'm very glad to read you again. Yeah, I'm in noir style like Max Payne and it's day 72 ))

I'm constantly talking with my wife about what's going on with me and she supports me strong. Unfortunately it's not enough. Somehow I'm living in almost constant desperation. There are almost no physical symptoms and seems all of them went to the psychological ones - no sleep issues, no headaches, no craving, no sweating - only Big Black Depression and her scary sister - Desperation.

I've read that PAWS get at it's top between 3 and 6 months so it's too early for me but seems I'm ready to give up and try antidepressants, particular Paxil. Has anybody had an experience with this one? Appreciate the response.

Hope the next time I'll be able to write positive update.
Stay strong and may the God bless you all.
Tony


Good to hear.. I think your wife sounds very supportive and nice for you. Remember its the people that stick with us during our darkest hours, and loves us then, thats the most important ones...

You will get through it. I know it.. just take one step at a time, and one day at a time...

Max Payne.. hehe.. Love the games, but dude, thats a dark character.. hehe.. I liked him best in Brasil in number 3...
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#37

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun May 27, 2018 2:01 am

Hi all, short update due to my anniversary - 90 days weed free ))
Doing well, feel good. Have approximately 1 bad day to 1 good week. Anafranil helped a lot, despite I use the lowest dose (25 mg) + supplements like Omega-3 and GABA. Don't get me wrong, I don't recommend to everyone immediately take the antidepressants, just state that in my case they helped. According to my previous posts you know I was in deep depression and desperation but now I'm almost ok - no anxiety, no depression, not fatigue (suprised with it a lot) - and yes, my libido is back ))
So for me conclusion is that most of PAWS symptoms were because of depression.
Another point - as I got better my desire to smoke got back. I know it's a trap. It's not worth it. Sober life and clear mind cost more.

Stay sober and happy, friends!

P.S. If you feel REALLY BAD (in this case you know what i'm talking about) - feel free to seek for help to your psychiatrist.
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#38

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun May 27, 2018 2:08 am

Right on Tony, well done on 90 days! Glad to hear it's working out for you. 52 days and counting here, fingers crossed. Take care
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#39

Postby TonyTheCat » Sun Dec 02, 2018 7:43 pm

Hey there, hello again

Sad to admit I'm here again ))
I fell into a trap I told you about. When I got better I had decided to try how it will be to smoke... just a little... just one bone...
I woke up after 3 months of heavy marathon. This time I smoked the coolest hash.
*Day 36* The same symptoms. But now I've started with AD from the very beginning and it's pretty bearable but still very sad.

Weed is a drug, and addiction is a disease. No one knows that better than you and me, friends. The only way out is to stay sober for the rest of your life.

Welcome back, mr. Cat, haha..
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#40

Postby Cali-Detroit » Mon Dec 03, 2018 2:28 pm

True story señor! Well the good news is that you're here again, even if after a 3 month tour. You took an afternoon cruise and ended up shipwrecked on cannabis island! Lol :D

Oh well, it happens. I had 6 months, two different times before this one, and the same exact thing happened to me. It's almost like I would fiend out even MORE than I ever did before after I failed. Maybe it was the guilt of knowing better, idk.

Anyway, back to square one for ya. Decide that this is it and persevere. Push through the pain. Embrace it. Become comfortable with discomfort and the journey will be easier and more successful. Stay strong
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#41

Postby TonyTheCat » Mon Dec 03, 2018 6:25 pm

Cali, thanks bro ))

The only positive thing in weed withdrawal is such people as you, cleanofgreen, Bagabones, reckoning (hello Liz, if you read me) and others )) We are all give each other strengh and postitive to push through this hell. Never mind, will do it, this time hope for good!
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#42

Postby reckoning » Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:01 pm

Yes for sure we give each other strength and yes I always look out for you TonyTheCat. Nothing works better than getting the message to 'keep going' from the folk who do keep going despite the challenges and the hell. It does get better. I am about to come up for my one year anniversary and my life has changed and continues to change, and even at this point whenever I give the message to others to 'keep going' I'm giving it to myself too. Keep going , and this will not be one of your life's regrets . Phew such a big one to conquer and you can do it and you are doing it.
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#43

Postby TonyTheCat » Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:10 pm

Hey, Liz!
Nice to read you again ))

Yes, I've relapsed - unfortunately, but I keep going. It's my day 57.
Cannot say I'm in the hell at this period of time. AD works pretty good. Despite of this I'm still far away from being a normal man.
I'm glad you're near 1 year - good job!
How are you doing? Hope everything is ok or at least much better than months ago.
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#44

Postby reckoning » Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:27 pm

Yes I'm preparing my one year update and will post that soon with a review of where I've come from to where I am at now. It's so much better now. Really better. I'll do my best to capture the essence of that in my next post. I'm just re-reading my thread and it is so good to have this record. I have so much appreciation that this forum exists and that there is a community out there. I relapsed many times ,over many years before I have reached this point , so you are not alone out there. Good on you for getting back on the horse, as the saying goes, and for listening to that voice within you that says you want done with this stuff. Day 57 is awesome to have under your belt and a really good chunk of time to bring forth the New Year. You are off to a good start for 2019. Keep going.
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