I need advice

Postby J_Williams » Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:34 am

So someone I know told me to go on a forum and talk about my problems, hopefully someone can help me. Basically I’m a 13 (Almost 14) year old kid who has had divorced parents ever since I was about 10 or 9... I think. Anyway, I’ve lost track over the years; but to be honest I’ve kind given up on life. To start from the beginning, when I was in 4th grade my mom (who is from a country in Africa called Zambia) went on a business trip back to her home country for 3 week. Well, those 3 weeks turned into 3 months. Some background info is that my parents have been fighting since I was around 6. Anyway, I’m not even joking when I say as soon as she got off that plane, my parents got a divorce. She wasn’t even allowed to come back to my dad’s place. Thankfully, my mom’s sister live close by.
During the time she was away, I went from being an all A student, to a trouble maker, lier and I even tried to steal someone’s homework assignment(didn’t work out). Let’s just say my life turned into a living hell.
Back to the present; I’m currently supposed to be doing math homework, but I really need this. So my dad is a decent guy. Definitely not the nicest guy though. He sometimes treats me like a guy even though I’m an actual girl. Like the way he talks to me is as if I’m a boy, it really has degraded me over the years. Also I get called a retard, or idiot a lot at home even though I’m a perfectly stable person. Well besides having anxiety and depression that is. If I try to talk back to him he gets really scare and starts screaming and hitting things. There was only one time where her hurt me and that was when he pulled me out of his car by my hair. I’m pretty sure it was my fault though because I was being stubborn at the time, but still.
My mom is a little better. Still get called names though. She is also a very free spirit, she basically acts like a teenager. She doesn’t take anyone’s advice either.
The thing that I dislike about both of them is:
1. The name calling
2. The fact that if I do something wrong, I get yelled at by both of them
3. I really can’t consider any of their houses a safe haven
4. That I’m too afraid to tell them my mind

To be honest, they tried sending me to my school conciliar, but I ended up giving her a bunch of lies because I’m to afraid to say anything. My dad thinks that I should be able to handle everything by myself, and 85% of the time I’m at his place I’m in my room because I’m tired of hearing him yell at me and tell me how useless I’ll become if I don’t change.
He means the best, but he has the wrong approach. I try talking to my friends but they have no experience over this issue. Everyone says I have a lot of potential, but I believe those are just words that try to make me feel better.

I’m kind of sick of all of this and want it to stop. I don’t want to be separated from a parent, but if I continue on like this I won’t last much longer. Sometimes I go to school crying. I can’t do this on my own. Please someone help me.
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Postby forestcritter » Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:45 pm

There are a few things that I think it is extremely important for you to understand:

Being yelled at and called names by your parents is not okay and not normal.
Being pulled out of the car by your hair or otherwise physically abused by your parents is not okay and not normal.

You are a kid and will still be a kid for a number of years yet, and these are not things that kids should have to deal with.
None of this is your fault, you did not deserve these things. But it is a known psychological phenomena that when victims are surrounded by negative circumstances they will eventually believe that it is somehow their fault or think they are bad somehow.

You need and deserve to have a place that you consider safe and as a child you need people who will support you and love you properly. You need to look for help from people who you consider trustworthy. Whether that be a teacher, or your mom's sister, or whoever, there are people out there who want to help you figure this all out, but you will need to reach out to someone. It is too bad that you can't reach out to your mom or dad about the troubles in your life, because that's what moms and dads are for. If the mom or dad is the issue though then that makes things really rough.

But please, at your age you can't blame yourself for what is going on. Your only responsibility at this point is to try and reach out to someone for help. You went to a forum to talk about your problems to try and figure things out. Now this is a person on a forum telling you to reach out to someone in real life, an adult that you trust, and get them to help you sort this stuff out.
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Postby thehapsadboy » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:14 am

Hey, one thing I can tell you is never give up and sure as hell don't ever hurt yourself. Im a 21 year old guy in college and my mother has abused me mentally, physically and even verbally. Ever since I was about 6-7 years old I'd get BEAT by my mother and sadly my father was never really in my life to step in the middle and help me. Growing up I soon realized the type of person my father really was. A single angry 50 year old man that only cared about himself. I am 21 years old and I'm going through some f***ed up stuff at home with my depressing mother. She's called me stupid, slow, idiot, racist slurs, she's called me fat, worthless, said things like "why are you you even going back to college". What do I do? I wake up every single day kid and I let those years of hatred push and motivate me to become a better and smarter young man than my father was and to be compassionate and more understanding than my mother way. Now listen to me kid.... I'm not a grown person or anything like that I'm only 7years older than you but im still pushing through all the Bullsh*t in my life. Remember you wont be 14 for ever, you wont live home forever and you wont have to deal with your parents for ever.... but as of now keep your head up and prove them wrong.
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