Mental problem

**Posts:** 22 · by **yayada65** » Mon Dec 11, 2017 6:56 am

Hi

I am 3 years clean and basically it's really tough. I am not who I used to be. I am anxious, lost sense of humor, paranoid, like always thinking about the person next to me if i sit in class next to someone, i dont have any emotions like im faking emotions most of the time, cannot trigger a laugh, so anxious in class that my neck starts to tremble for like 4 seconds sometime, I have very negative thoughts like I feel like I bother and disturb people because I stay quiet (because If I speak I say nothing really spontaenous and interesting like I used to do and it just frustrates me so I prefer stay quiet + what I say really is complete BS) Its like my emotional intelligence is at 0. I became a weird individual but I am totally conscious of how weird I am because inside of me there is the old me who knows that I am not the person I am today. In addition I keep swallowing my saliva when Im next to someone. During a conversation I cannot look at people in the eyes more than 5 seconds because if I do so I start thinking "hes gonna think youre creepy if u continue looking at him in the eyes" i have billions of other shitty thoughts like this in billions of other situations.. I think Im weird because I try to act like I used to be, this funny popular guy, but my brain just doesnt follow so its like weird for people and I can feel it and Im tired to force myself to be cool with my brain who doesnt follow at all. It gives a weird result. Seriously in high school i was becoming friend with ppl in like 1 hour. its been 3 years and I made 1 friend only. Like wtf. Im simply unable to connect, its like chemical. Even with members of my family I can no longer connect like my cousins like wtf. thats why i say its chemical. if it was psychological it wont happen with cousins. Also when Im in class I cannot move my head its like blocked. I can only move my eyes sometimes. when im sitted in class I dont move at all my body so much I am robotized with no spontaenity and I look and see people moving spontaenously around me. Me i just cant move and I force myself to move after 20 minutes not to appear too weird like the guy is dying or something. When I go to my hometown I dont leave my house because I was very popular and funny in high school and I dont want ppl to see how I have become 3 or 4 years after.

I smoked from 15.5 to 17.5 years old. I think for some brains like mine the damage of smoking at this young age is permanent. Times goes on and the more time goes the more Im thinking I just developed a mental problem due to weed. I used to have enormous confidence and sense of humor and social adaptability. I lost everything. Im 21 and I feel like a schyzophrenic but Im just not having the hallucinations. I stopped smoking because I became aware that smoking was changing my personality but when I stopped it was too late. I go in this forum since 3 years and I feel like I'm the only person who dont get any improvement.

What do you guys think ? I saw this guy taking pills but really Im gonna start taking pills at 21 ? In 20 years what will be the effect of those on me ?
thankkkks a lot for reading until the end i really appreciate and sorry if it demotivate some of you but thats just my reality

**Posts:** 14 · by **edgyjayyy** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 2:47 am

hey bro i just your post and honestly i glad i did.
my name is JJ 18 years old by the way and i am going through the same thing youre going through. i recently stopped smoking because i felt i was becoming weird from smoking. i started acting diffrent around friends. i started becoming really paranoid about things like am i living in a dream. what others think about me. thoughts about dying etc. my biggest concern is becoming schizophernic but honestly bro i think me and you need therapy. if you just keep in touch with people keep and your mind busy with a hobbie im pretty sure itll pass by. dont let your mind go deep in those negative thoughts and just move on. excersise etc. its working for me a little maybe itll work for you.stay strong bro i believe in you youre not the only one here.

**Posts:** 14 · by **edgyjayyy** » Wed Dec 20, 2017 2:59 am

if this makes you feel any better dont smoke anymore or drink. your mind is just trying to adjust to things again from always being high its just resetting in a way. you wont become schizophernic either trust me unless someone in your family has it but more than likely youre just paranoid like me right now. give it a couple of months youll be ok by then just keep yourself busy like i said.

**Posts:** 22 · by **yayada65** » Sun Dec 24, 2017 5:06 am

thanks man for giving some strength ! it's tough but thats how it is

**Posts:** 54 · by **Ananda_M** » Sun Dec 24, 2017 6:04 am

Hey, this is sad story... do you observe some improvement by time you are OFF?

Are you doing some steps out of the comfort zone? It seems to me almost impossible that you have smoked just for two years and after three years without smoking you are not back.

But, everyone is different and some people are more prone to suffer from PAWS that others - I think the most of the population is "OK" with THC... and these - who are not - end up on uncommon forum :idea:

Maybe it's still the effect of weed (and you are "extreme case"), maybe you need psychotherapy (it's no shame)... maybe the pills... maybe... tell us more what is/was the progression through these 3 years.

Hope you will do better!

**Posts:** 1458 · by **laureat** » Sun Dec 24, 2017 1:44 pm

Nothing is unusual to worry or to fear

However you should also be able to shift from one state of the mind to another; like you may worry about something for a moment but few seconds later you start play or relax ; you no longer worry and there is nothing wrong about it

But If you worry and fear all of the time: on that case it is a problem

And you need to adress it because you dont want to worry the rest of your life;

I would say that most of the times; ppl who dont go out that much start to become defensive and start to worry more what others are thinking

Recomend: go outside with friends, go for walks , dont stand home isolated and defensive it is a state of the mind that you have

You should also learn how to move forwards with your life and not live with the past ( mistakes, failures, rejections)

Give oneself freedom ; freedom to do mistakes, freedom to live your life,

If someone else treats you like a piece of sh dont treat oneself like a piece of sh , be proud who you are, be thankful to oneself and others; have beautiful goals in life

Goals in life we have somehow decide how we feel: ppl who do sports ( fishing, walking exercises whatsoever ) are more happy than ppl who watch tv; because you activate the body the mind and you socialize

**Posts:** 69 · by **LondonScouse** » Mon Dec 25, 2017 12:03 pm

Dude I am EXACTLY the same.

I also was a popular guy my whole life, who had no problems connecting to people, enjoying himself etc.

After a couple of years of smoking daily, the social anxiety took hold and I was clearly a very different person.

I can't laugh or cry. Very emotionless. This is also hinders my ability to connect with other people. Its basically impossible to emotionally connect with another person.

Most people on this forum aren't affected like us

I wish there was a cure or something

**Posts:** 22 · by **yayada65** » Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:36 pm

Thanks for all these interesting perspectives
I've been clean for 3 years so I had time to try everything from méditation to sport to going out and thèse steps out of my comfort zone dont seem to make my brain get better. I've seen à very interesting post once of à user speaking about the relation between recovery and forcing yourself to go out and opinions diverge on that
From my expérience all I can say is that going out is à lot of pain because of the social anxiéty and how weird I can act sometimes because everything i do is not spontaenous and natural, and extremely little rewards such as laughing with people. But when I manage to laugh naturally, its so much joy, but its extremely rare.

**Posts:** 18 · by **Mimihops10** » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:06 pm

Thats a really important point you shared on the end of your post. So you are able to laugh! You are still young, the brain can learn amazing things. You brain is not fully developed yet, and also the brain is neuroplastic. I would say keep hopefull and try to make small steps to change youre thinking into more helpings thoughts. True it can be bio chemical that youre still not 100% yet. But the habbit of worry and anxiety makes neuropathways too.. so it can go the other way arround too. If youre feeling anxiety, that really sucks, and I hope you can manage to accept it for the moment and then focus you attention on something more constructive for yourself. Like excercising, or maybe volunteer work. Maybe try to go out a bit more to the store and back. Greet people, small talk... try to practice if you can. We as humans are constantly addapting to our enviroment, so exposure therapy will help you. Also youre in college right? Focus on youre study its good for your brain.

I understand you feel more anxiety because you were populair and very social before. Thats must be very sad and painfull, but try to accept yourself as you are now. And just build yourselr up from here... no need to compare yourself with the old you, besides you dont need everybody to like you to be content... thats super exhausting anyway! Just do you and what you can for now. Maybe find a good therapist who can help you to set some goals to work on your anxiety

**Posts:** 1458 · by **laureat** » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:05 pm

There is no need to force oneself into a group of ppl you are uncomfortable

You can simply go for a walk

walking around can help you see what other ppl are doing: working, relaxing, playing, joking so you start to get into that rhythm, you start to get into more socialized mindset which is different from what you can fantasy about it from the bedroom

When you are in bedroom you fantasy and you create a mindset which is not socialized good enough

Dogs who has aggression to other dogs because was never allowed to play or socialize now he dont know what else to do with other dogs but simply go for kill

You have to go out and give oneself more time to figure out how to free oneself from pressure, how to be more friendly, how to be more socialized

**Posts:** 100 · by **tokes** » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:27 am

If you haven't smoked for 3 years then this I doubt this is Paws.

Medically I can advise seeing a doctor. They may prescribe Ritalin or some anxiety suppressant...these can help to get you out of a rut but I wouldn't recommend long term use.
I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy to try and realign your thinking patterns.

I would read some Buddhist concepts about controlling the mind. If you've overcome smoking I'm sure you have some mental
Power to make some positive mental changes.

Anything else Pm me.

Peace

Tokes

**Posts:** 22 · by **yayada65** » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:41 am

Thanks, i am starting considering seeing a doctor because it just gets worse and i'm only 21 years old and stopped smoking at 17 and been dealing with all of that from 17 to 21 i feel like i messed up my youth and if i dont take medications i will mess up my entire life, but i fear the long term effects of medications... i am 21 years old and dont imagine myself taking pills still at 50 years old without negative effects...

**Posts:** 69 · by **LondonScouse** » Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:37 pm

I feel the exact same..

No spontaneous experssions
Dead persoanlity
Uncomfortable in social interaction, not even due to anxiety but because I know that I am socially inadequate which can cause anxiety
No laughter or any emotions
No emotional connections

To think this can be me for the rest of my life is quite concerning to say the least

I'm nearly 6months clean but I doubt it will get any better based on this thread!

**Posts:** 22 · by **yayada65** » Mon Apr 16, 2018 4:48 pm

London Souse, a good way to know if you would end up like me is to answer this: when did you start feeling those changes ? If those change in your personality occured after you stopped smoking, I think you're good. But for me what is interesting is that these changes in my personality, notably my sense of humor declining and the quality of my social interactions, started to occur 2 months after I started smoking. Even when I was smoking, I could feel those changes in my personality. It has actually nothing to do with PAWS. And the more I smoked the more I felt I was losing myself. While all my friends smoker did not seem to have their personality changed - it was more about the addiction. For me, it has never been about the addiction, and always about the psychological effects on my personality.

**Posts:** 69 · by **LondonScouse** » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:17 pm

Yeah it started while I was smoking

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