Losing my Focus

Postby Moon_Beam » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:18 pm

Firstly, thanks for reading. I really needed a platform to voice my concerns about what I'm doing right now and why I'm doing the things that I do, so here goes :

I'm in the last year of school and final exams are dangerously near (got one mock test the day after, actually). I just cannot understand WHY I'm unable to focus! It seems to me, that the higher the stakes are, the lower is my ability to focus and concentrate on my studies ... It's as if I'm telling the universe "You can't stress me out, I'm different from others". See how absurd that sounds? I know. I am certain I have a problem.

This never happened to me before. I used to set guidelines and rules. I used to follow through. I knew when to abstain from wasting my time, I knew when to stop playing around. I could CONCENTRATE. I could bring myself to SIT, finish the work, and then - ONLY THEN - get up. I used to excel at everything. USED TO. I can't see myself being successful ever again. I'm losing the very CONFIDENCE I had, that I could get myself to focus and concentrate. I've lost out in most of my exams so far, I don't have the confidence or the motivation to study hard enough to ace the ones that are coming up.

My problem may seem trivial in the face of the grave issues that others face - but please, understand, the rest of my life depends upon how I perform in the last set of exams I'll be writing!

My mom and dad accuse me of wasting time. I KNOW I waste my time. I lose count of the hours I waste. I KNOW that I may be wasting time RIGHT NOW, as I write this instead of studying for my exams. But I REALLY need to sit down and have a convo with my mind, understand why I'm wasting time CHRONICALLY - as if the only thing I know how to do is WASTE TIME.

Please, if you have some pointers or advice you feel would be useful for me, please share. I don't want to cause unnecessary trouble for my mom and dad - they've always supported me, and it kills me inside, every time I show them my near-failing-mark answer sheets. I don't want to disappoint them, after all that they've done for me, and knowing that they have high expectations, I sincerely, above all else, want to see them very very proud and happy.

Please, help me. Help me understand WHY I cannot focus for the life of me! What's this obstacle that's standing in my way? WHY do I waste time in spite of it all?

I cannot understand ...
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