Falling Out of Love or Anxiety?

Postby Maixnhi » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:42 am

My boyfriend have been together since my junior year of high school; for two years. He was 18, I was 16. We liked each other for two years before accepting that our feelings weren't going away and that it we were ready to be together. It was perfect; despite being so young, we knew that we were meant to be. We were happy, and even for a whole year of being long distance, we were faithful, and still so incredibly in love. He was and still is everything I wanted, wanted everything I wanted, and we were both raised to be very mature and independent.
I started college a few months ago, and everything was fine, until a month and a half ago. I went to the doctor's and took a required mental health survery. The nurse further examined my mental health with some questions, and concluded that I most likely have some extreme form of anxiety and depression and that she couldn't officially diagnose it herself.
Ever since, I have been so much more aware of my thoughts, and because of this, the anxiety is stronger and worse than ever. I started doubting the love I have for my boyfriend, whether or not it was real. Whether or not we were too young for this. I don't want my relationship to end because he is truly the sweetest, kindest, greatest person I've ever met in all areas.
It started off with just a few thoughts here and there, and now it is the only thing on my mind; my grades were straight A's until this started, I can only sleep an hour or two at a time because I always wake up thinking about him. I want to be with him and I am so terrified and scared and confused.
We are very honest with each other, so I've told him everything, and I tell him everytime I feel this way, whih has become every moment of every day. And he is so understanding and willing to help and stay by my side.
I am so lose and scared and I want to know if this is normal or not, and whether or not I'm falling out of love or if it is just my anxiety
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:38 am

So you were making straight A’s until you were told you have extreme anxiety and depression. Did it ever occur to you that it is impossible for a person that has extreme anxiety and depression to make straight A’s?

I know the sensitive clinicians will be all hurt, but let’s put that college education to work for a minute. Do you think that tests, especially tests that measure subjective mental states, might sometimes not be very accurate? When you think of a person that is “extremely” depressed, is that person going to college, let alone making straight A’s?

As a society, shouldn’t we reserve the label “extreme” for cases where the person can’t get out of bed, they don’t want to shower, they can’t hold a job? Hell! If a college student making straight A’s can qualify as “extreme” what do we possibly label the poor bastards that can’t get out of bed in the morning?

Anyway, I would question the validity of the test you took. But, let’s put that aside for a moment and look at a more important issue, that the results of a single mental test is what you claim has sent you into some sort of non-A making tailspin. This single test has you questioning X and Y and Z.

That doesn’t sound like depression and it doesn’t sound like anxiety. It sounds like someone that has low self esteem, low self confidence. You are driven to make A’s and to be in a relationship, and are motivated in life by what others think of you. You have high levels of confidence in academic settings, where your ability is well calibrated with actual demands, but you have low confidence socially. You hold certain beliefs about love, relationships, etc. that are not well calibrated, so you are much more susceptible to others opinions about your mental state and issues related to social matters.

At your age, not being calibrated for intimate relationships is normal. School you’ve had time to become well calibrated, it is routine. Relationships are not as easy, because unlike an academic setting there is no formal learning process. Still, the fact you took a single test and all of the sudden you are in such a state of distress is a good sign you need to work on building your social skills.

I suggest you ignore the test and focus on two goals, (1) school and (2) building your self confidence in the area of social skills, and I’m not talking online chats.
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Postby Nooskalie » Tue May 08, 2018 4:13 pm

I'll try and keep it short and sweet, I need some temporary relief. I've had depersonalisation disorder for 5 years - where you're slightly blocked off from the world in the mental sense and find it hard to realise that you are real and what's happening is real - and I believe to have ROCD for the past 5 years as well, but I only figured this out in the last month. 9/10 months ago I met the most beautiful, wonderful, kind, supportive person ever. Every fear I'd had of getting my intrusive thoughts when it came to relationships just melted away. I let him happen, I let him open up to me and I did the same. I was so happy with him, felt like I'd found what real love is. We planned to move in together, but I started to get unhappy. I was in my second year of uni and decided I couldn't continue. This meant moving back home - where I had a lot of unresolved issues - and doing long distance with my love. When I made the decision to leave uni and come home, me and my love knew so strongly we could make it together, I'd never felt that way before. Unfortunately the intrusive thoughts invaded my beautiful relationship and I ended up splitting up with him. If any of you could have seen me the last month then you'd see how broken I was, how confused and upset I was. But what is confusing and upsetting me now is that this whole time I have been 1. Questioning if I ever loved him properly because I've been sad but not completely heartbroken (this is all based on how I've physically felt). 2. I still have hope for us because of how happy we were and how good we are together, but I have no idea if I still love him or if I miss him. 3. I feel numb and nothing a lot of the time, and im starting to block out the happy memories with him, which I don't want to do.
I need answers, am I moving on? Do I not care that we're over? Or has it just not hit me? I have dreams about him constantly, but lastnight I had one where me and him got in a physical fight and then I moved on to a new guy, but there were violent undertones throughout this dream. This guy meant so much to me, it feels disgusting and disrespectful to think that I just don't care? I've been only thinking of myself in the situation and how I feel, not how I might be affecting him and I've felt terrible. I've still had real trouble not messaging him, I want to talk to him, but I don't wish he was here all the time, or constantly get reminded of him when a song comes on. I ended things with him because I got so scared and couldn't get out of my own head thinking that the feelings were going. Maybe they were. I have no idea.
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