Hi guys. I am among the 1% users who really messed their brains up as I smoked between 15 and 17. I'm 21 now and mentally I feel sick. I made a post about that but here I would like to speak about a symptom extremely fascinating: Paranoia.
I will give you some examples of my daily paranoia / social anxiety to show you that paranoia, which is in my head ONLY, sometimes feel like it is actually REAL.
1) I was eating with a friend and was paranoid (i was thinking and obsessing about him non stop while eating / its a hard feeling to explain but basically im negatively obsessed about people and just start thinking non stop about their presence) and I could feel a very strong atmosphere of both of us not being comfortable. It was an intense feeling of not being comfortable. No one was speaking. I thought it was in my head but it felt so real. You know what ? His nose started to bleed all of a sudden.
When he came back I aksed him if he was ok and he said it never happened before in his life. Paranoia or reality ? like the uncomfortableness makes his nose bleed.
2) I'm very paranoid about people sitting next to me or in front of me. I start to feel obsessed about them. The persons I'm obsessed about always start to act like they're not confortable in terms of body language sitting next to me . The day after if these same persons sit next to someone else I dont see even 1% of agitation. So it this happening in my head or it this really happening ? Knowing that I dont do anything special while they're next to me I'm just trying to act normal even though its paranoia party in my head.
3) One day I was in the train there was a guy sitting 4 seats away from me. He was like 50 and looked like an intellectual. I'm 21. I should be a kid for him. I dont know why but I started being obssessed about him while I was reading. Even though I had paranoia about his presence, my eyes were on my book and my body language was normal I think. You know what ? The guy started to move like non stop like repositioning himself in his seat NON STOP for ONE HOUR and acting like nervous around me. When I left he stopped.
THIS HAPPENS ALL DAY EVERYDAY I COULD GIVE YOU 100000 OTHER EXAMPLES.
How can people who have sound and healthy brains and never smoked in their life can get so much agitation from a paranoid guy having paranoia thinking about them only in his head with no physical manifestations of his paranoia ?
Before I started to smoke I was feeling great in my own skin and I just dont remember getting nervous when I sitted next to anxious people or anything. It was like they were not even here. Like people could not influence my behavior.
The thing is people really act like they're uncomfortable around me. I just dont understand.
Thats why in my last post I said Im fed up to try to act cool when my brain does not follow and people dont follow either because as I said im trying to act cool but if your brain does not follow it just gives a weird result which in my own experience just makes people uncomfortable.