Fear of physical intimacy in relationship

Postby hoosier710 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:25 pm

Hello everyone, first of all I am not a native speaker so please mind that my english is not perfect. I could not find an active psychology forum in my country.

To tell you more about myself, I am a 20-year-old woman who just entered uni in October after a gap year. I never had a relationship in my life. Until I was 18 I was not even in contact with boys, I definetly think that the reason for that was my lack in self-confidence. I always thought I was not good enough for anyone and that there would never be anyone who could love me. That was probably the reason why no guy ever tried to hit on me because I always shut down right away when one of them just looked at me. I have a lot of girlfriends and was never shy, so I would not say I have social axiety. I just could not really deal with boys. My gap year as an Au Pair helped me a lot, I gained self conficence, traveled two months on my own and met a lot of new people. I was more open for boys, so I started dating for the first time in my life. In 2017 I had three first dates. I never had a second date with the first two, because both of them tried to kiss me and I just could not deal with that. I never kissed anyone in my life and I am super insecure about it. Now I met a great guy at Uni. He is super nice, is good looking, smart and he even cooks and plays the piano. So theoretically the man of my dreams. And he really shows interest in me. We met a couple of times in a group and had two dates until now. He never tried to get to close to me, we hug at the hellos and goodbyes, but other than that and touching my shoulder there was not more. Now he asked me out on a third date and he asked if he could come to my place, we could cook and watch a movie on the couch afterwards. While reading this my stomach just clinched and I came up with an excuse right away why I did not have time. I am just so scared that he wants to kiss me or touch me, which he probably will because thats normally whats happening after two dates. I really like him so I do not see the fault in him but in me. Something is wrong with me that I am so uncomfortable to have physical intimacy with men. Of course I wish for it but in real life it is just impossible. I don't have a problem at all with body contact with other people, like friends and family. And I am definetly not asexual.
I feel like I am just not normal and nobody understands me. How can I overcome this fear? How will I ever have a husband and kids when I can not fix this? Please help me, I am so desperate. :(
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Postby aaronstraine » Tue Jan 09, 2018 11:57 pm

I feel the same.
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