It's been 4 months

Postby mikeabbot » Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:03 am

Hey!

So I've decided to post my progress here, as this place has helped me tremendously in understanding what I'm going through. So why don't I share my experience also?

I quit weed, cigarettes and coffee cold turkey on sep 11, so today marks 4 months without weed.
Boy has this been a ride and it still is.

I've always been a very outgoing person, but for the last 4 or 5 years, when I started smoking weed regulary (2-3 joints a day, very potent stuff, high quality), everything started changing. I'm 33 now and haven't really smoked weed in my youth (maybe just a couple of times really).
The first few years of being a pothead were great, but the last 2 have been more or less me starting to cover up some issues I was having. I have a great job, a dog, my own apartment, tons of friends btw...

I was in band, that was my baby and things were going really great. We got signed to a label, toured around etc...but at the peak moment our singer left us and we couldn't find a replacement fast enough to be able to catch the momentum so everything started falling apart, all the dreams and everything...
Fast forward a year (2017). My girlfriend of 10 years broke up with me, cause she wanted to focus on her own career and hated me being a pothead (instead of helping me). Too me that was a relief, a way I can start focusing on myself.
Two week afterwards I meet a perfect girl for me, but the timming was just awful so we eventually split. She was the one that helped me decide to get of weed. And so I did. On sep 11, 2017 I stopped smoking weed, cigs and stopped drinking coffee.
Wow, I knew I would have some issues, but never expected withdrawal can be that hard.

Month 1: I never want anyone to experience this. I had all the common symptoms and was scared shitless. Went through all kinds of test just to make sure I'm actually completely fine and just going through withdrawals. Too me the worst part was libido and ED issues. As a recently single man I just wanted to go around and meet girls. Well...not so fast I guess.

Month 2: While it wasn't that bad, it still was a nightmare. Sleeping issues, tremors...I could stay at home, 'cause I would get depressed so bad and jsut wanted to be outside with friends all the time. I couldn't eat at that point and lost 8 kg (17 pounds?)

Month 3: This is were most of the physical symptoms went away, but depression and anxiety kicked in heavily - and all the symptoms associated with. My emotions were numb, my libido was down...Eventhough I started working out 3 times a week.

Month 4: So here we are now. I'm feeling better, I started laughing at stuff, still working out, but I still don'T enjoy activities I used to love. My libido is still down, but not that bad. I met a new girl that I really like, but there is just this emotional numbness that I can't get past. But it's not just with her, even with my close friends and family - can't feel the emotional connection. This + anxiety (weak legs) are my two issues that remained to these day. I started taking omega 3 + some vitamins and magnesium daily at this point.

I can clearly see the progress I'm making, but the numbness, low libido and anxiety are still something that worries me a lot.
To me all this withdrawal time seems like time wasted (just to be clear, I don't want to smoke ever again)...I cannot function like myself if I'm not busy all the time. But nowadays, I just don't feel it.

Hopefully someone can identify with my story and will help them also.

Sorry for my English.

Cheers, Mike
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#1

Postby SoulFull » Mon Jan 15, 2018 1:44 pm

Hey Mike,
First of all I would like to thank you for sharing your experiences. I am also reaching the 4 month mark for weed and cigarettes. I too have also quit drinking coffee as the after effects were too much for me to handle. (I never had this problem before I got heavily hooked to weed) I get really angry when I stop drinking it. So no more coffee for me. I'm a 33 year old male by the way, and have been smoking for about 17 years before I decided to quit 4-5 months back.

The 1st 1 to 1.5 months was really hard on me. I felt suicidal and really demotivated. I just didn't want to meet anyone and stayed indoors. Anxiety and depression was at its peak. I lost a lot of weight since I didn't want to eat anything. Sometimes I also had emotional outbursts like suddenly crying or bursts of anger for the simplest of reasons. I have no problem sleeping. In fact I sleep around 12am at night, wake up about 7am, send my kids to nursery and wife to work and then come back home to sleep until mid day. I don't know why I feel so tired around these time. Maybe I'm just healing, I'm not sure. Then I would wake up and then then eat a bit usually and egg with some brown rice before doing some light workouts at home like dumbbell lifting, pushups, squats, situps. At night I'd have some protein such as sardines, chicken also with rice. Libido was at an all time low. No sexual activity whatsoever. Everything made me anxious. I couldn't bear it. Depressed to the point wanting to end it all. Until I found this site. Here, I felt I was not alone. And I wasn't damaged beyond repair, it's just PAWS. There's still hope for recovery.

Month 2 to 3, I included green olives, omega 3 and vitamin C with Zinc supplements in my diet. I also jumped rope as often as I could. This improved my mood a lot. Made my heart beat fast again. But I was still sleeping a lot due to the fatigue in the mornings. Motivation was low but suicidal thoughts were not there anymore. Emotional outbursts were still there but getting lesser in quantity and intensity. Worked out every single day when I felt like S*it. When I took the supplements, I started feeling better. I noticed that I could now take control of my anxiety, and that the withdrawal was just making things feel a lot worse than they actually are. I have developed certain techniques to control my irrational fears and until this day, they seem to be working. Libido has returned but nothing like what it was when I was smoking. I was a sexual deviant to the point nearly losing my family. Among the reason I quit, I love my wife and kids too much to lose them over my uncontrolled desires. Thinking about the past depresses me, even until now I haven't really come to terms with the bad memories. I went traveling with the family to generate new good ones. I also went to a family reunion after not attending for years. (It was a hassle hiding my habit from my extended family members, hated to sneak around to do the deed) I've also started doing things that I enjoyed doing, before I replaced all those with weed.

Month 3 to 3.5, I can wake up at 5am most mornings and have breakfast, excercize, meditate and do chores. I've also started to work on my novel, (not in English) at the local library with my laptop from 9.30am to 4.30pm with a break during lunch time. I am able to socialize where I met friends and make music together. Eventhough they smoke cigarettes, I easily declined offers to smoke. I no longer fear being around people. I have developed a fearless attitude somehow, defeating my anxiety. Please refer to my thread to know how I did this. Maybe it would be of help. I was brave enough to handle and settle a lot of things by taking action rather than hide behind the blunt. My only problem now is my depression, thinking of lost opportunities and also my morning fatigue. Some mornings I can't stay awake before 12pm. I think this depression and morning fatigue is somehow linked. Before this, I was wake and bake for years. This might be another reason why. Libido still average. Premature most of the time. Not complaining, I'm sure it will improve over time.

Hoping that things will be better in the months to come. I hope we make it Mike. All the best!
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#2

Postby mikeabbot » Wed Jan 24, 2018 12:06 pm

Great to hear your reply SoulFull! :)

It's now been 4 months and 13 days for me!
I feel much better, still not there, but the last 14 days were pretty good and way better than how I felt even 14 days ago.
Still being depressed, anxious and emotionaly numb, but I can control it. I'm improving at much faster pace than before.
Haven't changed any more habits, I'm just trying to enjoy things I used to and I think I'm slowly coming back.
I'll write again in about a month or earlier if anything new happens.

Cheers!
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#3

Postby SoulFull » Sat Jan 27, 2018 12:24 am

Hey Mike,
It's good to know things are getting better for you. Reaching 4 months (weed) and 5 months (cigs) clean, I'm starting to feel so much better myself. Libido's back! Lol, that's a big relief.
Getting out of the house and meeting people everyday was a real game changer for me. That's when I started to feel less depressed. For my anxiety and mood swings, I've used mind techniques to counter them and they are working. They're not gone, I guess I've just learned to control them better. I'm thankful for that. Thankful for life and the chance to really live it again.

To another clean and healthy month. Cheers!
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#4

Postby mikeabbot » Tue Feb 27, 2018 8:12 am

It's been 5,5 months now and it looks like some symptoms returned. I felt ok for a while, but am now feeling pretty low again.
My motivation is down again and so are my energy levels, even though I snowboard almost every day.

I'm just so tired of this process and just want my normal life back.
Still taking Omega 3 + some magnesium every now and then. I believe it helps a bit, or maybe it's just a placebo? Dunno.

You think you're getting better, but then it hits you again.
Maybe I need to change something else in my life? But what...I have a great job, great hobby, friends, girls etc...but still feel empty and lonely.

How many of you experienced big changes after 6 months?

Lately, all the stories I've been reading here are all about getting better in 2 years time. sh** this is a long period.
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#5

Postby Thracian » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:26 am

Stay strong man , it will take more than a year .Think about it this way , all that time you spend blazing and sleeping with full of thc now your body has to cope without thc and function .Im on week four myself and I feel all of the symptoms someone above described .Im crying everyday.Weed effects the frontal cortex which is our emotions .Its going to take time .We have to be hopeful .
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#6

Postby mikeabbot » Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:37 pm

For the last two days I've been feeling joy. In it's purest form. Something I haven't felt for the last 6 months. You guys have no idea how happy that made me. Life feels just so amazing right now :) I missed that feeling. Wow.
I guess there is a way out of here :) It really does get better!!!

Just stay strong!

Cheers, Mike
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#7

Postby mikeabbot » Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:48 pm

Just to share my progress.
It's been a little over 7 months. :)

Things are turning into the right direction. Anxiety is still here, but has subsized tremendously. I'm starting to get my positive emotions back. I had my longest streak so far, almost 8 days without feeling bad. I can now keep focus at things for longer amount of time. Physicaly I haven't felt that good in ages (except the anxiety which is making my muscles tense as f***).
The only thing really bothering my are cravings. They almost always appear at the same time, 2-3 am at night. I usually just grab a glass of water and try to get back to sleep. So far so good. It's weird, 'cause I haven't had cravings since month 1. Has anyone else experienced them at this stage?

Keep fighting!

All the best,
Mike
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#8

Postby Bagobones » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:40 pm

mikeabbot wrote: It's weird, 'cause I haven't had cravings since month 1. Has anyone else experienced them at this stage?

Keep fighting!

All the best,
Mike


It depends on what you mean by cravings! I sure miss it sometimes still... Just the weed though, the cigarettes no, hate those things...

I think I i will always miss weed a bit.

And thanks for sharing! Its important for the people early in the quit to hear that its very nice on the other side, once you make it there...
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#9

Postby helenadoc » Tue Apr 17, 2018 5:44 pm

mikeabbot wrote:Just to share my progress.
It's been a little over 7 months. :)

Things are turning into the right direction. Anxiety is still here, but has subsized tremendously. I'm starting to get my positive emotions back. I had my longest streak so far, almost 8 days without feeling bad. I can now keep focus at things for longer amount of time. Physicaly I haven't felt that good in ages (except the anxiety which is making my muscles tense as f***).
The only thing really bothering my are cravings. They almost always appear at the same time, 2-3 am at night. I usually just grab a glass of water and try to get back to sleep. So far so good. It's weird, 'cause I haven't had cravings since month 1. Has anyone else experienced them at this stage?

Keep fighting!

All the best,
Mike

hello Mike. i'm 9 months and 7 days clean and the first time i felt cravings was last month. I heard this stupid song on the radio which reminded me of the times when i was happy and felt a huuuge urge to quit. It was so strong and organic, i was so close to make the phonecall and **** everything up because i was feeling so sad, empty and bitter and i thought it wil make me feel good. I resisted it and it went away in like half hour. It was the first time since i've quit that i really felt the need to smoke
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#10

Postby mikeabbot » Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:16 am

Bagobones wrote:
mikeabbot wrote: It's weird, 'cause I haven't had cravings since month 1. Has anyone else experienced them at this stage?

Keep fighting!

All the best,
Mike


It depends on what you mean by cravings! I sure miss it sometimes still... Just the weed though, the cigarettes no, hate those things...

I think I i will always miss weed a bit.

And thanks for sharing! Its important for the people early in the quit to hear that its very nice on the other side, once you make it there...



Hey Bagobones!

By cravings I mean actual cravings, similar to when you need a cigarette. To me it feels like my heart-rate goes up, I start shaking a bit and my mind is occupied with the idea of lighting up a fat one.
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#11

Postby mikeabbot » Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:18 am

helenadoc wrote: hello Mike. i'm 9 months and 7 days clean and the first time i felt cravings was last month. I heard this stupid song on the radio which reminded me of the times when i was happy and felt a huuuge urge to quit. It was so strong and organic, i was so close to make the phonecall and **** everything up because i was feeling so sad, empty and bitter and i thought it wil make me feel good. I resisted it and it went away in like half hour. It was the first time since i've quit that i really felt the need to smoke


It's similar with me. It goes away in half an hour or so. How are you feeling at 9 months otherwise?

all the best,
Mike
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#12

Postby Marcster44 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:42 am

Hey mike. I've gotten that feeling too starting at the 6 month sober area. I think its because your starting to feel sorta urself again and ol slugworth or just ur mischievous brain ( I think in funny ways to have things make sense to me) telling u to just **** off for a lil because youve been on the ball so much. I ended up getting real drunk with a coworker last week because my brain had been thinking of it too much after 8 months totally sober. I caved basically but luckily not to weed. As ironic as it may sound to most. Once I smoke weed im off to the races from morn to night.... I think I personally just needed to remind myself that I don't like being inebriated or incapacitated or whathaveyou's..on any drug... At all anymore.
But getting back to the point. Just remember that addicts have this tendency to want to self sabotage sometimes when things are sorta looking up. Just stay busy with things you enjoy. Keep It Simple Stoopid..lol..and I hear this phase passes slowly around the 1 year mark...
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#13

Postby helenadoc » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:32 am

mikeabbot wrote:
helenadoc wrote:
It's similar with me. It goes away in half an hour or so. How are you feeling at 9 months otherwise?

all the best,
Mike


I noticed that last month i was going through a paws episode: a little blurry vision, very tired, slow thinking, intense anxiety and a few attempts of panick attacks.

Now, i'm (lets say) fine. I don't always have anxiety (i feel it like an ache in my left thorax near the heart, and sometimes it extends by the left neck and arm). I eat, i sleep. I hate that i remember what i'm dreaming, i only dream stupid unreal sh**. They are not nightmares but they make me uncomfortable.

I can laugh sometimes, but mostly i feel depressed. I'm in pain cuz i don't feel pleasure or joy in anything. I walk on the street and i have this crazy look :)) like i could kill someone with my eyes.

I only feel negative things. Anger, despair, frustration. This anhedonia is killing me. Guilt.


February was the month were i felt lile i was on the right track. I felt content, a bit of love, my sex drive was slowly but steady increasing. But then i had 2 panick attacks and a wave of depression came along with it and it does not go away.
So i'm thinking that it will come to me eventually. I need more time i guess.

I'm reading this forum everyday, several times a day because it gives me hope. My worst concern it's that i will never be the same again, and it's affecting my emotional state very very much. But reading people's stories here gave me comfort and a bit of security. I need the reasurrance that i will get better because this is not the live that i wana live.

I would eat bs if i say that i'm not feeling a lot better than when i started, the first 3 months. It's a huge difference. So i guess i'm on the right track and i have to pe pacient because i'm in for the long haul.

Sorry for the long post, but i feel that if i don't say what i feel and what i think, i can't be helped or be of help :)
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#14

Postby helenadoc » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:48 am

I like to think that all this suffering is for something. It will eventually end in something good. I really really hope that. I'm trying to imprint this in my brain because when i fall into that despair, it seems like everything is fallin' apart.

I hate me for what i have done to myself, to my relationship,my bf, my mom. I feel so guilty because i am the one who changed. I am the one who didn't wanna stop when everybody told me to take a break, i am the one who drowned...

It will be fine eventually, that's what i'm telling myself everyday. "Just hang in there, it will pass!" (And most of my brain is screaming "when the **** is that going to happen, i'm tired, i just wanna be me again, why is it so hard, i don't wanna feel like this anymore")
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