Quitting Marijuana Diary

#15

Postby Dandysam123 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 1:28 pm

Thanks jayc93,

It seems we are in a similar predicament so I hope my diary really helps you!

It is also good what points you have acknowledged as that means you are also self aware and I hope doing well?

Always about if you need man, take care.
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#16

Postby jayc93 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 4:44 pm

Yeah I’m doing well thank you. Only on day 4 now myself but I’m already feeling like I won’t touch cannabis again. Already seeing certain benefits from not smoking and is great but still get a bit of brain fog in the mornings managed to get a job interview on the 30th so something else to keep focused on fingers crossed ayy. I’m using a app on my iPhone called quit cannabis it’s really motivating to say the least. Keep it up and congrats on staying clean for over 2 weeks that’s brilliant man can’t wait to get to that stage even though it’s still very early days. I haven’t had problems sleeping yet surprisingly and hope I don’t get it but I have been sweating loads just doing nothing it’s crazy keep us updated pal your doing amazingly well :)
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#17

Postby Dandysam123 » Fri Jan 26, 2018 4:12 pm

Nice one Jay,

What benefits have you seen? and if I may ask what job are you going for?

Interesting that you and I haven't struggled with sleep although saying that the past few days I've had some personal issues and this has led to me getting very little sleep, but I can relate to the sweats, it is a very temporary thing though.

Keep it up my dude :)
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#18

Postby Dandysam123 » Fri Jan 26, 2018 4:37 pm

Day 18, personal struggles are hard to deal with sober....

So I have been a general positive wave and have not been overthinking my life like I had and generally just doing well. But unfortunately the past few days have been rather depressing and angry. My very close friend who I've constantly wondered how I feel towards her, as in whether I like her more than just a friend, I'm more than certain I do though. It's hard as we tried a to be together a few months ago but both of us were in the complete wrong head space. She was getting over a long term ex whereas I had been dealing with low libido, drug addiction and mental health. So yeah it didn't work but I couldn't get over it due to the fact I was certain it was the wrong time.

Fast forward to the past week and we've been getting incredibly close, on nights out she'd be drunk chatting sh** about missing me a lot lately and being rather touchy. Of course I'm sober during this so I don't have that drunk chat sh** mentality and I wasn't going to take advantage of her because that's just creepy sober. But Monday evening she was really wasted and asked me to sleep round, after we ended things ages ago we had slept together (not had sex) a few times so I didn't really overthink this and the night was normal, just put her to bed with some water and that was it. Over the course of her sleeping she was all over me, as in wrapped around me etc... That's when I thought maybe subconsciously she was into me, but again it was something I didn't want to overthink. In the morning when we were both awake the cuddling and closeness continued and we had a lovely day together, never overstepped the boundary of kissing etc but there was definitely something happening between us.

She had a date planned the next night and went to it, this annoyed me but it's not like we talked about anything and she is just my friends. I also wasn't too concerned because she isn't the type to have a one night stand. Still though I couldn't sleep, I'm not sure if it was because of her going on a date or because I started to think A LOT. I specifically was thinking about my future and what makes me happy, I came to the conclusion one of the things that makes me most happy is HER. I thought that in a relationship or not I need to be with her, but overall I think that I needed her as my girlfriend. I finally slept and woke up feeling good that I'd come to this conclusion and that I was going to tell her, I had to get it off my chest and express how I felt, if I get turned down I can move on.

So I saw her the next day, she was hungover and when I asked about how her date was she was incredibly vague. Although she highlighted they probably wouldn't meet again. So I didn't think too much of it, but I then asked if he stayed round randomly, HE DID! As soon as she told me I left the library, it was mad as we were having a lovely day as usual, then she tells me this and I switch. I'm annoyed because I'm her friend I shouldn't be like this but of course I cannot help how I feel. Fortunately I had counselling in that hour so I could express myself and calm down there, without that I would have got f***ed and not spoken to her for ages, that would have been so dumb! From the counselling I thought of a rationale way to speak to her. Of course I had to apologise how unfair I was as she is just my friend. I just felt like she cheated on me! and she said she felt like she had cheated on me and while having sex with him all she could think about was me. So long story kinda short, from that night she came to the conclusion she loves me, positive outcome I suppose, even though I feel betrayed as ****. But even though I'm not in the right place for everything we have thought to consider how we feel for each other, this has made me happy but is certainly occupying my mind far too much and I wanna take drugs because I'm really confused.

So a restless sleep and a confusing wake up. Speak with her today and we planned to watch the football with each other. I had invited a friend who knew the entire situation, told her and she panicked and bailed, now she is like i think we should have our distance. Like it is mad how she is changing her mind so quickly, she is obviously confused but we are so close friends, this f***ing distance is stupid. Ignoring everything that has happened in the past few days and considering this month I have been going through I still need her as my friend and no she wants distance. Such a head **** and wow I wanna f***ing take drugs so hard right now, so confused. Gunna have to speak with her later.

This is generally a huge vent , another test of emotions and a test if I will use. The struggle is real but I have to power on. But to be honest I was so good until all this sh** happened and now I feel awful. This positivity I've focused on is hard to see now. SUCKS
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#19

Postby wubbalubbadubdub » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:25 pm

Firstly well done for making it 18 days sober, although I hope you're now at day 21!

Coming from a girl who has been on the receiving end of having a guy best friend declare their love for me, I feel I can give you some advice that may help your situation.

Girls are selfish and attention seeking. I used to ask my friend to have a chill with me after a night out when pissed, although at first I didn't realise he liked me. As for the touchy feely behaviour, again I am guilty of waking up in a bed after a night out next to my male friends completely wrapped around them when in every day life you would have certain boundaries.

This is not to say that your friend does not feel strongly about you, or else she definitely would have cut you off the minute she knew that you liked her. However the fact that she is now going on dates and make sure you know about them feels to me like a tactic to try and make sure you know how she's feeling about your relationship and wanting to have you as a friend rather than a romantic interest- I have used this tactic on a few occasions.

I think that space is definitely a good option for both of you as you have gone from friends to "seeing each other" right back into friends, and it is probably going to take its toll on both of you. But aside from this, coming from a background of poor mental health and (dare I say it) dependant relationships myself, I know that everybody needs a friend that they can talk to about anything and everything but those kind of relationships are most useful on a platonic level. It is good that you're talking to a counsellor, but perhaps you have friends that would be able to support you whilst you have some space to clear your head from this girl? I have been 2 months without seeing my ex and I have began to find friends and support groups in people that I didn't think gave two f**ks about me, and whilst it is shitty at first slowly I am getting better at dealing with my problems without relying on him.

From the sounds of it you both care about each other a lot, and if you are anything like my and my mate your friendship will be strong enough to withstand a break or however much space you need to recover. I know it's a bit sh** now, but I hope this helps and stay strong with your sobriety!
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#20

Postby Dandysam123 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:10 pm

Hey Wubbalubbadubdub,

Thank you for your insight! 24 days off the weed and all drugs, although did have a pint yesterday, but all good!
I agree girls are selfish and attention seeking but I think all people have that in their nature at varying degrees. I’ve spoken to her about this all now and she went on that date because she was confused and following on from the date realised how much of a mistake it was. So in the end we have actually decided to start ‘seeing each other’ properly and just be more honest with one another and just see how it goes, when we tried it before we were both mentally f***ed, but now we are in the right place and although early days it feels good. Although I kinda feel like a bitch because of her sleeping with someone last week but I just remind myself we weren’t going out so I can’t say sh** really. So although she originally wanted space that was mainly because of fear of how she felt and what impact that may have on our very close friendship. I appreciate your advice though! I’m just not getting so emotionally involved this time and like drug addiction/mental health problem, I am taking it day by day.

But thanks for the advice!
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#21

Postby Dandysam123 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:24 pm

Day 24....

Guys the days are getting easier and easier!

I honestly don't even think about weed at all! I love the smell and that's it now. I no longer need it to fill this void of boredom I had, I've replaced that void with meditation, reading, studying, socializing and gym. All these things I highly recommend, productive activities which don't hinder the rest of your day to day activities.

There has still been struggles of course but who doesn't have struggles?! That is part of life, it can't all be perfect. It is just learning to accept and then deal with those struggles. For example I sometimes get wrapped up in funny head spaces, go quiet, weird and kinda rude, it happens like the flip of a switch. I acknowledged I had felt like this, rode it out and tried to not let it negatively effect the people around me or myself. Once the weird head space is over you feel proud and accomplished. There are day to day struggles such as these, some more intense some less, but learning to deal with them without the need for drugs is the task and once overcome is highly rewarding.

Of course I am being positive but in the back of my mind I still have doubts in myself, this is natural and I'm working on removing these doubts. I'm just scared if a very stressful occurrence happens in my life and how I'd deal with it. But this has kinda taught me to not get so intensely invested and passionate into things, it has grounded me if you will.

Every day I continue to learn new things about myself, life and grow! It is a fascinating journey I am on and that journey is not over. Although the hard days are generally behind me (I hope/think) I still continue to use this page becuse it is one of my productive outlets still. So from now this page may take a more positive turn, but I hope readers can continue to read this to see the positive outcomes and learn the things I have.

I smoked weed for 8 years religiously every day, at some years 2 grams plus a day! I never thought I wouldn't smoke weed. **** PAWS it is bs and **** the perception that every day smoking of cannabis is not bad for you. It isn't a bad drug don't get me wrong, but the social stereotype that a 'stoner' is okay and an alcoholic isn't is ridiculous and really needs to change!

Peace for now lovely people! Stay productive and take everything day by day! xoxox
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#22

Postby natmar89 » Wed Apr 04, 2018 9:19 pm

Hey Dandysam123,
I'm a remotely new member but can't message you privately because I haven't posted enough on the forum publicly. We are basically going through the exact same thing right now. Parents, school, at home issues...was wondering if there was a way to have a one-on-one online convo with you. Sincerely natmar89
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#23

Postby Dandysam123 » Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:50 am

Hello Natmar89,

I hope you are doing okay, I don't know of a way to talk one on one i'm afraid, I'm not very familiar with the ins and outs of this forum. Although I am happy to discuss anything on this page.

Since my first post my life has changed rather dramatically. I have smoked weed maybe twice since properly quitting, both times very drunk, I wake up annoyed at myself but at the same time there is no point kicking yourself. Also I don't have a desire to do it (most of the time sober), my drug intake has dramatically reduced and generally I know how to be myself/deal with myself now. Either way I'm doing a lot better.

I'm slowly becoming more motivated to work on my studies, I'm still going to the gym (something I massively recommend), my relationship with my parents is even better. All I can say is, start being more aware of yourself and not resisting how you feel, be aware of it and work it out. Meditate and think about it, don't overthink and stress.
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#24

Postby natmar89 » Fri Apr 06, 2018 8:31 pm

Thanks Dandysam123,
Your posts have been very helpful to me. I'm on day 15 and doing okay. Although I've quit weed I don't have a drinking problem, so I still have a beer every once in a while btw. I hope things are going well for you as well. Also, concerning your gf, I have been in similar situations and understand how feeling that escaping through drugs is the only way to seize the pain temporarily. I know if something happens with my bf and myself, it will be the most tempted I have been since I quit smoking. Hopefully that will not come about though. If you ever need to vent about the relationship, I'm here to talk. -natmar89
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#25

Postby Dandysam123 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:23 am

Natmar89,

I'm so happy that I'm helping you through this! 15 days is fab too!

Nothing wrong with a beer or two, it is all about control. I'm at a point now where I drink once a week or so. I'm finally in a place where when I do such things I'm not doing it destructively.

Yes the temptation does arise with the relationship struggles, it is finding new outlets to deal with those struggles. Are you practicing meditation or going to the gym at all? Or even just having friends that can hear your vent. Of course this forum is a good outlet in itself! Like you say though, hopefully a relationship issue doesn't happen.

What other pressures can you identify that lead to temptation?

Take care,

Dandysam123
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#26

Postby natmar89 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:36 pm

Hey Dandysam123,
Well one of the main pressures that always leads me back to temptation is school. Just very stressful. I also have ADHD and the meds increase my sleep deprivation immensely which in itself leads to stress lol. I take many prescription meds for various OHI's and they all come along with side affects. Don't get me wrong, I am truly grateful for these medications and the fact that I have insurance to obtain them; but weed helped easy those side effects somewhat. So mixing all that together, makes it seem impossible sometimes. But I'm on day 19, so fingers crossed. -natmar89
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#27

Postby Dandysam123 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:25 pm

Natmar89,

In regards to school I think the best thing you can is be proud of the achievements you make there. For me getting into class and doing the work is a great achievement. Getting a high grade isn't everything, but keeping at it and trying are. There is no point comparing to others who are doing better or worse than yourself, it won't benefit you. Just keep your head up and be proud of what you have done. Also are there no support services at your school? for example counselling or extenuating circumstances? I used both of these a lot to get me through my own rough patch.

In regards to your other issues I cannot help i'm afraid, sorry. But the bright side is that it makes it seem impossible SOMETIMES, so whenever you feel bad/tempted remind yourself that that will end and you will overcome what you are feeling over time. Eventually learning how to deal with it better and better, until the temptation is hardly noticeable.

May I ask why you decided to quite marijuana? Only because you have mentioned how it helped mitigate some of the side effects.

Take care,

Dandysam123
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#28

Postby natmar89 » Wed Apr 11, 2018 1:57 am

DS123,
Well although my bf said I didn't need to stop, he wasn't too fond of it. But more importantly, once I complete my bachelor's degree I'll more than likely be drugged tested at job interviews. The only improvement I've seen is short term memory recall. But only when it involves conversing. My short-term memory/working/long-term memory for studying hasn't really improved at all. Which was what I was really hoping for. I forgot why you quit again. -natmar89
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