I am in need of Serious Help.

Postby Katie4 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 4:47 pm

Hi,
My name is Katie. i have been struggling with this problem for long. I don't know what to do, I simply feel paralyzed.
My problem is "I can't work"

Actually, I am a content writer/blogger/freelancer. I am good at my job. I get projects easily as my clients really like my work. I am also working on my own blogs and websites because I know I can earn more by this. Sounds good so far but the problem is, when i get a project, I can't work on it. If a client gives me 5 articles to write and 5 days to work on it. I will delay the work first or my mind wanders and when the deadline comes nearer I just give up.

I sit on my chair at 7 am in the morning and till 6 pm in the evening I sit on my chair. This is a lot of time to accomplish any big task but I simply can't work. I can't get my mind to think, my mind refuses to do any effort. I watch videos, and do random stuff other than "work" I feel paralyzed. I can't explain as anyone who will read this will think come on this is lame, Just get yourself working, but for me it is getting very very hard day by day.

Another thing I want to mention is that I need money for survival and the only way of survival is this freelance work. I know I can earn a good amount of money, but I can't work.

Let me explain it further, if I have to write an article for a website, i will open all the resources and when I start to think my mind gets blank. This doesn't happen when I write sample article for my clients. This happens in actual projects that can earn me a lot of money. I don't know I am able to explain my situation or not.

I went to a psychiatrist and she prescribed a Depression medicine. I started using it and after 2 days i had severe headache continuously so I stopped the medicine.

I also think about doing job in a company but I am afraid that I will not be productive there.

I have 2 projects with deadlines approaching but I am not able to work on any of them. I sit all day staring on the screen.

I started taking Modafinil 100mg once daily. I felt some change and clarity in my thoughts but it also didn't work for me. I know the medicine is not a magic that will get me to work, I have to do the real effort.

Anyone who is getting my problem please please help me.. I am feeling myself useless.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:22 pm

Katie4 wrote:Actually, I am a content writer/blogger/freelancer. I am good at my job. I get projects easily as my clients really like my work. I am also working on my own blogs and websites because I know I can earn more by this. Sounds good so far but the problem is, when i get a project, I can't work on it. If a client gives me 5 articles to write and 5 days to work on it. I will delay the work first or my mind wanders and when the deadline comes nearer I just give up.


Based on what you wrote, there is a disconnect. You say you need money to survive, but you can’t work...but clients really like your work? That is nonsensical. There is a less than accurate assessment going on here. The two statements (1) I can’t work, and (2) clients like my work, don’t add up.

To me, it sounds like you are just starting out. I’m not saying in terms of time, but in terms of process. A successful freelancer has the process down. They repeat the process. A novice freelancer that has had a few hits, probably still struggles, they are still learning to produce, to perfect their process.

It is like the artist that writes 1 song that does great, but when it comes to writing an album they struggle.

I suggest you focus on improving your content creation process. Start with disconnecting from the Internet. I understand the research aspect, but if your going from 7a to 6p...well, there is a huge window of time where isolation from distraction will probably help.

-1- Shut off the Internet 7a to 12p.
-2- Refine your process.
-3- Accept smaller projects...build up to bigger projects.
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#2

Postby Katie4 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:56 am

Thank you so much for taking time for me.
I said that clients like my work, because when I write a sample of content for them, they really like it and give me bigger projects. But when I get that bigger project, I feel like my mind gives up on it. My mind tries to keep me off track because it doesn't want to work. I know it sounds weird as I am in control of my mind, but this is actually the case.
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#3

Postby Sandra » Mon Jan 29, 2018 5:54 am

Katie,
I completely understand what you are saying. I have the same thing. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and I do not treat it with medicine and sometimes I think my life would have been easier/better if I had just taken the medicine. Anyway, moving on....I know even mild depression can affect your work - and being self employed myself - I believe it is much worse because you are the only one you really have to please. No boss, no coworkers - nothing - so you have no positive feedback or any feedback while you are working on a project. It’s just you and your clients. I have missed the “office” environment and wondered the same as you.

Another thought....I know you mentioned that people like your work and you have no problem getting clients when they see your work....and I am the same too...as well as I must work and I need to do more than I do....but the question I have for you is are you happy with your work? Do you feel like it matters or makes a difference? Is it what feeds your soul? Or do you wish you were doing something different? Before I belabor that point - I’ll leave this part first and wait for your response.

I hope I can share my experiences or maybe shed some light on something helpful. I saw your message and I just wanted to pick up the phone and call you to say “Yes I Know!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!” Lol....and unless you’ve experienced it, I believe it is hard to understand.
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#4

Postby Katie4 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:39 pm

Thank you so much Sandra, finally there is someone I can relate to. And the answer of your question is, yes I am satisfied with this work. I love learning new things and improving my communication skills. I know I am good at writing and I can earn good for myself later. Right now I writer for others but I have plans of starting my own business and this will really help me.

After a long time of wandering here and there I think this is what I really wanted to do.
In past I had some different goals and motives, I had depression as well but that was 4 years back. Now I know I am not depressed, I am a cheerful person, I always try to find positivity in every situation, I hate being negative. I am down financially and I want to improve my situation all by myself and I know I can. I know I can do much much better but.

Sometimes I think it is procrastination, but then I think no it is not. I don't delay my work, the thing is I just don't want to do it at all. Or I should say I want to do the work but my mind doesn't allow me to. I have tried to do it forcefully, I did all the efforts to keep on track but in vain. I have been struggling with it for long. Sometimes I feel like if there was someone who I will be answerable to regarding my work then may be I will get my self working.
You know online freelancing platforms are so so strict, anyone who starts working there is so vulnerable in terms of their reputation. A single mistake and you are nowhere.

I go for morning walk as well to keep my mind fresh. I am taking 7 to 8 hours of sleep and it is enough for me, I don't feel lazy or tired. But the moment I start writing something, my mind starts giving me signals that I need rest, I should sleep I forgot to mention this before. Yes, whenever I start doing mental work, i feel sleepy. This is the reason I started taking Modafinil.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jan 29, 2018 1:32 pm

Katie,

Procrastination in the various ways that you have mentioned is very, very common. We all experience it...you are not alone. When we procrastinate, it is a very clear indication that we have failed to correctly assess our situation.

You need to be careful with the projects you are selecting and/or pursuing as a freelancer. Not being able to currently complete 5 articles in 5 days is a good benchmark.

It is important to set goals that are challenging, but not well beyond our current abilities. This is a common error that we all make. We set a goal based on some ideal or what we see others capable of achieving, instead of setting a goal that focuses on incrementally building our own abilities based on our past performance. This impacts our motivation, resulting in the very common watching of videos, distracting ourselves with tasks that we say is work, take naps, sleep too much, and the unfortunate use of medication.

When we set goals that build from previous performance, we are much more likely to achieve, grow and experience faster success. Instead of 5 articles in 5 days, what can you write? What have you accomplished in the past? I'm not talking for your current employer, I mean as a freelancer? If you have been paid by a client for writing a 2500 word article in 3 days in the past, then you build off that success. That is your current benchmark to beat. Be careful about accepting or committing to any goal that goes well beyond your current abilities.
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#6

Postby Sandra » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:06 pm

Katie,

The morning walk is great. I’m going to refer back to my ADD....for years people would joke about me having it and it would make me so mad...I would laugh about it but it really bothered me....fast forward twenty years and I finally got tested...and yes....I have it. I wanted to treat it naturally or with behavior modification. I now take Wellbutrin which some research has proven helps with concentration. It has helped....I’m sure some of the other stimulants would help more...but we will see....

I work with Insurance and Investments, so it should keep my attention.

I wanted to ask you, once you are started, do you dig in with no problem? Is it just the overwhelming part of getting started on a project? What I wonder is if you subconsciously put a lot of pressure on yourself, more than most people understand, and the outcome of your work?
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#7

Postby Sandra » Tue Jan 30, 2018 6:59 am

I opened my own business and you know the saying “wherever you go, there you are”.....for me the flexibility did help in some ways.

I’ve been thinking of you today because you are the first person I’ve ever heard describe either how I feel at times or how I’ve felt.

Most people think I’m smart or something like that....and I don’t believe people know how much I struggle to get things done.

But because I’ve fought ADD for years, I have learned some helpful tips.

It’s really in cognitive behavior therapy. So for instance, if you feel you must sleep when you start work, it may appear as a mountain to you which will in turn shut you down.

Just a thought, stay in the chair for the day, and break down your task into the smallest tasks....it doesn’t matter if you start by writing your name at the top of your paper and sit for another hour....just go slow and don’t stop. I have a feeling there is an overwhelming component that is literally making you sleepy.

Also, I wrote in a journal for three months. During “work” hours...when I felt overwhelmed or like shutting down because I would get so frustrated with myself. From the writing I did strictly for myself I learned more about who I am. I learned that having feedback on work as I completed something was important to me. For what I do and being a one person business, that was a challenge. I had to accept that I had to work around my challenges to get where I wanted to be. I also check in with my clients to give them updates. It gives them an “extra layer of service” and also gave me the feeling I was accountable to someone during the work - not just at the end. Whatever the solution may be, I believe writing to yourself, about yourself and the situation will help you figure out not only the real problem that is paralyzing you but the solution. I’m also a paralyzing perfectionist, well I’m recovering anyway lol. That caused me to do exactly what you described. Breaking the task down helped me. Also, reaching out to colleagues for some networking or just friend chit chatting was a good break and helped me liven back up for work.

Also, I’m wondering if you have a deadline for yourself pertaining to the business you want to open. I would consider writing that down, along with a plan of how long before you get there. If it’s a few years down the road, then you need really short term, well defined goals in writing. It’s very hard to continue a struggle of rowing a boat when you don’t quite know the destination or the ETA.

I want you to succeed and do it without the pain of whT you are experiencing. So I hope anything I said may spark a solution for you.

I’m here if you want to talk or I will happily give you my contact information. I will say this, I’m a pretty good friend. Lol
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