I apologize for such a long post in advance

Hey everyone.
First of all, I would like to say I’m more than happy to have found this forum. I am an introvert myself and I was always sceptical about talking to people online or sharing my thoughts, because ‘’nobody cares’’ - at least what my mind keeps telling me.
It is just extremely nice and uplifting reading other people’s stories that are so similar to your own. Or just stories that give you hope and motivation to do the same things and realise that quitting something addictive is not the end of the world and the bad days will pass.
So I’ve been thinking about quitting weed for over 6 months now, mostly because of financial reasons at first (I’m a 21 year old student living far away from home). Then came the health - it got worse, my asthma progressed and weed didn’t seem to make things any better, obviously.
Then many other reasons came. Guess the reasons that drive most of us to quit this addiction - psychological. I don’t even know where to begin, but I imagine many experience just the same.
I was always a lazy person, it was a challenge for me to even clean my room, even though I am a girl and supposed to be all tidy and stuff

This laziness however only progressed day by day as I smoked almost 24/7. Every SINGLE DAY I would sit down, light up another joint, write a plan for healthier eating, for exercising, I was trying to plan my daily activities in my diary, I was trying to be more organised. Until the next day came, which was supposed to be the day I become ‘’new me’’. However, it never happened.
With every new day all my habits stayed the same, I was eating like sh**, and so bad that I am even ashamed to go in details, but to make things short… I would literally eat sweets and pasty and carbs all day long. After few months I started feeling it on my body… I had so much less energy than before, my skin was terrible, I gained a bit of weight, which was not that much, so again… **** health, if I am not getting fat from it - let’s just continue eating like sh**…
So that’s how it kept going. Every single damn day…I would build great plans on how to be a better person, on how to live healthier and stop this procrastination…
But again - never happened.
So it all led to even worse feelings - feeling like a piece of sh** who is not able to get out of bed to shower for 2 days, because its the weekend and I’m just lazy, lighting up a joint in bed all day.
Not even ashamed, yes, it all happened.
This is already getting to a long story, but I have to mention the most critical point.. I really noticed that I turned from an introvert to a socially awkward person with constant anxiety. I was scared of people. Of everyone. I was scared to go outside to the shop, because I felt like everybody is just staring at me and judging me, as if they know that this girl didn’t shower for 2 days because she was too busy laying in bed smoking joints

However, I must mention - I am not just doing nothing. I DJ and produce music, every single day. So I would smoke a lot of weed and spend 5+ hours on my laptop doing music. This is also one of the struggles - I am afraid I’m not going to be as creative as I am with weed - without it. But I guess I just have to wait and see and stop being scared of that.
I feel like weed destroyed me as a person, yes, I’ll go as far as saying that. I started smoking when I was 17 (4 years ago), and smoke every day for the past 3 years. I can’t really compare myself now with who I was when I was 17, because I was still a teenager and VERY different, having no idea whatsoever how this world functions or never even having the idea to go spiritual and maybe try and see what kind of person I am…
I lost myself, I feel lost. I feel a huge blur in my brain, I feel like all my memories are gone, that things that happened to me in life (especially good things) is just something I saw on TV but never experienced myself. It’s horrible. I forget things, small things everyday, when my entire life I’ve been praised by my parents and teachers for my phenomenal memory back then.
I almost don’t get out of the house apart from school and work, and every time I go to a party I feel the need to smoke a bit before to be able to talk to people. UNTIL THE MOMENT I REALIZED IT WAS TOTALLY OPPOSITE. I have proper conversations when I’m sober, I talk what I think and I don’t overthink about things. When high - its messed up…. I judge every word I say.
ANYWAY…
Sorry for making it so long, this is the first time in my life I share something to the internet, so I guess I bursted out..

Today is day 2 for me without weed. And I can definitely say it’s hell. My head feels like it’s being squeezed, my body is so tense that I want to get out of it… I can’t concentrate on anything today, so I even had to stay at home to just relax and try to rest.
I read so many amazing stories here on how people quit weed and their experiences and I just felt joy, somewhat… realizing that I’m not alone, and even though my brain keeps whispering that nobody cares, I care enough to write this and say thank you to everybody who has shared their Stories and inspired me in a way that allowed me to understand that this shitty withdrawal period will be over.
Im proud. Very. I tried quitting for months… and I know its only day 2, but it is the first time I actually realised why I am doing it, and the first time I ACTUALLY felt ‘’YES, I want to quit, its time’’ and not just wished to quit without strong motivation.
Thank you if you read the whole thing

Im gonna try to post my progress, I think it could be really helpful to me, feeling that now i’ve shared this story and I gotta keep it up and not give up.
Wish you all a good day/evening/night wherever you are in the world.