Looking 10 years younger than I am is ruining my life

Postby Younglookingirl » Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:16 pm

I know so many people think it’s great to look young but please try to see this from my perspective. I’m only 5’2” and have a “baby face” but am 29, soon to be 30. It generally doesn’t affect me in my daily life until I’m trying to build professional relationships or friendships in general. People genuinely assume I’m barely out of high school and when I try connecting with new people, half the time they say things like they are trying to say they could be my mom.

I was at a photography convention this month and had amazing opportunities to network and other people there my age had no problem networking. Everyone else felt they were on the same level you could say. Then I’d pitch in and people gave off these confused vibes like I was some kid pretending I knew what I was talking about. I was just being myself. I’m confident (not overly so) and experienced and people kept talking down to me.. like instead of talking on a mutual level they only offered advice as if I was just starting out. Even when they found out I’m a professional it didn’t stop.

I got sooo many comments about how young I looked, just rude little comments here and there. And I see all the people I went to high school with who actually look their age and I get so frustrated because they ARE treated differently. Even when people find out my age they still act like I’m way younger because I look it. People my age call me sweetie all the time too which just grinds my nerves unless I know it’s something they say to everyone.

I’ve considered doing cosmetic surgery but am trying to look at the big picture. I’ve been so obsessed with this because it’s getting worse every year. I just want to be treated like a normal f***ing human being.

Any advice? I hope at least someone can relate.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:15 pm

Younglookingirl wrote: I just want to be treated like a normal f***ing human being.

I’ve considered doing cosmetic surgery but am trying to look at the big picture.

Any advice? I hope at least someone can relate.


Are you looking at the big picture? What do you think about this situation?

Image

Do you think this person should be treated like a normal f***ing human being? Does this person look older or younger than they actually are and does it even matter? Do you think this person can relate to your problem? Do you think he should obtain cosmetic surgery? Do you think that your "bigger picture" is the same as his bigger picture?

I can relate to your problem. I can understand. I too sometimes look in the mirror and wonder about my physical appearance, the new wrinkles, the bags under my eyes that...ruin my life? Nah, I quickly laugh that off as I go out to make myself a single cup of coffee with a machine and open up my refrigerator full of food. I think to myself, "Ha, first world problems...so funny."

Yep, I get caught up in it sometimes, just like you. I get frustrated, I focus in on my "big picture" as my $1,000 flight gets delayed and puts me behind schedule. So horrible! Honestly...I'm not here to deny your frustration, your feelings, anymore than I'm here to pretend that I don't sometimes have similar frustrations, similar feelings related to my first world problems and the injustice of my first world life.

When I feel frustrated, what helps me is to take a step further back and look at the actual big picture rather than my personal "big picture". When I do that, it never, ever fails to comfort me. Not once has taking a step back and looking at those people that have real problems in life ever guided me the wrong way.

Maybe my strategy can also work for you.
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#2

Postby Younglookingirl » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:31 pm

Seriously man? The point is... because I do look so young while I am living on this earth, it is affecting my life. Are you berated or demeaned or put down because people assume you are much younger than you are? Do you truly understand how frustrating it is? I realize I have a lot to be grateful for. Truly, I do. That does not, however, make this issue any easier.

I think if anyone who has suffered throughout history had access to the internet, we would understand a whole lot more about their feelings. Would you say the same thing to them? Oh, but look at the big picture... people are suffering even worse... we are all going to kick the bucket one day.,,

Just insensitive man.

Yeah, it may be a third world problem, but do I not have the right to feel this way?
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:50 pm

Younglookingirl wrote:Yeah, it may be a third world problem, but do I not have the right to feel this way?


A right? Do you have a right to be happy? No. Each of us should have the right to pursue happiness. That is much different than a right to happiness.

I told you how I pursue happiness. I shared with you that very similar to you, I sometimes have similar feelings that you have. Do you not think that I sometimes feel frustration, anger, sadness, grief, etc? I'm human. Do you believe that your feelings over your 1st world problem is somehow categorically different than my first world problems? We both suffer similar negative feelings.

I also shared with you a technique that helps me. It is a technique where I take a healthy step back, look at the big picture, and truly embrace how fortunate my life is and how minor my issues really are. This helps me to put things in perspective and gets me focused on things in life that truly matter.

If you think sharing my technique is insensitive, well...that is on you. You choosing to be offended by my sharing of how I deal with 1st world problems is frankly, just another 1st world problem.

Anyway, the technique works for me, but maybe it doesn't work for you. Fair enough.
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#4

Postby hippyhippy » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:58 am

Wow Richard. ...if ever I was going to look for life advice, it sure as heck wouldn't be from you! What else do you have in your rhetoric?
"There are plenty worse off than you"
"We all feel like this sometimes"
"I don't wish to be insensitive but...."
"You think YOU have problems?"

Jeez, the woman asked a perfectly reasonable question and you basically attack her for not thinking of starving people in the third world! Then you go on to say "Honestly...I'm not here to deny your frustration...." er....sorry mate but you are! Imagine...how bloody dare this woman feel such a way!

In response to the original poster. I don't share your problem now but I did when I was younger. I remember waiting keenly for age 25 because I had been advised that we started to get wrinkles at that age! I felt it incredibly difficult to be taken seriously in my chosen career particularly as they didn't all just look older but they were older! For me, I used to make a joke about it on the lines of "Well, I hope I still look so young in my forties!" or I would simply acknowledge it "Yeah, a lot of people say that." I also took some assertiveness training.
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#5

Postby Livetowin » Tue Feb 06, 2018 11:23 am

When I was in my twenties I always felt the weight of being told I looked much younger than my age. In retrospect I realized how I reacted to those comments did more to bother me than any perceived obstacle in reaching my goals. Now in my 50's I can tell you, time and life experience does tend to catch you, so I would not carry this quality as a deterrent so much as an advantage. I look at those pictures today and DREAM of still having those qualities. But that's the cycle of life. Tough to sell that when you're the one in the midst of it. All I can do is give you a preview around the corner that you do not see.

The bigger picture in all this is to realize how you're perceived as a person is what matters and that comes from how you carry yourself. If you come across reactionary or insecure, that will magnify your appearance of youth. If you come across professional and steady then you will look mature beyond your perceived years. That becomes a compliment. So when people say you look allot younger, smile and say, " Thank you. I work hard to take care of myself and service those good genes I got at birth." People who work with you on a project or study with you in classes will very quickly forget your youth and appreciate the person you are.

If you find others staying focused on your appearance, well those are individuals who look at the superficial qualities in others and are not anyone you would likely want in your company. Same rules apply. Stay away from one dimensional characters and hang with those who understand its the person that counts, and not the surface stuff that is transient at best.

It's all about self acceptance. But here's something you have not considered. Later in life when you lose that number, you might panic and feel inclined to go under the knife for entirely opposite reasons. Same rules will apply then as they do now. Have faith in yourself and don't let superficial perceptions govern your life. In the end it's what you do that defines you. Focus on that and all will work out. THAT I can assure you. I wish you all the best.
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:46 pm

hippyhippy wrote:Wow Richard. ...if ever I was going to look for life advice, it sure as heck wouldn't be from you! What else do you have in your rhetoric?


Thanks hippyhippy,

I will let you in on a secret...you or anyone else not coming to me for advice is perfectly fine. I'm expressing an opinion. There is no requirement that you agree with my opinion, there is no requirement that you like my opinion, and there is no requirement that my opinion make you feel good.

I do appreciate the feedback.
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#7

Postby quietvoice » Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:09 am

Younglookingirl wrote:I’m only 5’2” . . .

Perhaps it's not that you look young but that you are a short person. Links for help from others, and a book . . . petit women job advice, petite female friend, Amazon book Shortchanged.

Younglookingirl wrote:Everyone else felt . . .

Really, how do you know how another person feels? Displaying a confident demeanor doesn't automatically mean that the person is confident on the inside—they may be "acting as if" until they gain a natural confidence through the experience of being confident in their endeavors. You may want to try that out for yourself.

Younglookingirl wrote: do I not have the right to feel this way?

Because a feeling doesn't infringe upon another being's right to live for their own self, you most certainly have the right to feel however you feel, and you can't do anything else but feel how you feel.

Being right in your feeling isn't the point, is it? Aren't you asking to feel better about your own life experience?

Feeling is a consequence of your thinking. Are you right in your thinking? Does your thinking lead to a feeling of happiness? Is it happiness that you want, or is it some other feeling, maybe a peace of mind, an equanimity? Whatever it is, your thinking/feeling comes from you, and not from someone else. How can you guide your thinking in a direction that better serves you?
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