My Weed Break-up Diary....the why and how

#45

Postby reckoning » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:21 am

asgoodasitgets wrote:@ Reckoning -

I sincerely appreciate your kind words, it touches my heart to know that people actually read these posts. I am very thankful to have inspired you, isn't this an amazing community? :) Your posts have helped me as well. Congratulations on making the step in quitting your job, I'm sure you took your time to arrive at that decision, I believe good things are around the corner for you.

Quitting smoking herb is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I believe typing this out is an accomplishment in itself. I say this because for so long I was ashamed to even think I might have a problem with MJ. There definitely is a group of thinkers out there that believe the words marijuana and addiction don't belong in the same sentence. For one reason or another, there are those who would mock us and label us as: weak, pathetic, whatever. They believe that a "normal" person should be able to quit weed easily, that it isn't even a "real" drug. For quit some time I believed this hype, thinking that the issue was all me. It was only after discovering communities such as this one did I realize it is a genuine issue, for people from all walks of life. I'm not saying the problem was weed itself, as I know people who can enjoy moderately. That said, there is definitely a risk of psychological and physical addiction, especially for addictive personalities such as mine.

I am so thankful to this forum and our community for helping me to see the light. Things aren't easier, but I continue to feel hope in my heart for a new life, somewhere around the bend. All the best! -Alex <3 @ 29 days clean


Hey Alex,

Indeed this quitting weed is a very genuine issue. And there are many of us out there with those addictive personality traits . You say a lot of things that make complete sense.

Many of your writings are helping me absorb more fully why I had to leave my relationship to really do a quit that will be lasting. My partner just did not get how damaging it was for me to be around it. Plus it really stopped us growing. A relationship which does not enable growth really has a use by date.

So quitting weed for me is about taking responsibility for the life I want to live.

I want a life that gives me the gifts of growth. Living weed free delivers those gifts of growth . Ha I don't need to go and walk the Camino to have a life changing experience. I'm actually having one now and I've not even reached my destination yet.

Keep posting , you are awesome in your insights and yes I agree this is an amazing community. I too, am grateful to everyone who posts. cheers

ps after quitting my job yesterday I got an offer of some other work today to start next week!
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#46

Postby asgoodasitgets » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:45 am

@ Day 31 -Good, but definitely not easy...

Holy ish! I wanted to do a quick update and let you guys know I'm still fighting the good fight. Today and yesterday have been rough ones...I'm still fighting occasional bouts of cold sweats and some major irritability. It is so weird to be without the crutch that has numbed me for oh so long. There has been a flood of memories and emotions, good and bad, returning to me. The issues for which I believe I self-medicated for so long, depression, anxiety, and anger, are still there. Only difference is I'm not drowning them out in smoke anymore. I am remembering things that I have not thought about for years, some of the difficulties and hardships I've been attempting to numb, and it isn't always pleasant. Regardless, I testify honestly here that I never plan on returning to the herb. I am working hard to appreciate me for who I am and to attempt to start loving myself. It isn't easy.

I am still strong and stubborn, though, and I know and believe in my heart things will get better if I remain patient. Nothing miraculous or stupendous happens overnight. I know that I have to build my ideal existence, it isn't going to fall out of the sky. I am committed to seeing this through to the end.

Blessings and love.....Alex
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#47

Postby reckoning » Sun Mar 04, 2018 8:19 pm

asgoodasitgets wrote:Holy ish! I wanted to do a quick update and let you guys know I'm still fighting the good fight. Today and yesterday have been rough ones...I'm still fighting occasional bouts of cold sweats and some major irritability. It is so weird to be without the crutch that has numbed me for oh so long. There has been a flood of memories and emotions, good and bad, returning to me. The issues for which I believe I self-medicated for so long, depression, anxiety, and anger, are still there. Only difference is I'm not drowning them out in smoke anymore. I am remembering things that I have not thought about for years, some of the difficulties and hardships I've been attempting to numb, and it isn't always pleasant. Regardless, I testify honestly here that I never plan on returning to the herb. I am working hard to appreciate me for who I am and to attempt to start loving myself. It isn't easy.
[quote="asgoodasitgets"]@ Day 31 -Good, but definitely not easy...


Hey Alex,

loving oneself, I reckon, is almost the hardest part of the quit. Can I just say that I appreciate the side of yourself that you reveal here for everyone in this forum. It is very strong, committed, full of wisdom and the reaching out you do to others sharing your experiences is very powerful. I know over the years that the love of others has always helped me on the tricky path to loving self. I've often thought wow if others can see the good in me maybe there really is a good me and maybe I can see what they see.

Keep going. I am at day 65 now and did experience that same hard WAM at around the 30 day mark. It is disconcerting but it seems to be the way of it. :| cheers
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#48

Postby asgoodasitgets » Tue Mar 06, 2018 6:54 am

Five Week's Off of Satan's Arugula...

Two milestones tonight: first MA meeting completed + 5 weeks off of herb. The hardest thing I am facing now is just dealing with anxiety and depression. I've been a bit of a recluse and haven't even been able to exercise because I broke my stupid toe while running to the kitchen...I had forgotten that I left water boiling for a cup of detox tea...ROFL. When it rains....it really f***ing rains ;)

I don't have much to say. I'm going to go eat pizza + chocolate kisses and watch terrible Full House. Peace ! :)
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#49

Postby EdiBee » Tue Mar 06, 2018 12:08 pm

Hi Alex,

So how was the MA meeting? Did you meet some interesting people out there?

Have a nice day.
Ed
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#50

Postby asgoodasitgets » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:30 pm

Yes Ed, a very diverse group of people from all walks of life. It was really interesting, there were young and old alike. I was naturally nervous but I loosened up quickly. I felt at home bc I knew these people really understood me..we all have the same devil whispering in our ear. I'm going to keep going because I really see how making a habit out of this will increase the probability that I will stay quit permanently which is my goal. No Looking Back, cheers to the Future.:-)
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#51

Postby EdiBee » Thu Mar 08, 2018 11:40 am

Happy to hear that, man. I will eventually attend one of these meetings too. I am feeling so good overall with this new life, discovering what I am really, that I am not willing to go back to my weed smoking life. Have a good one.
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#52

Postby Haabefuld » Fri Mar 09, 2018 11:29 pm

Hi Alex
So good to know you’re still hanging on. I haven’t been visiting the forum for a while but I’m also doing good. It is really up and down on this journey. Some days I don’t even think about weed a single time and feel fine but other days I feel really down and just want to blaze up an run away from everything. I had some bad experiences at work and all I wanted to do was get high and forget about it. Somehow I’ve pulled through without caving but I’m def not out of the woods yet. This back and forth thing is hard, just as you think everything is fine a couple of bad days come and you feel like you’re back to square one.
Luckily this forum exists and I can find some support in reading all the great posts.

Best wishes from Haabefuld
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#53

Postby reckoning » Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:48 am

Checking-in with you Alex. Some days can be real tough. R u doing OK?
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#54

Postby asgoodasitgets » Wed Mar 14, 2018 6:17 pm

@ Reckoning

Thanks for inquiring, my friend. I am hanging in there, but you are correct, some days can definitely be very tough.

I'm finding it hard to rebuild my life. I let some many things fall by the wayside while I was complacent getting high. I was seemingly happy and distracted. Now that I am clear-headed, I'm finding that I am very dissatisfied with where I am at. It has taken much patience to make it this far and as of now I have no intents of ever smoking again.

Today is Day 44 and I am still adjusting to life without weed. Things are harder and realer without a crutch. I am dealing with emotions that I have suppressed, many of which are unpleasant. In all reality, my sobriety is the only real thing I have going for myself these days. Thanks again for stopping by, sorry it took me a few days to get back to you. How have you been?
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#55

Postby farmacybliss » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:39 am

Hi Alex,
I am really happy to hear about your commitment to quitting weed. Starting days are tough but you will have to just focus on quitting. Best of luck Dear.
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#56

Postby asgoodasitgets » Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:53 am

@ 45 Days Today

Hello All - just posting for my own personal/accountability reasons. Today is day my 45th day off of weed.

I am very thankful to this community for providing an outlet to express my thoughts and opinions.

I don't have much to say other than I am looking forward to continuing to heal. Each day is a difficult, yet rewarding, battle. I still struggle with anxiety and depression. My sobriety is the best thing I have going for me. My life itself is kind of in shambles and while I was smoking I simply didn't care. Now that I am seeing things more clearly, I am very dissatisfied with things and am slowly finding the courage to take the necessary steps toward change.

I really don't know what my future looks like...but I can say that it does not include weed. I lived that life and it's over. I forgive myself for the damage I have done and am working hard on finding peace and redemption.

I am sincerely looking forward to hitting the 3 month mark, but am trying to enjoy each and every day.

As a 15 year heavy smoker I can honestly say: "If I can do it, you can too." If you are on the fence about quitting, just go for it. If you are willing to put the work and sacrifice in, you will eventually reap the rewards. Quitting is definitely an act of deferred gratification but the reward and conquering your own self is oh-so-sweet.

Much love, respect, hope, and motivation to anyone who is lost in the cloud. There is another life out there for you, grab it and don't let go.

-Alex
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#57

Postby reckoning » Fri Mar 16, 2018 4:45 pm

Hey Alex, you are doing great. I just wrote a really long reply and it evaporated when I went to send it. Big sigh, I was probably sounding too much like a lecturer! I did my 3 hrs of teaching today!

I am at Day 77. Sleep is very disrupted. I have to watch that, when tired, it can all go to sh** for me and I make no connection to the tiredness. Rather I think the world is against me. Working on that big time.

I am also working on being a lot more discerning about my responses when I feel uncomfortable emotions. Usually with emotions that bring up discomfort I am quick to declare a state of emergency and bring in the disaster response team. My disaster response team is a bunch of over reactions! So at Day 77 I'm learning how not to get so spooked about things that are happening around me and to me ! So yes you are right there is another life out there and you can slowly but surely grab it. yep it's a lot of delayed gratification.

Take care and keep going. I look forward to all your updates.
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#58

Postby asgoodasitgets » Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:00 am

@ Reckoning - I totally understand what it's like to write a beautifully-crafted response only to hit the wrong key and watch it disappear in a cloud of smoke (pun intended, haha).

That's too bad that you are still experiencing sleeping issues, my sleep is still hit and miss but so much better than the first weeks of quitting. I have had some bizarre dreams though, which can be kind of interesting. The most annoying thing in my life right now is a toe that is healing that is preventing me from jogging outdoors, my favorite physical outlet. I stubbed it running into the kitchen a few weeks ago and it broke. What a pisser! If I dwell I this I could lose my sh** because I really need the outlet.

I hope you are doing well....I am starting Day 47 today and I am noticing that I am experiencing less GAD, social anxiety, and perhaps some slightly reduced depression. I was proud of myself today because someone stood me up for dinner, and ordinarily this would have been dealt with in a cloud of smoke. Not tonight though, I just figured it was her loss.

I am 99% sure that I will be selling my house and moving to another state close-by. This house and area has a lot of bad memories and I'm not tethered down currently. This really has little to do with weed aside from the fact that I am able to handle the idea of change much more fluidly than if I was smoking. I can only imagine the "what-ifs" and second guessing I'd be experiencing. I am loving the mental clarity these days, despite still feeling kind of bored. I keep attempting to do creative things like making music and can feel my passions slowly returning.

It's late here, so I am off, but I am still 100% weed free and ecsatic. Never again will I put that sh** in my body! :)

Blessings to all of you.
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#59

Postby Baltus » Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:01 am

Dear Alex

This is my first post here on uncommon forum, although I have been here a lot. It has been a wonderful help in times of deep despair.

I've read your entire story, and it bears a great resemblance to mine. I want to thank you deeply for your vise and inspiring words. I'm going to start my own thread, but posting here first. I apologize in advance since this might be a long one, but I got to get my feelings out, and perhaps someone that reads your thread has had similar experiences as me.

I started smoking weed when I was 17. It started as something really fun I was doing with my closest friends while going longboarding in the hills of my hometown and listening to electronic music. I have always been quite shy, but weed made me more social, cool, popular, and I felt special. Like I had discovered some secret that would make my life wonderful. My friends and I did it while snowboarding, going to parties and while having our first experiences clubbing. I justified it by being active, popular and far from that "couch stoner" my parent's generation was talking about. Life was great. When I was 20 I moved to another city to study and got deeper into music production. At this time I was smoking almost daily, but did well in my studies, and had a wonderful time smoking weed and making music in the afternoons/nights. I was really good at it too. I never made a single track without smoking, and it was like a ritual to me. I had a great time, however, I knew that there was something wrong, and if I, for instance, was traveling, and didn't have access to weed I would get anxious and feel down. I knew I was isolating more and more, but the enjoyment I got out of making music and bicycling around parks smoking weed openly was amazing. I get sentimental when thinking about it today :) As all fairy tales do, it must come to an end.

I'm going to continue this post in my own thread because this post will be way too long to post in yours. You can follow my thread here: viewtopic.php?t=106714

Take care

J
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