Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome (PAWS)

Postby Robb1e_g » Wed Feb 07, 2018 6:56 pm

Would love for you all to read as I know many of you are going through the same thing.

Weed was not who I was. I always obligated against it. It was when I broke up with my ex that I started to let loose. While it helped me in so many ways, weed was not one. I was 17 about to be 18 when Peer pressure finally convinced me to just give it a try. Them saying "it's a harmless drug" was the first red flag that I didn't notice. Unfortunately, so many people and general studies of which there really is no good research on it yet despite medical benefits for the ill say that, I've discovered it's quite the opposite. Of course within the next couple months, I became a daily smoker and quickly switched to wax. The THC content was high. Every evening I would use it at a friend's house. I eventually got into partying and get f***ed up and cross faded every weekend, sometimes even during the week. Then came the day I tried LSD. Things started off well, but then quickly turned to my worst nightmare (still freak out thinking about it) after taking some dabs and smoking some bowls. This made it all so much worse. The trip lasted around 16 hours and revolved around a thought loops of death, darkness, murder, suicide, depression, all things I horribly feared. Keep in mind I have no family history of depression and have always been a healthy happy optimistic person throughout my life. After I finally called my mother and she got me home but the horror lasted till 5 am that night (trip lasted about 15 hours for me)

That was the day I quit smoking weed. I assume I smoked for around a year daily. But to my ignorance, there was more to come. (PAWS)

I never really had many cravings for it because I never really had much of an interst to start in the first place. But around 3 days after the whole experience I felt fine and ready to get my life back on track though I was a little shaken up. Then I started having panic attacks. Don't know if it was over the trip or not, but over the month period I experienced PAWS along with the trauma of my trip and it was terrible. constant intrusive thoughts about death, going crazy, losing control, it was awful. I sought therapy and it helped a lot because my anxiety was relentless, but not as much as I thought it would. At this time I didn't know PAWS was a thing. Throughout the first and second month was terrible, experiencing depersonalization and derealization, questioning everything, freaking out over every existential thought there was. I question whether life is worth it though I know I will persevere through this and probably could never do that to myself or hurt anyone like that (I'm a very sensitive and kind person) I'm now over 3 months in, and my god things are much better than the first two months. However smoking 93% THC wax takes a toll on the mind after a year of it. I have been getting very depressive moods, and the thoughts of not living anymore come in a good bit, hard to feel happiness. I know that this is part of PAWS because many other have experienced it. But the existential thinking is much much much more manageable. My biggest obstacles right now are just feeling the stress in my brain when pushing through these low moods constantly and it's hard to keep a positive attitude but I try my best. This whole thing really has an affect on confidence as well. However during this time I've been developing my connection with God and getting into religion which has helped a lot. I exercise as much as possibly can and take supplements like fish oil, vitamin D, magnesium, multivitamins and protein shakes daily. Running helps, praying and meditation helps a lot. It seems like lately these low moods of hopelessness and life not matter come in waves for a day or a few and then I manage to get happier and more easily optimistic about everything for another few days. I think the worst part is not being able to feel grateful for life. I can't wait to get to 5 months because from what I've researched things tend to get a lot better around there for around the time I smoked for. Still not sure if the lsd has any affect on me anymore. Seems as if it's mostly PAWS now. But if it wasn't for this forum I don't know what I'd do as everyone's stories have helped me immensely in my worst moments. If you feel any of the ways I do trust me, it will go away. You just can't give up no matter how bad your mind perceives it and how tangible the thoughts can feel. Time and patience are a must. Exercise and keeping motivated and a healthy diet is a huge help (especially diet). Keeping as positive as possible though as hard as it is pays off in the long run. Because our minds are at a very illogical and irrational state of thinking and you have to have faith that it's not true no matter how true it seems because when you're on the other side, you'll understand and be thankful again. Thanks to all you read and underatand and have helped me in this forum.
Robb1e_g
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#1

Postby Haabefuld » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:32 pm

Nice to hear that you are doing so good, keep up the good work on yourself :D

Yes most people dont know about PAWS, so its great that you made this informative post.

Best wishes from Haabefuld
Haabefuld
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