Mind goes blank and I shake when i get Angry

Postby Connor » Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:12 am

I work at a school. We have an aftercare for primary school kids as well as a playgroup/kindergarden. When I started at the school I was made the head of the aftercare. Later the playgroup teacher left us and I was made the principal of the school. So instead of dealing with one departments complaints, i have to deal with two departments.

The thing is I don't take critic well. I work so hard at doing everything right just to try and avoid complaints. Sometimes its little things and they aren't so bad. Other times the fights are bigger. With these I get very nervous and angry. My mind goes blank and I shake uncontrollably. Yesterday we had to show the one mother something on our camera's. The mother was angry at the school and I was angry with her, because she complains about everything she can think of. I shook so violently that I could barely move the mouse pointer around. Later I had to put my one hand over the other just to get control.

I hate conflict cause i know what it does to my body when I get nervous and angry. How do I stop this? I can't control everything. Stuff will happen which will bring parents to my door and I need to get control of my faculties to deal with them properly.

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Postby Leo Volont » Thu Feb 08, 2018 2:23 pm

Hi Connor,

Yes, I am glad you wrote in. Getting the shakes and becoming flustered is a real Career Stopper for any High Level Administrative Job, especially when there is so much interaction with the Public and a great many Staff. You would probably even have to take occasional criticism from the Board of Education, and they could fire you if they thought you were acting too twitchy. You know, thinking about it, it makes me wonder why it is that the Educational Path into these Administrative Jobs doesn’t come with some kind of a Behavioral Training Requirement – advanced instruction on how to remain calm and unflappable in crisis situations. Of course they say that Unflappability is one of the primary Traits for Leadership, but they leave it up to the individuals to figure out by what kind of transmutating magic that they are supposed to achieve this State of Unflappability. I suppose if they knew how they would have said so. There is definitely the need for such a Line of Instruction. Just think of all the Careers that have been torpedoed because so many Administrators banged on a desk or raised their voice at the wrong time and to the wrong persons. Well, it just so happens you came to the right place and we here know of a relatively easy Trick for remaining calm and imperturbable. So let’s get down to business….

First, Mr. Connor, you are not an Angry man and so I would not suppose you need any therapy besides the simple trick I will teach you. But, yes, while you are not prone to inordinate Anger yourself, you do in fact get ‘triggered’ by people who ARE angry, or critical of you. These ‘trigger’ events make you feel jittery and flustered, and this is because in some primal animal way you feel as though your Territory is being threatened, which is very natural. The Neural Agent that is making you so edgy is Cortisol. Cortisol is a very powerful muscular stimulant, and at the same time Cortisol also directs the Brain’s attention away from the Higher Cognitive Rational Thought Centers to the more kinetic animalistic parts of the Brain, which are the parts of your Brain that you would need for Fight or Flight reactions. The Field of Psychology has had problems in dealing with Cortisol because it is a product of Unconscious, or subconscious, processes from within the central primitive part of the Brain, and there is a few second Time Lag before the Higher Functioning Conscious Awareness becomes cognizant that there is even anything to be nervous, jittery or angry about. But in that few seconds that the Cortisol has already been flowing, the ability of the Cognitive Rational Mind to evert control over the situation is already severely diminished because the Cortisol acts to subvert the High Faculties in favor of the more kinetic capabilities. So you would think that once Cortisol began flowing that it would be theoretically Unstoppable, right? Yes, it was a big Puzzler, for sure! BUT there have been some recent findings which are proving very beneficial for us. It seems that the gland that pumps out Cortisol is very approximate to the Jaw Muscles, and so almost at the very instant that Cortisol starts pumping, THE JAW MUSCLES CLENCH. Now, Connor, pay close attention here… All You Need To Do when you feel your Jaw Muscles Clench, is to simply RELAX YOUR JAWS … Open your Mouth… or do anything that spreads your teeth apart.

You can see on this Forum that I, Leo, am quite an active player here. I tell a lot of people who write in about this Method, and so you might want to take a look and see how I have explained this same thing to others (though with you as an educator, well, I am trying to do my best for you).

But, yes, the Technique works. But, you really need to catch the Clench fast. You can practice. When I first learned of this Technique I thought I could practice by triggering a Cortisol Rush by stabbing my hand with a pin, but I found out that just getting a pin and getting ready to stab my hand would be enough to bring on the Clench. Remember, when you feel the clench, in that same instant unclench. For whatever reason, relaxing the Reflex seems to tell the Cortisol Gland to quit pumping. I would guess that Every Primitive Man knew about this. Just think about how insecure Life must have been out in the open Savannah some 20,000 years ago, with snakes, hyenas, and lions roaming about. But at the same time these people could not go into Full Cortisol Arrest every time they crossed their own shadows… so I would guess they all simply knew that for any False Alarm, they just needed to instantly open their mouths wide… probably grunting out the breathy “Aaaah!”, which you can’t do with your teeth clenched.

If your work environment is demanding enough, you might get plenty of practice just on the job. I have 4 cats and they get into everything, and I don’t like to be bothered because I am studying Math for a second career (in Education… so perhaps you could be my next Boss), and so the Kitties used to provoke me to anger all the time. But that was when I realized that they would be excellent for Practice. I Unclench as soon and I Clench and so the worse that the Kitties get now for being naughty is “You Be Good!” and then I can get right back to work without any nervous twitching.

Anyway, Mr. Connor, please let me know if this “Trick” works for you. I wish you luck. Oh, and if it does work, don’t make a Big Secret of it. This Technique is relatively new to the Field and it would be good if more people knew about it, especially in Education where our children could definitely benefit by strong and Calm role models.
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