Declaring Independence from Marijuana and Alcohol

#15

Postby SFGayMan30s » Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:58 am

Hi friends. I am having a weak moment tonight. I am just thinking of a nice blunt and smoking it, then hanging out with friends.

I know that this is not in my long-term interest.

I thank the University that I am at a work-trip and I can't get it easily.

The commitment continues.
SFGayMan30s
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:32 am
Likes Received: 12


#16

Postby asgoodasitgets » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:36 am

Hello friend...we all have our "weak" moments. Try to just focus on getting through today, if nothing else. You can always re-evaluate your decision tomorrow, when possibly the cravings will have run their course.

I think one of the things that has kept me from smoking (Day 31 today) is knowing that I would feel absolutely guilty about it. I believe that once I decided that I wanted to quit, no matter what, I won't be able to justify it in my head. So in a way lighting up might feel good for a few hours, only to lead to eventual disappointment, dissatisfaction, and remorse. That doesn't stop my body from begging me to light up, but its good to know "the grass isn't always greener." ROFL

I am sending you love and courage to continue your battle and listen to the intellectual reasons you desired to rid yourself of this habit. -Alex
User avatar
asgoodasitgets
Full Member
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:43 pm
Likes Received: 99

#17

Postby EdiBee » Fri Mar 02, 2018 12:07 pm

Yes I know it's not easy. Addiction is a tough thing.

Keep on your independence journey. This past week I was tented too, briefly. My mind was telling me that I wanted to be stone. But sobriety is far better, even if it takes courage some times, when you have been addicted. I am 3 months free of weed, and counting. 1 month alcohol free, as well. I am proud of this change.

Have a nice day guys.
EdiBee
Junior Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:16 am
Likes Received: 11

#18

Postby SFGayMan30s » Sat Mar 03, 2018 6:58 am

Dear Alex and Ed,

MANY thanks for your words of encouragement. I made it through the wave of cravings, and did not smoke. Thank you both for sharing your care and thoughts with me.

I know that we don't know each other, but I can feel the energy of good wishes and support that you projected.

Thanks for being kind fellow human beings.

I was out and about a little bit earlier with friends, and on my walk home I probably rant into at least five people that were smoking pot. In the recent past the smell was enchanting to me. I loved smelling the sweet, penetrating and persistent, herb aroma. Tonight I noticed that my enticement was a bit less than usual. It is definitely still there, but my urge to smoke was not as bad as before.

Now I am off to bed.

I send both of you a big and friendly hug filled with gratitude and good wishes.
SFGayMan30s
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:32 am
Likes Received: 12

#19

Postby EdiBee » Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:47 am

Thanks for your kind words JC. I am sure you are a good man too, by the way you think and write.

I was walking today in downtown and could smell weed. It was somehow enchanting as you said --even if some other days I can find the smell repulsive--. I had to tell to myself that this was part of the "old me". It is something of the past. I have changed now, I'm still changing. It won't be easy, no. The thing, too, is that I am very lonely these days. I dont' see my pot smoking friends anymore, my other friends who don't smoke have all wife and kids, and I don't have a girlfriend, so it's tough. But inside of me, I am happy because I feel free of all these habits. I am discovering every day new feelings, fresh thoughts. Surely spring, which is around the corner, will bring me beautiful rewards for this courage I am showing to myself. I am purifying myself, so to speak. I want to stay in this path, no matter how much it will cost in terms of loneliness. I know I can meet some new and healthy friends, artists and thinkers that are not drug addicts and crazy.

My best wishes to you JC and all you who are reading this.
Ed
EdiBee
Junior Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:16 am
Likes Received: 11

#20

Postby asgoodasitgets » Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:09 am

@ JC -

We don't know each other in the conventional sense, but we do spiritually. Of all the "friends" I have IRL, I truly can't think of one that I can share my real circumstances with. So in all reality, you have provided me more support than many of the people who think they know me. I built a life around weed, so 99.99% of my social network is growers, smokers, users, etc. It's not that they are bad people at all, they just aren't feeling the whole clarity thing at the moment. I don't blame them, attempting to break an addiction is seriously hard work. I spent 15 years smoking weed and preaching the weed gospel, so I'm not about to judge or ostracize anyone for smoking. That said, I'm still early in my journey and I don't really want to feel tempted or made to feel like a moron because people don't understand the psychological addiction of weed.

@ Edibee - I am also lonely these days, like you are. I guess it's the price of progress. I'm not cutting these people out completely. Luckily, I do have a few "good" friends that also smoke. That said, I definitely don't want to cause myself any more unnecessary temptation or pain, so I'm keeping my distance for now until I get to feeling a bit better. For this reason, I'm also going to a MA meeting next week. I'm hoping that I can meet some people who share my desire for a better life. I'm not super social, but I am willing to try almost anything to feel better and build a new network. Furthermore, it will just get my @$$ out of the house, which I have kind of barricaded myself in lately. Can you say recluse?
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Generally the last few days have been emotionally trying. I believe I may be in the post-acute phase. Monday will mark five weeks clean, the longest in over five years, at least. It's weird, I was feeling really good there for a few days and then, WHAM, I got hit with a wave of emotions, mostly disappointment and anger. Not the kind of anger that makes a sportsman punch a referee, more of an overwhelming bitterness and disappointment in life in general. I am still having bizarre dreams, not all bad, not all pleasant...just kind of weird. I am also finding that my body's internal temperature has been short-circuiting, I can be cold one moment and then all of a sudden be sweating...it's lovely.

I have no desire to smoke again. I have wasted enough time/brain cells. I have never been more convinced that weed is absolutely truly addictive. This has been confirmed by the existence of a reddit community I found dedicated to quitting weed. This community has 55,000 + members, holy sh**! That is a lot of people suffering from something that is pretty much marketed as the end-all solution to everything that ails you. The sheer volume of posts and topics dedicated to herb, and withdrawal, speaks volumes in legitimizing the difficulty of quitting weed. If it was easy...why are there 55K people reaching out to strangers on the internet for help? 55K weak people...I don't think so.

Anyways, I just wanted to say what's up to both of you, hi-jack JC's thread :) and graffitti all over it. I'm sure you are used to graffiti though, living in SF. :) Actually, I love SF, I just wanted to give you some friendly sh**! :)

My best to both of you and all the lurkers doing what lurkers do. :) -Alex
User avatar
asgoodasitgets
Full Member
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:43 pm
Likes Received: 99

#21

Postby EdiBee » Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:10 am

@ Alex

Thanks man. MA meetings is a good idea, I'll check it out in my city as well. But as you say, loneliness it's the price of progress at this moment. I am staying away too of people who smoke, not only because I would surely be tempted, but because I find this lifestyle to be a little bit depressing right now. I have lost way too much time smoking and drinking, it's crazy. I am in my late thirties and I want to change this before it's too late.

Cheers,
Ed.
EdiBee
Junior Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:16 am
Likes Received: 11

#22

Postby EdiBee » Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:21 pm

Hey JC how are you man? Still in the sobriety path? It is not easy. I am sober myself but
there are some days when I feel the crave for alcohol and drug but I am not falling there again.
I am so grateful to live this time of freedom, even if it comes with a cost of loneliness. Cheers,
Ed
EdiBee
Junior Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:16 am
Likes Received: 11

#23

Postby asgoodasitgets » Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:45 pm

BUMP... JC I've also been thinking of you! I hope you are doing well, my friend.

Today is Day 47 for me and I am NEVER LOOKING BACK. The clarity, confidence, hope, and strength I have built by facing my own demons is absolutely worth it. And like ED said, it comes at a price. I'm a young man in my 30s as well and I know all my friends are going to be smoking tonight, drinking, drowning their existential angst in a sea of chemicals. Eh, that's fine for them I guess, in a way, I feel sadness for them as opposed to jealousy.

JC you are a good soul, I can tell from your writing. You don't need that sh** in your life. I hope you are well. Ed, likewise my friend. You aren't alone. None of us are. We are in this together.

Love, blessings, hope, redemption. Cheers to the future.

Alex
User avatar
asgoodasitgets
Full Member
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:43 pm
Likes Received: 99

#24

Postby SFGayMan30s » Sun Mar 18, 2018 4:43 am

Hello Alex and Ed,

Thank you for your messages, and thank you both for the good wishes and kind words. Likewise, I am experiencing joy from both of you sharing that you are both on the path of abstaining from using the mind altering substance.

I too report that I am on the path, my friends.

But I can share with you both that it has not been easy for me. These last two weeks I have almost rationalized in my head smoking "one small, joint, just one and because it was a long week." THis is what I was telling myself yesterday at the end of the work day. Thank goodness that some friends and I had made plans to go see "Wrinkle in Time." That took away from me thinking of pot.

This morning I woke up, and I had an urge to journal. I went to my local coffee shop, took my journal, and started writing after being calmed by a delicious americano and a savory cranberry croissant. My thoughts and writing immediately took me to understanding why I felt the need to smoke pot. I quickly glanced at my previous entries, and I started appreciating that there is a common pattern. When I want to smoke is due to me feeling that I want to feel accepted, valued and included. Yeah, it boils down to that. I'm thankful to be able to have these moments with myself, it helps me understand myself better.

I empathize with your feelings of loneliness. This feeling grows as the days pass. I have watched a couple of YouTube videos on loneliness, and one that helped me was by Eckhart Tolle. What I got from these was that there is a difference between being loneliness and solitude. Solitude is being alone, but being okay. I am trying to embrace my solitude, by welcoming it and not running from it. It has been an interesting journey. But I do feel a lot of peace most of the time. For example, this afternoon I walked along the Embarcadero (inner shore of the city) for four miles, bought some ice cream, and sat down for a few minutes by myself watching the ships go by. I got to notice a beautiful rainbow and got to hear lots of seagulls speaking their mind. Would it have been better to have someone there? In some ways yes. But in others, no. There was a serenity about the experience that I enjoyed enormously.

I am so happy to hear that you both, Ed and Alex, are on track. It makes me grateful to be able to share this experience with you both and to have this friend connection/support through the electronic world.

I hope that this blog helps others coming behind us navigate the new world that they are discovering by leaving these chemicals behind.

Please keep updating me on what is working and not working for you guys.

I send a big hug to you both.

JC
SFGayMan30s
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:32 am
Likes Received: 12

#25

Postby exstonerinhell » Sun Mar 18, 2018 6:38 am

Hey, JC, just reading through your writing here and have got to say I truly enjoy your openness and writing style. I'm excited to see how your quit progresses and I'll be checking in. Stay on your path!
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 79

#26

Postby asgoodasitgets » Sun Mar 18, 2018 7:12 am

JC -

I am absolutely delighted to hear that you are staying strong. It sounds like you had an excellent morning of solitude and got to enjoy some of San Fran's amazing views, if I was closer I would have joined you for a walk :) I have friends in San Fran and have really enjoyed visiting from time to time.

I really appreciate you noting the distinction between loneliness and solitude. I also appreciate your introspection as to why you believe you had relied on the herb for so long. If it helps....I accept you and value you. I include you in my thoughts daily and I mean this. The "digital friends" I have developed on this journey have been absolutely instrumental in both my motivation and in shaping my outlook. Your experiences, insights, struggles, and victories are mine as well. We are all connected in this crazy cycle of addiction. When I hear from another addict it's as if I'm hearing from myself. Just knowing I am not alone in my desire to break the chains of addiction brings warmth and hope to my heart. It boosts my self-esteem and builds strength so that I may conquer tomorrow. :)

I believe this blog will and is helping others. There has been a lot of activity here tonight. It will also serve as a historical landmark for me in the future should I ever convince myself that I can go back to weed moderately. I can't. Some people can and that's OK. I feel like I am more realistic with myself in terms of my weaknesses, and ironically, knowing this makes me stronger.

I'm not sure if I told you this, but this whole quitting journey all started with a question I asked myself. It was late January and I started thinking ahead to my mid-February birthday. I thought about the idea of "the perfect gift" and what I would want if I could have anything in the world. My answer came quickly and kind of shocked me. Confidence, hope, self-respect, love, and a whole plethora of other benefits. I knew the best route to these desires would be through sobriety, by tackling my biggest fear and vice: a 15 year serious THC addiction. Well, here I am 47 days later, starting to lose track of the days because they are getting better and better. No, my life is not where I want it to be but I am now in a better position to improve it. I am more confident, articulate, empathetic and hopeful. In a way, I feel like a kid again, naive in a good way....viewing the world without cynicism and believing I can truly do anything. There are definitely ups and downs, but the general overall trend is up and I am so absolutely thankful for the opportunity to discard this disgusting chemical exoskeleton and replace it with just me.

It's late here, so I'm gonna end this novel. Glad to hear from you. Don't give up the fight, you are a warrior and your words make a solid impact in so many lives, I am positive.

@ Exstonerinhell

- It's good to see you posting so much around here and I am so happy you have joined the party :) Thanks for the motivation and the kind words, not just in my thread but in every thread you have posted on. I look forward to corresponding with you more in the future.
User avatar
asgoodasitgets
Full Member
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:43 pm
Likes Received: 99

#27

Postby EdiBee » Sun Mar 18, 2018 2:19 pm

Good morning guys.

Thanks Alex for your kind words. Indeed, this forum has helped me a lot because I feel that we are a lot of people living this situation, and we are all trying to be the best person we can by being free of addictions and gaining freedom. This is wonderful to say the least and it gives us motivation to continue in this path.

JC, I am glad you are doing well, and happy you could go through the tentation of "just one small joint". That would not be a good idea I think! From what I have read from others - and lived myself when, years ago, I had quit weed for some time and started again -, the vicious beat of life starts to unravel pretty quickly when we go for only "one joint". I signed this contract with myself and I am staying faithful to it. I am not going back to my old druggy, lost self. At least, all those "lost" years of partying lead me to this feeling of freedom that I am experiencing right now, the feeling of savouring life for what it is truly.

I liked the difference you pointed out between solitude and loneliness. I appreciate, too, the talks from E. Tolle, which are very inspiring. Here where I live it is very cold presently so it must be great to walk under the San Francisco sunshine! But generally speaking, even if I am alone most of time, I am at ease with this new life, discovering old sensations and feelings that had been buried and unburying the old "me", the true one, so to speak, healthy and positive. One thing I appreciate the most of this journey is to be more open socially, less neurotic, seeing things and other people without crazy filters. For instance, yesterday an old friend reached me out to go have some drinks for the St.Patrick and I was able to drink beer without alcohol and seeing my friend getting drunk slowly but surely, and I was happy to feel that I had enjoyed my night even more than if I had drink and smoke. I came back half an hour past midnight and woke up fresh this morning, ready to do my studying and other tasks.

Have a great day JC, Alex and all others who are in this forum!
Ed
EdiBee
Junior Member
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:16 am
Likes Received: 11

#28

Postby SFGayMan30s » Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:08 pm

Greetings friends,

Just thought that I would give an update on my journey.

Today marks 73 days without drinking and 62 days without smoking pot! :D

Giving up alcohol has been the beast for which it has been easier for me to control. I get cravings for a glass of red wine every now and then, but other than that, it has been relatively manageable to not drink.

However, the marijuana part has been appreciably more challenging. To this day, I have to have "self-check" moments in which I find myself thinking that one joint would be okay... and so on. I must credit this forum for having helped me in my journey. I don't want to let myself down and I also don't want to let my virtual friends on here (including Ed and Alex) down. So the journey continues.

The loneliness is still there, but it is a bit more manageable. Not really sure how to describe it, except that there is a certain feeling of calmness, peace and acceptance of my condition that has emerge within me lately. So that's good.

This past week I met a man from an on-line app. We have gone on a couple of dates, and he too does not drink or do any drugs. He has been doing this since he was 16, and now is in his early 30s. He had some very raw and adverse personal experiences with chemical addiction in his family, and he swore these chemical off when he was 16. It has been very refreshing to go out with someone else and not have at least one of us drink or smoke. In the last 10 years I think that this is the first time me experiencing this. I must say that it has been delightful. This guy may be around for a little bit or for a long time, but nevertheless it has been a great experience to relate and form a connection without the confounding presence of alcohol and/or pot.

So the journey continues...

I send you all blessings and love. Be kind to yourselves and to each other. xo

JC
SFGayMan30s
New Member
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:32 am
Likes Received: 12

#29

Postby asgoodasitgets » Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:11 pm

JC - I'm so happy to hear you are doing well my friend I'll shoot you a longer reply here shortly when I'm not on my phone but know that you've been on my mind and it thrills me to know that you're doing well
User avatar
asgoodasitgets
Full Member
 
Posts: 116
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:43 pm
Likes Received: 99


PreviousNext

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions