Sexual abuse

Postby Freeckycake » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:13 pm

Hello Everyone hope you all having a good day
I need a help on something just any idea will be appreciated
What can i do to someone who was abused sexually by a familly member in the past and now keeps dreaming about it in the present everyday. is there any help to reduce to pain just a bit or relief the person ? ps : the person already went to the psy but it didn't help at all....
Any help please will be appreciated :)
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 12, 2018 8:57 pm

Absolutely you can help reduce pain, but it is largely dictated by who this someone is to you, by what role you play in their life. Like you pointed out, they went to a person that has provided the role of therapist/psychologist. That is not your role.

If you are a boss, relative, sibling, spouse, priest, coworker, aquaintance, distant friend, good friend, etc. etc. the role you play in the relationship dictates how you help.

What is your role?
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Postby forestcritter » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:45 pm

I have personal experience with this, as my late dad was sexually abused by a family member when he was a little boy. He had severe PTSD from this and a bunch of other residual psychological problems. That said he was a very kind man and a great dad, but his suffering took a toll on me and my mom.

The mistake I made growing up with him was investing all of my happiness in how well he was doing. If he was doing okay then I thought I was doing good at making him happy and if he wasn't then I wasn't doing all I could and I beat myself up about it.

In hindsight I realized that I should have never put so much of myself into how he was doing, as it just made me miserable, and that was not what he wanted for me. I should have focused on doing me, and making myself happy, and in turn this would have been the best thing I could have done for him.

In short -- offer your support, but don't get roped into being an enabler for this person or a constant crutch as that is not what they need. They need to learn how to recapture their own happiness and learn how to live again. That's something a therapist can help with. You can only be a friend/relative in the way any other friend or relative would be, or whatever your relationship is, and you need to make sure you take care of yourself first.
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