PAWS->recovery->weed->PAWS nr2->hopefully recovery again

Postby LeonhardEuler » Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:11 pm

Hey guys,
this is my first post on this forum but i am following the mj paws discussion for some months now and you guys have been the greatest help in my process of recovery. I now want to share my story with paws and hope to help other people struggling with the aftermaths of withdrawal. First of all I am not from us/uk so pls don’t judge my english grammar ;).
I am now in my late 20s and smoked more or less daily for about 7 years. I did not smoke 24/7, usually in the evening during weekdays and a lot on weekends. My average consumption was about 0.5-1gr a day. The first time I stopped smoking weed was about 1.5 years ago. I felt increased anxiety, numbness and chronic pharyngitis a couple of months before deciding to quit for good. At first everything was smooth, I didn’t have any symptoms for the first month and thought, “hey that was easy”. Then one night I went to bed and a major wave of depression kicked in. I was lying in my bed, crying, and thought about suicide. The next day I woke up, already had what I now know was derealization and went to work. I did the mistake of counteracting the numbness with a lot of coffee. This triggered my first panic attack. My whole world has changed after this. From this day I had anxiety, extreme restlessness (my biggest issue), dizziness and dp/dr. The dizziness was so bad that I couldn’t take the elevator at my office for weeks. I always felt like falling from a cliff. I thought of suicide multiple times and without the help of my gf I am pretty sure things would have gone bad. Things got better slowly. I stopped drinking, smoking cigarettes (I always mixed my herb with tobacco) and tried to exercise as much as possible. After 6 months I was back to normal, happy, no dp and anxiety. Perfectly restored.
I have never heard of paws at that point and still didn’t believe that weed withdrawal triggered this hell. Stupid as I was I started smoking again after 3 months of being fine. A couple of weeks later another panic attack kicked in while smoking a joint. I couldn’t believe it. That night I drank a lot just to forget about the horrible state I was in (again!) and took some mdma later that night. The worst decision of my life so far. This time all the symptoms where way worse. I had severe depression for months, anxiety was through the roof and I could not function without benzos for 3-4months. This time the symptoms didn’t vanish after 6 months, actually, it didn’t even get better by then. The only thing that was better than with my first episode is that dr/dp was not present most of the time. I am now at 9 months and slowly feeling better. I realized that the occasional alcohol binge on weekends (to get out of my miserable state for a couple of hours) kills all the progress and stopped that. Is still can’t drink caffeine, coke or green tea. Every time I have a sip, anxiety gets way worse. But overall dp is gone, anxiety is at a bearable level, waves of depression occur like 1 day a week and the restlessness is better.
I hope my story encourages everybody to not touch weed again after full recovery. I felt so sure that I can’t go back to that state and within a second, everything was upside down again. Recovery now is so much more exhausting. I also have to add that I worked full time all the time. I work as a quant in investment banking with a lot of stress and long working days and called in sick only 3 days after the very first panic attack. Being at work was hell most of the time, still is on some days, but I am sure that it helps to cope with anxiety. I was tempted to try antidepressants multiple times but resisted so far. I really hope to improve further without them.
I took a lot of supplements during the revory but not sure if anything really helped. I tried vitamins, fish oil, magnesium, htp-5, cbd, theanine, hypericum, valerian and many other things. Theanine works quite well for my restlessness, which is still my biggest issue, but only if I dose it high (0.5-1gr). What helped me the most was enjoyable social contacts, no alcohol binges, no drugs, no caffeine, less sugar, yoga, exercise and especially sauna 3-4x a week.
Anyway, what I learned is that your brain will improve over time. It will take its time but we will all be back to normal at one point in time. Perfectly healthy and happy. I wish everybody good luck and maybe my story will help somebody out there to not make the same mistakes.

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Postby EdiBee » Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:55 pm

Good story. Thanks man.
Indeed, I am not planning to relapse.
Keep on your healthy recovery.
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Postby neuroplastic » Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:25 pm

What a journey ! And what a lesson... You've gone a long way. Thank you for sharing it, I'm sure it will prevent many relapses. Can really identify to your second recovery... mdma and weed induced panic attack made me quit for good, I knew from day 0 that drugs would be a no-go for the rest of my life. I'm 4 months in, still a very hard time with anxiety and discomfort, but I can feel some good sensations coming back from time to time. The company of good friends is perhaps the best antidepressant I've found so far.
Good luck with your recovery !
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Postby LeonhardEuler » Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:42 pm

thanks a lot for the heads up!

i know that i have a long way to go. a will start a new job soon and before i will take a couple of months off to relaxe and further improve. hope to be close to normal again in 6 months. interesting that you had a similar experience. i saw other people go crazy on weed + mdma as well. it is a tempting combination but it really messes with your brain. i will for sure never touch one of those (or other) drugs again. an occasional beer or two and thats it. love my new sober life despite all the struggle i had and currently having. its worth all the effort. i should have never chosen to go down the path of drug abuse.
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Postby Wave » Tue Feb 20, 2018 10:21 pm

LeonhardEuler wrote:i know that i have a long way to go. a will start a new job soon and before i will take a couple of months off to relaxe and further improve. hope to be close to normal again in 6 months.

Good job so far, sounds like an ideal time to do this quit. Having some time off in the first 6 months is great so use that as extra motivation to make this change.
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Postby Cthompson21 » Sat Sep 08, 2018 4:53 pm

I see you haven the been on here for a while but just wondering if you see this...have you gotten any better since February?
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