My quit Journal

#30

Postby exstonerinhell » Sun Mar 18, 2018 9:07 am

Talked to my little brother who has quit smoking weed for the past couple months, showing no sign of PAWS. Told him not to pick it up again, told him what I'm going through. Not 100% he believes me but had to do it. Have another little brother and a little sister to talk to about that. This sh** is not worth it, nor is smoking the rest of your life to stave off withdrawals.
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#31

Postby exstonerinhell » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:28 pm

Man, feeling completely depressed today. It's brutal how this stuff can change from day to day like this, yesterday wasn't great, none of these days have been really, but I had some positivity and a general 'comfortable' outlook. Today my DR is bad, and I'm just feeling hopeless about this whole thing. It's times like these that I have to hang onto the hope of the good days I've had and realise those will become more and more frequent as time goes on, I just need time to do its thing, be patient, do my best and have faith that I will be happy again. Not a numbed out, ignoring my life kind of happy, but one that isn't in this horrible state I'm in now.
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#32

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue Mar 20, 2018 12:20 am

Have been having issues with my feet getting itchy and it's out of control. Not responding to Lotrimin so I don't think it's athlete's foot. Took some hydroxyzine last night, slept pretty good but feel hungover as sh** right now. Don't know what's going on but I don't feel completely awful today, have a bad feeling that the antagonist effects of the hydroxyzine might be setting me back, I don't know though. Don't know what's happening to me really, so it's all a crapshoot anyway. Anyone have any experience taking benadryl during withdrawals, do you feel like it set you back?
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#33

Postby Coldturkey2018 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:17 am

I was told you shouldn’t take any cough medicine while going through the detox period because it’s just gonna make you drowsy and not even help with any symptoms you’re having really.
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#34

Postby Marcster44 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 7:44 am

I take 50 mg benadryl every night to sleep. I feel a lol groggy in the morning sometimes. But its worth the sleep for me. I've planned on taking it for at least my first year of staying sober. Works better for me than any prescription sleeping pill also.
I got 7 months sober and trust me man things get better. Just practice patience and keeping yourself occupied with things that are uplifting. That's what helps me man. You'll get thru the b.s soon enough and you'll be glad when you get there.
Maybe you gotta go thru a bit of hell to remind you why you wanna never get back on the stuff....(cuz its long way to get back to normality) at least that seems to be my experience. Just work on getting a good routine and keep trudging thru brotha. You got this. Peace n love bra
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#35

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue Mar 20, 2018 8:14 am

Marcster44 wrote:I take 50 mg benadryl every night to sleep. I feel a lol groggy in the morning sometimes. But its worth the sleep for me. I've planned on taking it for at least my first year of staying sober. Works better for me than any prescription sleeping pill also.
I got 7 months sober and trust me man things get better. Just practice patience and keeping yourself occupied with things that are uplifting. That's what helps me man. You'll get thru the b.s soon enough and you'll be glad when you get there.
Maybe you gotta go thru a bit of hell to remind you why you wanna never get back on the stuff....(cuz its long way to get back to normality) at least that seems to be my experience. Just work on getting a good routine and keep trudging thru brotha. You got this. Peace n love bra


Thanks, man. I'm living in groundhogs day it feels like. Worried I'll never get better, but that seems to be a common theme among us new quitters. I just worry about how long I've been puffing and how strong the sh** is I've been puffing for at least the past 5-6 years. Everything looks like I'm looking through a goddamn coke bottle, depression, anxiety like I've never experienced and a total lack of pleasure for ANYTHING. Just evil, evil, sh**.

Anyway, man, thanks for your encouragement. I'm trying not to be such a spaz about this and not be so symptom focused but I never in a million years would have thought it'd be like this.
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#36

Postby tokes » Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:11 am

Symptoms that have surfaced after quitting:
Sweating hands and feet (CHECK)
Foul smelling gas all the time (no)
Get 'flu-like' chills (super fun with the sweating hands and feet) (CHECK)
Anxiety (insane anxiety that I've never experienced) (at times)
Depression (same) (no)
Emotionless / Emotional (sometimes I feel nothing, other times I just can't stop crying)
Ringing in my ears (CHECK)
Heart palps (CHECK)
DP/DR (constant) (no)
Anhedonia (take no pleasure in ANYTHING) (to an extent)
No motivation (no)

Its funny how close your symptoms are to mine. It strange I have been on this forum for almost 4 years and the symptoms are changing. People use to get more of the DP/DR, depression, suicidal thing but now people are exhibiting more physical symptoms such as ringing ears, sweating and flu like chill symptoms. Ive said this before but these strains are getting stronger. These symptoms almost mimic someone coming off narcotics or stimulant. The THC % is reaching new levels that is unseen before. The human body hasn't had enough time to get use to this new type of plant which is why we are seeing more of these severe symptoms. I'm not a doctor but it just seems to be my general observation from personal experience and through reading the forums.

My sister smoked for a long time and developed an insane allergy to almost anything green. Alot of vegetables and greens contain a little protein weed has and my sister become violently allergic to it. Her throat would close and up and her skin would appear in rashes and she would need to take an EPI pen with her everywhere. She stop smoking for 2 years now and now the allergy has completely gone and she can eat whatever she likes. Insane.

Anyway, just know that all this sh** is temporary. That is the Mantra. Nothing is permanent. I am on my second quit day 20 after having a sh1tty panic attack that felt like my heart was going to explode. The symptoms are ok for me this time around as i know what to expect. This will drag you down through the dirt but you'll come out the other side better than before and a new man. Keep going and good luck!

Peace
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#37

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:25 am

@Tokes

Yeah, man, I think we're going to see a lot of people going through some real sh** here with these strains peaking at 30% or more. I mean I was always going for the highest % I could find and really, REALLY think I messed my sh** up bad. I get some strength from reading other people's past success stories, but then realise a lot of them are from years and years ago where the % of THC was nothing like I was dumping into my sh**. Of course a lot of them were heavy hash users too which I never did a ton of.

Anyway, praying that I have the strength to make it through this and I don't end up like a few people who are years out with tons of problems still. sh** is scary, man, I'm FREAKED out by what I'm going through. You keep going too man, and good luck to you too!
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#38

Postby exstonerinhell » Wed Mar 21, 2018 12:29 am

Another day closer to healing. Am not horrible today, no anxiety to speak of just this malaise of depression and some hopelessness. Trying to keep hopeful, but this long road ahead of me is extremely daunting. I can't go back to the way I was, the weed completely turned on me so I'm in it for the long haul and hoping for the best. Just struggling through this, know I should be exercising, know I should be taking positive steps but I just am sitting here reading past posts of people in similar situations to mine, just trying to figure out how they did it... how did they get through. Don't think it's all that great for my recovery right now, but hoping to get some inspiration.

Rough ride.
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#39

Postby Nomoreweed123 » Wed Mar 21, 2018 1:21 am

Hang in there bro. It will all pass. Im feeling much better after 2 months allready. My criteria for better is really low atm tho xD. I stll have every day ringing ears and disorted vision and anxiety spikes every few days. But not like first 45-50 days. I smoked for 3 years. Last 2 in wake and bake mode. I was smoking a joint while waiting for morning coffee to cook and then another with a coffee so you see where this is going. I also had litteraly every possible symptom till recently. I was 100% sure that my brain was completely fried. I havent cried last 10 years before this and in withdrawal i cried like a baby 10 times a day, terrible anexity attacks, dp,dr, muscle spasms, not serious suicidal thoughts, but was close to it. I was afraid to stay on a balcony cause i thought i can lose control and jump so i was all closed up in my apartment so i have time to get control back before i can make the jump. Like i used heroinmy whole life, not weed for a few years. But it is behind me now. This GMO weed is f***ed up indeed. But it will all be over soon.
One very important advice from best psyc in my city is dont force yourself to do things that you dont feel like doing. If u are having a really bad day just stay home and chill (you arent really gonna chill, but you know). Give it time it will all pass.
P.s. sorry for terrible english, hope u understand me
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#40

Postby exstonerinhell » Wed Mar 21, 2018 2:03 am

Nomoreweed123 wrote:Hang in there bro. It will all pass. Im feeling much better after 2 months allready. My criteria for better is really low atm tho xD. I stll have every day ringing ears and disorted vision and anxiety spikes every few days. But not like first 45-50 days. I smoked for 3 years. Last 2 in wake and bake mode. I was smoking a joint while waiting for morning coffee to cook and then another with a coffee so you see where this is going. I also had litteraly every possible symptom till recently. I was 100% sure that my brain was completely fried. I havent cried last 10 years before this and in withdrawal i cried like a baby 10 times a day, terrible anexity attacks, dp,dr, muscle spasms, not serious suicidal thoughts, but was close to it. I was afraid to stay on a balcony cause i thought i can lose control and jump so i was all closed up in my apartment so i have time to get control back before i can make the jump. Like i used heroinmy whole life, not weed for a few years. But it is behind me now. This GMO weed is f***ed up indeed. But it will all be over soon.
One very important advice from best psyc in my city is dont force yourself to do things that you dont feel like doing. If u are having a really bad day just stay home and chill (you arent really gonna chill, but you know). Give it time it will all pass.
P.s. sorry for terrible english, hope u understand me


Thanks so much for the encouragement man, your english is totally understandable. I appreciate your support. Best of luck to you too, man, we'll make it through this sh**.
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#41

Postby exstonerinhell » Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:45 pm

Alright, well I've decided to only update this when I have good things to say about my recovery. I'm tired of looking back at myself being miserable, I'm going to be miserable for some time while I get through this, so if I'm going to read my stuff I'd rather it be positive things only then a reminder of my suffering.

Bagobones, Transformer, and cleanofgreen have all given me good advice and reading through a lot of successful quitters (who have gone back to normal lives without weed) I've come to realise their own posts aren't fatalistic and as complaining as mine have been. You guys have been a huge inspiration to me, and considering I've felt very little inspiration throughout this that's saying a lot. I won't always feel positive throughout this, but when I do that's when I'm going to post.

Feeling okay today, low grade anxiety is there but depression isn't so bad at all. As the day progresses I'm going to try to get some sh** done like get my room cleaned. I've spent a lot of time in here isolating and the state of things really shows that. I'm going to start making small steps towards improving my situtation, and get through this.

Time and patience, distract, and persevere.
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#42

Postby reckoning » Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:42 pm

You're doing great there exstonerinhell. You are figuring out how others did it, so you're doing more than just reading posts, and now you've decided to give it a go too. I agree that giving focus to the some positive stuff really helps you to get a whole picture of what is going on with this tough gig of reclaiming your life that you are on. Just remember we are all here when the going does get tough, this is a safe space to say so and get the understanding that you need . It is that very act of being understood which helps us all move on. We know what it feels like when those PAWS coming bounding after you. Keep going. I was cheering to read your last post. I'm back from my camping trip and so pleased to be back on line with you all. cheers Liz
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#43

Postby exstonerinhell » Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:52 pm

reckoning wrote:You're doing great there exstonerinhell. You are figuring out how others did it, so you're doing more than just reading posts, and now you've decided to give it a go too. I agree that giving focus to the some positive stuff really helps you to get a whole picture of what is going on with this tough gig of reclaiming your life that you are on. Just remember we are all here when the going does get tough, this is a safe space to say so and get the understanding that you need . It is that very act of being understood which helps us all move on. We know what it feels like when those PAWS coming bounding after you. Keep going. I was cheering to read your last post. I'm back from my camping trip and so pleased to be back on line with you all. cheers Liz


Thank you so much for your kind words and support, Liz. I'm so glad you're back, and hope you had a great trip, will be checking on your journal when you update it! I always look forward to reading what you have to say, I truly enjoy your perspective on this journey we've found ourselves on! We'll get to the other side of this!
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#44

Postby exstonerinhell » Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:04 pm

Had a great day with the girlfriend. Got a massage, went out to eat, spent some time in a park under the sun. Did I feel like a space alien? You BET I did, but despite that have had the best day since all this started. Hope to have many more good days going forward, this crap isn't going to keep me down.

Sometimes it might win a round, but today I won this one and that's a start.
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