My quit Journal

#75

Postby natmar89 » Tue Apr 24, 2018 2:47 am

Hey Exist,

I'm feeling ridiculously down too, can't say more than that because I have a pounding head ache on top of it. Stay strong. - natmar89
natmar89
Junior Member
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2018 1:41 pm
Likes Received: 6


#76

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue Apr 24, 2018 3:34 am

natmar89 wrote:Hey Exist,

I'm feeling ridiculously down too, can't say more than that because I have a pounding head ache on top of it. Stay strong. - natmar89


I've had a damn headache all day too, so at least misery loves company and all that. You stay strong too!!
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#77

Postby exstonerinhell » Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:36 am

Second MA meeting tonight, I find them to be extremely helpful right now, also do a lot to pull me out of my depression for a while. I'd suggest anyone who can try to attend one near you.
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#78

Postby George from UK » Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:19 pm

exstonerinhell wrote:Second MA meeting tonight, I find them to be extremely helpful right now, also do a lot to pull me out of my depression for a while. I'd suggest anyone who can try to attend one near you.



Let us know how the meeting goes. I'm gonna join a 12 step program too

George
George from UK
Full Member
 
Posts: 154
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 7:24 pm
Likes Received: 69

#79

Postby Bagobones » Sun Apr 29, 2018 11:18 pm

exstonerinhell wrote:Second MA meeting tonight, I find them to be extremely helpful right now, also do a lot to pull me out of my depression for a while. I'd suggest anyone who can try to attend one near you.


Very good choice dude. Very nice to hear. Socialising is good. And that group to socialise with must be very good for you..

You mentioned CBT to me. Yes I do approve and do it myself. Or I am a victim of my shrinks CBT experiments. :) Its good apps too that you can try. MoodKit is one I have used. headspace is another.

So get ready to learn appreciation... Make a list of all things you appreciate. hehe...
Bagobones
Full Member
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:14 pm
Likes Received: 103

#80

Postby exstonerinhell » Mon Apr 30, 2018 1:39 am

George from UK wrote:
exstonerinhell wrote:Second MA meeting tonight, I find them to be extremely helpful right now, also do a lot to pull me out of my depression for a while. I'd suggest anyone who can try to attend one near you.



Let us know how the meeting goes. I'm gonna join a 12 step program too

George


I do enjoy the meetings, have only been to three (my third was tonight) but it's nice being around folks who can really understand what we're going through. Hope you find your own meetings are similar in how helpful they can be!
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#81

Postby exstonerinhell » Mon Apr 30, 2018 1:40 am

Bagobones wrote:
exstonerinhell wrote:Second MA meeting tonight, I find them to be extremely helpful right now, also do a lot to pull me out of my depression for a while. I'd suggest anyone who can try to attend one near you.


Very good choice dude. Very nice to hear. Socialising is good. And that group to socialise with must be very good for you..

You mentioned CBT to me. Yes I do approve and do it myself. Or I am a victim of my shrinks CBT experiments. :) Its good apps too that you can try. MoodKit is one I have used. headspace is another.

So get ready to learn appreciation... Make a list of all things you appreciate. hehe...


Haha, thanks man. I need to learn appreciation beyond just a loaded pipe! Always appreciate your insight!
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#82

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue May 08, 2018 5:13 am

Still going strong, had a stretch of good days from 4/28 to 5/3 and that was a relief. Back in the doldrums right now, but pushing on. Missed an MA meeting that I meant to go to and that sort of kicked off these past couple of shitty days. Have a meeting tomorrow, though. They do help, having a fellowship of quitters with you in the real world (and here on the boards) is super helpful.

Stay strong everyone.
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#83

Postby reckoning » Tue May 08, 2018 7:49 am

Keep going exstonerinhell. Congrats on being able to see the good days. This matters so much. Great that you can keep pushing on too even when you don't feel like it. That's great. Have a good next meeting. cheers Liz
reckoning
Junior Member
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:47 pm
Likes Received: 59

#84

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue May 08, 2018 10:36 am

Thanks, Liz! Slow and steady, I can't say that I haven't seen any improvement, because I definitely have. It's the stoner in me always looking for instant gratification, though, and I want to be free of this PAWS nightmare NOW. But it's not going to happen like that. I know it will, but it won't be tomorrow.

Here's to the good AND bad days we have ahead of us, may the former get longer, the latter shorter until we're free.

Cheers!
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#85

Postby Bagobones » Tue May 08, 2018 3:06 pm

exstonerinhell wrote:It's the stoner in me always looking for instant gratification,


Go for delayed gratification! The high from that is endlessly more satisfactory than NOW! Its even scientifically proven. Read this! :)

This is what delayed gratification looks like! hehe. Jonny Drama knows... :D

Its really good reading your having good days now. Perfectly timed for the summer!
Bagobones
Full Member
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:14 pm
Likes Received: 103

#86

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue May 15, 2018 11:13 pm

Checking in, 5ish months into my quit. Haven't had any real good days lately but can say for sure things are better than in the first 1-3 months. 4-5 have been more or less the same so far, some few good days, but mostly hard days.

I'm isolating less, have begun volunteering at a nearby Mental Health Drop-In Center, no pay but I get free lunches. 8) Still going to MA meetings, have befriended a few very nice people and I look forward to my meetings very much. Have a meeting with a therapist tomorrow, going to start some talk therapy to help me.

Where I'm at with my first symptom list:
Sweating hands and feet - This has gone away completely at this point.
Foul smelling gas all the time - This has gotten better, but my guts are still a little wonky. From what I understand the endocannabinoid system plays a pretty important role in your GIs. Better though.
Get 'flu-like' chills - This has completely gone away.
Anxiety (insane anxiety that I've never experienced) - Been having a bit of a resurgence lately, nothing like the first couple months, but morning's are pretty rough. Endofdelta9 put it best, it's like a motor running in my solar plexus.
Depression (same) - This has become the worst part for me, but I'm doing what I can to push past it. It's pretty brutal at times, though.
Emotionless / Emotional - I don't find myself emotionless anymore, don't have many positive 'happy' feelings, but I can be content at times and can muster some excitement from time to time. I do get pretty emotional when things are bad and do still have crying spells.
Ringing in my ears - This has improved to the point where it doesn't happen often at all, and when it does it's only for a few seconds.
Heart palps - Pretty much cleared up so far.
DP/DR (constant) - This has shown much improvement, thank God, this stuff was really scary to me. No DP at all, some light DR from time to time, but not a problem like it was the first few months.
Anhedonia - A work in progress still, I can do some things, don't take much pleasure in them, but it's easier to distract myself now with certain activities.
No motivation - Work in progress, still can be pretty bad.
Restlessness - Much improved to the point where I don't really have this anymore like in the first months
Can't relate to people, feel like I'm existing in the world through a fog. - Getting better and better, still feel like I have a me-mask on sometimes but don't feel so disconnected from everyone close to me as I did in the beginning of this nightmare.
Insane dreams - Still dream every night, sometimes very vivid dreams, other times I can't recall them past the morning. I prefer the latter. I don't have 'bad' dreams but they can be pretty weird sometimes.

So, yeah, hanging in there. Things are still pretty miserable, but not the total nightmare of month 1-3. Looking back I can see the progress I'm making. Of course, like all of us, I'd like it to be much faster but I was a heavy, HEAVY smoker for over 2 decades so I know the PAWS bill is going to be steep.

Working towards making myself do things beyond having no motivation to do them, exercising more, and isolating less. Baby steps to the finish line.

Bless everyone in their struggles, bless you guys on the other side who are still around checking in on us.
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#87

Postby exstonerinhell » Tue May 15, 2018 11:19 pm

MA does phone meetings so if anyone who doesn't have access to land meetings where they're from need some support, I find them to be helpful.

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/meetings/phone-meetings
exstonerinhell
Full Member
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:24 pm
Likes Received: 71

#88

Postby Foggy Noggin » Wed May 16, 2018 3:03 am

Great posts. Glad you are seeing the progress, however painstakingly slow. I think how you are detailing and monitoring your progress is a great idea and a great example for others. More than just a journal, it's like your dashboard to recovery. Being self aware is so important through all this. Sounds like we are on the same repayment plan, but you are a couple months ahead of me. Keep on keepin' on!
Foggy Noggin
Junior Member
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:16 pm
Likes Received: 23

#89

Postby reckoning » Sun Jun 24, 2018 10:05 am

Hey exstonerinhell, sounds like you are hanging in there despite the going getting tough and now easing off a bit. It's a tough road alright. I don't crave the sh** anymore at all. So prefer to be straight but I am having a hell of a time sorting out my own depressive stuff too. I'm almost six months in but I have some real weepy days. I've come of my anti depressants but not sure if this is the right thing for me. It seems to enable me to get to some core issues but hell I cry a lot and need a lot of alone time and still have doubts about what my life will look like when I actually sort out everything from leaving my relationship, a necessary part of the quit. I've had some amazing encounters with the kindness of people recently. At this point 6 months in it seems to be more about sorting out the thinking and feeling stuff for me. Doing the best I can and very very happy to be on this path. Hope u are doing Ok too. Cheers Liz
reckoning
Junior Member
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:47 pm
Likes Received: 59


PreviousNext

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions