Day 81 - my journey

Postby dirtySanchez » Wed Mar 21, 2018 7:38 pm

First I would like to say hi to everybody.

Reason for starting this topic is to share my experience since I already read everything here on this forum twice. A lot of inspiration and great stories which made me help to understand what am I going through. It would really make me happy if I can inspire others too.

Here it goes… a brief story of my life till this day.

I have been smoking weed & cigarettes for more than 10 years. Started at 15 years (26 now). My everyday weed smoking started around 18years old.

Why did I start in the first place? Don't know really. Probably because all of the friends did. Remembering my first experience - weed made verything super funny, I was literally laughing on the floor just watching at my friends.

In middle school, I thought that weed made me somehow "cool" (looking back then I was just pothead). I really did not enjoy being high among people but I did it anyway.

At around 17y started going to rave parties. This is the time I tried other drugs - ecstasy and amphetamines. My rave experience was going on for about around 6 months. Don't remember why that ended but gladly it did. Idk why but I saw those “party people” as my idols. Heh… :roll:

At 18y I was smoking every day. My friends were all stoners but somehow I started to prefer to smoke alone. This is the time I worked in a nightclub as the bartender & also got my first really hot girlfriend. Not to mention that I successfully completed high school, got my driver license. Life was really awesome!

18 - 20 WEED, WEED, WEED. I was working as the bartender at different locations, made enough money to buy weed to smoke all day, everyday.
Lookin back - this is the time I got in the downwards spiral.

At 21 I cheated on my girlfriend, being drunk. That made me felt very guilty and was thinking about it (and also catching STD) 24/7. This is the point where I fell into depression. After half of the year girlfriend broke up with me since I became "strange".

I started smoking more and more to numb myself from all these emotions going through me.

I was just TOTAL MESS. Doing hard drugs from time to time, not being able to get my life into control. Smoking weed every day of course but saying it is also the last time, EVERY NIGHT. I will start new life tomorrow, this is the last joint… again, again and again. For the 3 years.
At 24, this is the time when my mother died, I also crashed my car, got left by new girlfriend and stole some money from a good friend being drunk (I can't believe till this day I did this). The only good thing is that thought the years I have read a couple books about self-development and spirituality - I saw that there is an opportunity to get better in all areas of life but never made any action.

Everything felt apart. I really started to understand why people commit suicide. The pain inside is just too strong. I started to had some thoughts to end all of this.

But…

The girl who broke up with me 6 months earlier somehow did want to come back. This is where I started to appreciate her in my life. Also, I gained some money which would make me not to worry about working for a year.

Came to the conclusion that all the bad things in my life came from alcohol and smoking too much weed. I have got this opportunity of the life time to make change.

For the next year, I decided to smoke way less. Example: I had the same quantity for 7 days - which would I smoke in 1 day before that.

At 25 I launched some online business ideas. They all failed but looking back I learned a lot.
It was an awesome year. Started to hit the gym hard & also gained confidence.
I somehow started to see that I am “outgrowing” my weed friends.

Being close to 26 birthday I was little devastated since non of my busssiness idea worked. I had to find a job. This is the point where I started to smoking from morning till night again, but strangely it made me really depressed. I couldn't be inside the house, I was going for the walks all day to smoke cigarettes and weed.

One day I was having coffee with my friend who is really not smart (but probably my best friend) – and he said “you know… I don’t like to use drugs any more… the next I am not enjoying the things I love to do”… he was talking about ecstasy … but it really hit me – Why the **** do I smoke – it makes me sleepy all day, I skip the gym, I am unfocused, I am not socialy engaging, I am not reading, cant meditate, not working on business and it makes me depressed.

I was not setting any goal or nothing, but I just stoped smoking for a few days.

Meantime I contacted some of the wealthy people in my country and asked them if they would come to the dinner with me. I prepared some questions about life and business. Every single one of them said yes. I just somehow felt their energy and the happiness to live. They were really happy people and it made me happy to by just being with them. One of them (the one I admire the most) gave me an opportunity to work as a web developer with one of his friends. It was the best feeling I ever expirenced!
-------------------------------------------

Then…THE MOMENT… when it all begain.

After a week or a two, I was with a friend and the concert having a couple of beers and just chilling. We go out to smoke. After a couple of tokes, the first time in my life I somehow “experienced” that I was in a way better mood before smoking – like my vibrations got really strange and I did not like it. Don’t get me wrong – it was normal high, like 1203325435453 before in my life – but somehow I did not enjoy it. I said to myself “why the **** do I smoke?!”.

In the upcoming days, whenever I wanted to smoke my mind automatically recall this memory. It recalled that negative experience. First time in my life, I had no temptations to smoke. Like 0. I couldnt believe.

Around 28.12.2017 I was at the party at friends apartment where he has small living room. They were smoking. I never believed that I could get high just being in the same room. I was high. It just doubled that experience from a few weeks before. I was angry at myself why did I go there.

I made a commitment to cut out all stoners from my life. Not in terms, they are bad or evil. I just can't be around smokers anymore. I really care about them all and wish them all the best.


I must say that everything that happened to me because of the weed is not bad. It made me who I am today, I don’t regret anything. It also took me on the path I am today There was a lot of great and awesome moments in my life being high. I really enjoyed carefree nights with enormous joints, best skunk available, listening to rap, drinking beer.

I count the “end weed day” as 1.1.2018.

I was well prepared for quitting. By this day I was taking omega 3, vitamins, diet with little sugar, a lot of exercise, meditation and morning routine.

But PAWS… this is something I really did not expect and I thought that there is something wrong with me. This is where reading this forum helped me the most!

Will update my journey once per month and go through the symptoms and progress I made.
dirtySanchez
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#1

Postby exstonerinhell » Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:26 am

Good luck, man. It's tough but doable. You're not alone. Just keep at it and you'll get through.
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