Whats wrong with me?

Postby 4dvz » Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:20 am

I`m a person who is always both happy and melancholic. I can laugh about anything in my life that`s not good, because none of it matters to me, and I enjoy it. Nothing can take my happiness away from me, nor really make me a lot more happier than I already am, because happiness is a constant state deep inside of me, that can`t be touched. I don`t have bad days or bad moods, only a constant state of happiness which can`t be affected by anything happening in this world. All my days and moods are the same. I don`t really have different moods at all, only a static happiness. If something bad happens to me, I laugh at the joke that I turned it into. I can`t take life seriously, it`s just funny.

I can`t enjoy anything that I find normal. I don`t enjoy stuff that I see people enjoying. That really doesn`t bother me though.

I only enjoy activities that make me feel adrenaline, risk, danger, sense of unknown, wonder, rush, awe, arousal etc you name it. Unless there are those kinds of qualities in an activity, it`s impossible for me to become interested in it and I really mean it. Doing something I find boring is untolerable for me.

The spare time I have from my work is sometimes a bit frustrating, because it needs to be filled with these kinds of activities. If I fail to do find such activities, I can really become a pain in the *** even for myself. This however doesn`t touch my state of happiness, it only makes me frustrated. Being at home without anything to do is a situation I don`t accept. I need to come up with something to do, every day of my life.

I`m prone to developing addictions to the things I find enjoyable because of these needs of mine, but I`m also capable of dealing with them, and accepting them as they are and creating solutions for them. I`ve had to learn how to cope with my mind for such a long time (over 10 years since I made these realizations for the first time), that I find it amusing to collect addictions. Craving for something is an enjoyable state for me, because it makes me feel desire. When I believe one of my addictions is going too far, I switch to another and dump the previous one for time being.

I don`t enjoy the company of people in general, and my social life only consists of my loved one. I have a few friends, but I don`t enjoy spending time with them other than partying every now and then, it`s just unpleasant for me. I`m very happy with this arrangement, because I truly enjoy solitude even amongst people, and my loved one is all I really need from other humans. I can however be good with people if I want to, so coping with them is not a problem for me, I just don`t care about them.

I love my life and enjoy it, but I know that there is something deeply wrong with me.

If this sounds familiar to anyone reading this, please let me know and help me to develop myself. I have come across many theories about my condition, but everytime I start believing in one I find a fundamental problem in it and need to start from the scratch.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Mar 25, 2018 1:04 pm

4dvz wrote: I know that there is something deeply wrong with me.


Imagine instead of this mental state it was a physical hypothetical. The individual goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I have a scratch on my finger, my knee hurts when it rains, my nose runs in the Spring, it is sometimes difficult to climb stairs, and when I eat pizza my stomach is upset. None of these things are big issues, but I know something is deeply wrong with me.”

If you were the doctor how would you solve this case?

The reason for asking is the issue could be a result of specific decision strategies you are using, or more than likely it is just an issue of not transferring these strategies.
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#2

Postby quietvoice » Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:56 pm

4dvz wrote:I`m a person who is always both happy and melancholic. I can laugh about anything in my life that`s not good, because none of it matters to me, and I enjoy it. Nothing can take my happiness away from me, nor really make me a lot more happier than I already am, because happiness is a constant state deep inside of me, that can`t be touched. I don`t have bad days or bad moods, only a constant state of happiness which can`t be affected by anything happening in this world. All my days and moods are the same. I don`t really have different moods at all, only a static happiness. If something bad happens to me, I laugh at the joke that I turned it into. I can`t take life seriously, it`s just funny.

I can`t enjoy anything that I find normal. I don`t enjoy stuff that I see people enjoying. That really doesn`t bother me though.

I only enjoy activities that make me feel adrenaline, risk, danger, sense of unknown, wonder, rush, awe, arousal etc you name it. Unless there are those kinds of qualities in an activity, it`s impossible for me to become interested in it and I really mean it. Doing something I find boring is untolerable for me.

The spare time I have from my work is sometimes a bit frustrating, because it needs to be filled with these kinds of activities. If I fail to do find such activities, I can really become a pain in the *** even for myself. This however doesn`t touch my state of happiness, it only makes me frustrated. Being at home without anything to do is a situation I don`t accept. I need to come up with something to do, every day of my life.

I`m prone to developing addictions to the things I find enjoyable because of these needs of mine, but I`m also capable of dealing with them, and accepting them as they are and creating solutions for them. I`ve had to learn how to cope with my mind for such a long time (over 10 years since I made these realizations for the first time), that I find it amusing to collect addictions. Craving for something is an enjoyable state for me, because it makes me feel desire. When I believe one of my addictions is going too far, I switch to another and dump the previous one for time being.

I don`t enjoy the company of people in general, and my social life only consists of my loved one. I have a few friends, but I don`t enjoy spending time with them other than partying every now and then, it`s just unpleasant for me. I`m very happy with this arrangement, because I truly enjoy solitude even amongst people, and my loved one is all I really need from other humans. I can however be good with people if I want to, so coping with them is not a problem for me, I just don`t care about them.

I love my life and enjoy it, but I know that there is something deeply wrong with me.

If this sounds familiar to anyone reading this, please let me know and help me to develop myself. I have come across many theories about my condition, but everytime I start believing in one I find a fundamental problem in it and need to start from the scratch
.

I don't see anything wrong with you.

If you care to explore meditation practices, it could possibly be of help.

I am curious as to your general diet, but you don't have to answer that. I have, in recent years, found in online communities testimonials of many people feeling better about life in general who clean up their regular dietary habits of the processed foods and such, and move toward a diet based on raw foods and such, or at least toward a whole-food plant-based diet.

Carry on.
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