stuck at work

#135

Postby Candid » Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:45 am

You're right, worries happen. When you're accustomed to worrying about every little detail of your life, it's a hard habit to break.

When you think of something to worry about, say STOP! in your mind and think about something else. It comes back, you say STOP! again.

There isn't enough going on in your life. You need company, laughter, fun, and something to interest you.

Bad thoughts come to mind. You don't have to give them a chair to sit on.
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#136

Postby desperate788 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:57 am

If it were so easy..say stop and worries gone..It would be great. Indeed there is nothing in my life except worries I don't enjoy anything what can I do.
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#137

Postby Candid » Mon Jul 23, 2018 7:15 am

It's up to you to find something you enjoy. With the best will in the world, no one can do that for you.

Unless you have something good to think about, your mind is going to keep fixing on everything that might go wrong.

Are you worth saving, desperate? Would you like to be happy? Do you believe you deserve better? What dreams did the little boy have about how life would be when you grew up?

I know all about shattered dreams. As a child I assumed my life would be the same as my parents' had been... with one difference. I knew I was a writer, that nothing could stop me writing, and I would go on writing even if what I wrote had zero effect on anyone else. I've been luckier than that, but not as lucky as I expected to be. Thing is, I haven't stopped. It's something I do for the love of it.

My life is nothing like my parents' lives were. That wasn't what I wanted. I craved adventure, and I've had it. At 62 I often wonder whether there's any adventure left, but the inner adventure -- the one we have in our own minds -- never goes away.

From what you write here, it looks like your life is one long unrelieved worry.

Use your imagination. Have a fantasy about what life could be like if it was GOOD, then see what you can do about making it come true.
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#138

Postby desperate788 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 7:21 am

My mind is in a terrible condition. I have depression anxiety..It may even be physically damaged. Maybe I have to struggle despite these but I choose the easy way and waste my life sleeping and worrying.
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#139

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 6:43 am

desperate788 wrote:I choose the easy way and waste my life sleeping and worrying.


It's good that you've acknowledged it's a choice.

You can choose differently any time you like.
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#140

Postby desperate788 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 7:08 am

I have mental problems that causes the easy choice
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#141

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 8:19 am

For some reason you prefer to go on believing everything's hopeless.

You often ask whether things such as walking or drinking are bad for your mental health. They aren't.

The worst thing you can do for your mental health is to keep telling yourself you're depressed, anxious, worried, unhappy and mentally ill.

The second worst thing you can do for your mental health is to declare that your problems are so terrible, you can't do anything about them.
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#142

Postby desperate788 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 8:24 am

It's my brain chemistry..It damaged due to stress, stress hormones and anxiety over activity
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#143

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 9:58 am

This doesn't sound like a medical diagnosis, my friend. It sounds like you explaining/justifying your despair. All you're doing is creating more reasons why you can't feel happy and successful. This will keep you stuck unless and until you change your mind.

That doesn't mean you need head drugs or some kind of operation. It doesn't even mean you need therapy, although someone in the room with you can point out your faulty thinking more effectively than I can.

This is how I see you:

1) You are thoughtful and considerate. I've never known you be anything other than pleasant and supportive to people here.
2) You're a reliable employee. You keep showing up and doing the job year after year.
3) You're a good son. You care deeply about your mother and will always offer her support when you think she needs it.
4) You're loyal and generous. You were always taking g for meals or coffee, even buying her clothes.
5) You're a good friend. Your co-workers like you.
6) You're intelligent. You communicate fluently in English, slang English, and presumably Turkish as well.

For years now, possibly most of your life, you've been telling yourself your situation is hopeless. Very few people's lives are hopeless, and yours certainly isn't. But if you declare yourself hopeless, the game's over. You've defeated yourself.

When I urge you to change your mind, all I mean is to get rid of the negative chatter you seem to live with permanently. The only way to stop that destructive mental noise is to crowd it out with more optimistic thoughts about yourself. You could start with the things I've written about you.

I AM thoughtful and considerate. I AM a reliable employee. I AM a good son. I AM loyal and generous. I AM a good friend. I AM intelligent.

Follow up with:

I can make good decisions.
I will always support myself, be on my own side.
I enjoy great physical and mental health.
I can trust my own judgment as to what's right for me.

I see you constantly beating yourself up, never giving yourself a break. You're much kinder to everyone else than you are to yourself. Then you wonder why you're surrounded by 'jerks' who take advantage of your good nature.

I'm not going to ignore your relationship with your father as a factor in how you feel about yourself. You can't go back and change it, but that doesn't mean you're stuck with it. As the saying goes, the best revenge is living well. You have everything you need to do that.

I'm not aiming to change anything about you; I think you're a lovely and lovable man, just as you are. I just wish that for your sake you could see that, too.
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#144

Postby desperate788 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:14 am

Wow that was long..thanks for the compliments candid..They mean mucheck and they are soothing..mu concern is if my condition is caused by a chemical disturbance how trying to be optimist will cure that I'm negative and pessimist because of chemical disturbance
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#145

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:21 am

It’s been proven over and over again that just thinking about something causes your brain to release neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that allow it to communicate with parts of itself and your nervous system. Neurotransmitters control virtually all of your body’s functions, from hormones to digestion to feeling happy, sad, or stressed.

Studies have shown that thoughts alone can improve vision, fitness, and strength. The placebo effect, as observed with fake operations and sham drugs for example, works because of the power of thought. Expectancies and learned associations have been shown to change brain chemistry and circuitry which results in real physiological and cognitive outcomes, such as less fatigue, lower immune system reaction, elevated hormone levels, and reduced anxiety.

According to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist, founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, humans are evolutionarily wired with a negativity bias. In other words, our minds naturally focus on the bad and discard the good. This is because it was much more important for our ancestors to avoid threats than to collect rewards: An individual who successfully avoided a threat would wake up the next morning and have another opportunity to collect a reward, but an individual who didn’t avoid the threat would have no such opportunity.

Thus, the human brain evolved to focus on threats. Millennials are no stranger to stress and depression, especially when it’s work related...

~ https://www.thoughtsonlifeandlove.com/h ... chemistry/
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#146

Postby desperate788 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:25 am

Yes I understand what you think can effect physical. My negativity is probably caused to exposure to excessive stress and stress hormones
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#147

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:26 am

Any form of negative rumination—for example, worrying about your financial future or health—will stimulate the release of destructive neurochemicals. And the same holds true for children: the more negative thoughts they have, the more likely they are to experience emotional turmoil. But if you teach them to think positively, you can turn their lives around.

~ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog ... -the-world
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#148

Postby desperate788 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:28 am

More worry more destruction..more destruction even more worry
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#149

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:44 am

Yes. When are you going to give it up? The circuit-breaker works when you make a good decision and stick to it.
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