My appearance

Postby Penelopebridget » Thu Mar 29, 2018 9:05 pm

Hello everyone,

Lately something has been bothering me. I have had a few people say to me directly and indirectly (hearing through other people) that 'I look better than I used to' appearance wise and stuff like 'she looks really good lately'.

This is obviously a complement but it really upsets me...I get it that people have opinions, fair enough, but still, I'm starting to wish others wouldn't judge me on my appearance.

I just feel bad about myself like there was a younger me that was inadequate. It's like a part of me is really anxious that I will 'look worse' and I feel as though I can't relax about my appearance now.

It sounds sad, but I wish I was a child again when I didn't worry so much about the way I look and I just had fun and was more carefree.

Has anyone else experienced this? Could someone give me further insight as to why this is upsetting me so much?
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Mar 29, 2018 9:23 pm

It is normal and to some extent healthy for us to protect our egos. What I mean by ego, are those things that create our self-identity.

If I'm a chef and I hear someone say, "the meal was (insert opinion)," my ears perk up. If they didn't like it, if they criticize, then it bothers me. I define myself by my food!!! I'm a chef damnit.

On the other hand, if my identity is one of a musician and cooking isn't my thing, then if someone says, "the meal was crap," I don't care. But, mention my music and I will be much more interested.

You define yourself by your appearance. Why?

While it is very natural for appearance to be a component of self-identity, if it bothers you to this extent, to the point you wish to be a child again, then it shows you are probably too attached. You have an unhealthy attachment and don't have other, more valued ways in which you identify yourself.

And wanting to be a child again is another issue of how you identify. It means you don't want to identify as an adult. That isn't very healthy either.

What are the healthy ways you identify? Do you identify as a chef, a musician, a teacher, a parent? If your profession is model, if you identify as a model, then being more sensitive to comments about appearance to protect the ego might be more reasonable.
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