Question and Suggestions

Postby harlequinn » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:14 pm

Hey, new to this website. Ill give a LONG summary before I ask my main questions.

I am a 26 year old male adult and have been smoking marijuana for about 6-7 years VERY consistently. I did start when I was 16 or 17, but back then, I was never addicted to the substance. I would only smoke up with friends on special occasions just to fit in the the atmosphere. The heavy smoking, the point where I started calling dealers myself, came when I was roughly 21 or 22. I went through some personally devastating rollercoaster-like issues during this time.

I was born into a rich family where even my parents were spoiled. During my freshman university year, I was already living out on my own attending University since I had to leave the country. During the same year, my father decided to giddy up and "steal" the entire family's finances, including my mother's parent's finances as well... and both my maternal grandparents are over 90. Both my maternal grandparents ended up being in the hospital after they found my father had written a will and left the family.

Let the hilarity ensue.. As the firstborn ever to the family of the generation, I thought I had to make the effort of at least trying to reach out to him. Figured out he ran away to get married with some young sleeze he met at a bar (His best friend is a agent for a label and I had auditioned for that label, only to know my father made a f***ing bigass scene so that i would not get picked. The same best friend told me because he and I also have a mentor -student relationship). Now sh** hit the fan, and everything started spiraling down.

During my second year, my parents had fully divorced and my mom, who was probably the most spoiled person I have ever met in my life, had NEVER worked a job before. Keep in mind I also had a baby brother who was about grade 11 at this point. Now guess what I had to do? Worked my donkey day and night while attending full time classes to support myself, and my mother and brother that were in another country. During my finals, my father f***ing pops up in front of my house to tell me he got cheesed. Holy shieeeet. A student who had a GPA of 3.9 first semester ended up failing ocer half of his exams. luxkily I was able to appeal to my profs and moved into third year.

This was my breaking point. I couldnt pay 50k in tuition every year so I dropped out. Started working like a mule (18 hrs a day) and ended up cribbing with other coworkers. The daily weed began. Our washroom was huge so we actually placed a sofa there and hotboxed with hot steam. To be honest, those were glorious days. I met my curent girlfriend during this time and we have been together for almost 6 years now. Weed actually helped me find more stability during this period.

Right now, I know I am reliant on weed. I know that if I smoke weed before meeting an unpleasant person, I won't be a dick, Ill actually be too lazy to be a dick. I know that I can talk to my mom for longer than 5 minutes when I am high, because when Im not, half the stuff she says to me is ridiculous and we argue a lot. There was a point where even my girlfriend wanted me to smoke eveytime she felt an argument coming. I am somewhat picky with people around my age. For example, my girlfriend's best male friend is a dumbass and I hate meeting this guy. He is 27 years old, still gets allowance from his parents, doesnt have a job, cheats on his girlfriends, gambles, swears at his parents for not giving him enough money, and thinks he is the boss of everyone. Literally. First minute I met this guy, he told me to go grab him a cup of water and some food....Wtf mate? Reason him and my girl are best friends is that they have known each other since they were babies and he gives her wads of money at random intervals (Asian parents know each other, he's older than my girl so sometimes when the guy's parents give her allowance, they kinda go through him to get to her). I CANNOT meet this guy with a straight mind and the weed helps me from punching the crap out of him every time I meet him.

My current situation is stable. I work as a manager for two restuarants under the same boss. I barely go to work through because my boss has placed absolute trust in me and my results have always been good. Racked up sales by at least a consistent 40%, allowing him to open more restaurants. I am attending college with a perfect GPA of 4.0. I am able to save money per month even though I use about $500-600 a month on smoking weed and cigs. I dont drink because it is way too expensive for me (high tolerance kills) because I have to spend quite a bit of money to get tipsy. Beer doesnt get me drunk and a litre of Teq gets me started. Another bottle to get me tipsy. I dont have a car because I find it is a useless item in the area I live in (subways and bus are much cheaper and done well enough that it doesnt bother me) as well as my car-flipping car crash trauma. Only problem, I dont have a mortgage on a house yet (dont know if I want to stay living in this city after graduation)

Now questions...

I know I can quit weed (at least a month long/done it before multiple times when the situation asked for it, didnt try to stop and went back to it ASAP), but I am not confident about wanting to quit weed... I honestly still want to smoke. Should I quit when people around me are worried? Or try to convince them that I am better off with it? Am I so far gone that I am blind to the repercussions of the substance?

Following the example above, my girl is now convinced that the weed is what is making me more aggressive against people like her friend, but my belief is that i am just getting older and realizing that I am wasting time meeting a guy like that. Who is being more sensible here? Am I too wary of this or is it her overreacting and blaming my weed smoking?

Quick recap. Dont really want to quit but people around me are blaming my weed consumption for my actions. Is it truly the weed? or is this just life and relationships with people?

My life is a stress bomb. Mom telling me to get married (so not ready for that), girlfriend parents telling me to buy a house, Father pops up once in a while for allowance, friends arguing with me cuz I am too busy with my life and they also blame my 6 year dating (they mostly all single, none long relationship) and the weed (they are alchoholics). Boss asking me to manage another store (im still a please). And Im without a father that I can go to for my mental health.

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Postby harlequinn » Fri Mar 30, 2018 3:16 pm

I apologize for the censored words, the moment of writing got the best of me and my tone.
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Postby gsaint28 » Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:21 pm

hey man, check your inbox, I sent you a message in regards to your situation.

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Postby laureat » Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:24 am

with positive thinking and confidence there also comes motivation

you are not about to be willing to do something without having a positive reward about it, neither you are about to try if it seems too hard to do it

but you have to think about positive side; life is going to be better if you do it and its worth keep trying
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Mar 31, 2018 2:40 am

harlequinn wrote: I use about $500-600 a month on smoking weed and cigs.

My life is a stress bomb.


People use different ways to manage stress. There are healthy and unhealthy ways. A $600 chemical dependency falls under unhealthy.

There will NEVER be a time in life that doesn’t come with stress...unless you are getting a 4.0 with some idea that you will use that degree isolated on a desert island, removed from social interaction or any worldly ambitions. Engaging in life = stress.

We are what we repeatedly do. We habituate. Chemical dependency ensures that habituation continues.

At age 27, 28...30, transitioning to healthy ways to deal with stress, is not easy. It takes concerted effort to disengage and replace ways we manage stress. It’s just neurology needing to rewire and that doesn’t happen without repetition.

A bit of chemical use is common. A beer, a glass of wine, a toke...easy, quick, effortless ways to manage a bit of stress. What you are doing doesn’t fall under that category.
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