Quit journal

#180

Postby George from UK » Sat Jul 21, 2018 10:58 am

13 weeks today since i quit weed.

Hello all, so not too much change since my last weekly update really. I hardly ever think about going back on the weed. It's not that i never think about it at all, but it's generally a fleeting thought with little pull on me.

I suppose it's because of the length of time i smoked Marijuana for, i smoked it so long and so consistently day and night (20 plus years) that i truly know deep down there is nothing more i can gain from it. I truly took that ride to the very very very bitter end, lol.

I don't rest on my laurels though and i know i can never be complacent with weed. And i'm the sort of addict who could fall back into at anytime if i "just tried it once". Anyway, i suppose this is why (and i know this is the addict in me speaking) i don't kick myself too much for getting drunk once a week. Which links me nicely onto the next topic of Alcohol!...

...Alcohol, now i think about it I've been abusing alcohol even longer than cannabis. (and I've been abusing tobacco even longer that alcohol, but that's another story) Alcohol has been in my life since i was probably around, 15 years old. I didn't try weed until i was about 18 i think?! Maybe 17 at the youngest!

So anyway i'm still getting drunk once a week. I when i say drunk i mean; Black out, can't remember what i did last night drunk. i'm always at home doing this though so i limit the risk of endangering myself and others.
Now, i'm not proud of this and i'm aiming to rid myself of this addiction too. I'll probably need AA as i highly doubt i can conquer it alone. Anyway i think I've typed enough for this weekly update. Now just to proof read it, break it down into readable paragraphs and correct mistakes.

I hope you're all doing at least as well as i am. If i can do it i KNOW anyone can do it. I was a truly hopeless case with little hope in the beginning of my journey. And here i am. I know i'm always doing "sayings" but one I've never forgotten and still use this one with my alcohol and tobacco addition to this day...


"Never give up, giving up!"


Peace out brothers and sisters,

I'm sending you my prayers to get well and stay well!

George
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#181

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun Jul 22, 2018 2:14 am

Oi G!

Hey brother, keep on it. I don't have to tell you what you already know. Alcohol is just so easy to get, and the culture just pushes it.
It maybe time for outside help. Blackout drunk is no good, ever. But at our age, unacceptable.

Don't give up mate. There's another life out there waiting for you. Time ain't up yet, but that fkn clock is ticking real loud. I know what side o the line you want to be on, and you can be there.

Stay strong!
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#182

Postby George from UK » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:45 am

Cali-Detroit wrote:Oi G!

Hey brother, keep on it. I don't have to tell you what you already know. Alcohol is just so easy to get, and the culture just pushes it.
It maybe time for outside help. Blackout drunk is no good, ever. But at our age, unacceptable.

Don't give up mate. There's another life out there waiting for you. Time ain't up yet, but that fkn clock is ticking real loud. I know what side o the line you want to be on, and you can be there.

Stay strong!



Thanks Cali, that's just what i needed to hear. I hope you're are doing well too?

G
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#183

Postby George from UK » Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:00 am

14 weeks today off the weed today.

Morning all. So I've not really had much of a problem staying off the weed. i think even my addict brain realizes there's nothing more i can possibly get from smoking it. I mean smoking it for 20 years plus from waking first thing, to an hour or two before bedtime and every hour of everyday. Maybe even my diseased brain has had enough of it, heh.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking cause i always start to crave getting high again around this length of time into my quits in the past. I'll press on like a solider regardless.

And that's why i can't kick myself too much for the black out drunks i have once a week. And again, right on cue after my working week was finished, my addict brain was counting down the days till i could get completely black out drunk again to switch this whirling mind of mine off for a few hours.

So Thursday afternoon rolled around and i couldn't wait to get home and start drinking. during my drunk i made phone calls to people i never call, i even phoned an escort girl out of desperate loneliness, lol. I never employed her though, i'm far too tight to part with money for sex. Even when black out drunk apparently.

So That's about it. I do hope to stop this drinking habit still, but when you've had such a serious weed addiction like me it's hardly of any consequence, compared to the messed up life I've lead for most of my life. My drinking habit at the moment takes away about one and a half days out of my week, and i suppose i can live with that for the time being.

It's half the day getting drunk and the whole of the next day ruined with a hangover where all i can do is eat junk food and sleep. The trouble is i know the insidious trap that alcohol has had on me in the past. It's goes from getting hammered on alcohol once a week, to twice a week and that's where it starts to really effect my life. My hobbies start to take a back seat as does my job. And i start getting depressed and feelings of despair and hopelessness start setting in.

Anyway that's about all i can think of for this update.

Peace of love to you all in the struggle. It's bound to get better if we just keep on keeping on, right!

George
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#184

Postby W0ke » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:28 pm

Hi George,

Just to say your story really resonates with me. Hope you are doing good x
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#185

Postby Cali-Detroit » Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:04 am

Brother G, what's the good word?
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#186

Postby George from UK » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:49 am

17 weeks off of the weed today

What's good family? Hi Cali, here's the good word, haha...

So here i am at 17 weeks off the devils lettuce. I still think about getting stoned here and there, maybe even more often than when i first quit. But it doesn't hold much weight with me. And the thought soon looses it's appeal when i think of the sheer devastation that stuff had on most of my life (certainly all my adult life). I don't get obsessed over the thought of buying weed and start planning out how and when i'm gonna get some, like every time I've relapsed in the past. I've also realised my thought's are just that, thoughts. it's down to me if i act upon them and if i can't do what's best for me as a 39 year old man then i'm probably screwed lol.

As you all can probably tell, i don't update this journal quite as often, because i just feel it's unnecessary. One thing that happened recently that made me smile to myself was, my old dealer text me saying he's trying to get rid of some stuff and wants to know if iv'e still quit. My reply was short and sweat... "Yes mate I've still quit". He's lost his cash cow now i'm not buying his rubbish, haha.

Like I've said before i was probably paying for the guys mortgage while living in my moms basement. I still live with my mum by the way. And still trying to grow my small business. But that's another story

I'm still getting drunk once a week and managing to keep it under control. I know this isn't gonna be popular on here but, i think me being able to get wrecked out my head once per week is keeping my desires for getting stoned under control in a wired way, you know?

Anyway's, peace out

P.S. By the way, i think if i update this journal about once a month, that should be enough?!

George
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#187

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sun Aug 19, 2018 5:39 pm

Devil's lettuce...hahaha, love it. Someone else here called it "jazz cabbage". That made me laugh. It's funny, though, without weed, jazz music doesn't sound nearly as cool and interesting as I always thought it did when high.

Glad your doing well. I'm at 4.5 months, working through it.

I'm still getting drunk once a week and managing to keep it under control. I know this isn't gonna be popular on here but, i think me being able to get wrecked out my head once per week is keeping my desires for getting stoned under control in a wired way, you know?


Uhh, yeah, is that really so weird? You're still able to get fkd up, just not using weed. I'd like to get my Percocet prescription filled, but I won't because I'd just be substituting one for the other. I really want to see this work.

You mentioned your "addict brain" many time before. That brain applies to all substances, not just weed. It's not selective. Why blackout drunk, or even drunk, instead of stopping at a few, after a nice buzz? Only you know that. Just speaking from a place of concern, that's all. I think I'd try those meetings if I were you.

I know you're doing your best, as we all are. Hang in there. Well done on the 17 weeks!

Take care
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