Quit journal

#165

Postby George from UK » Wed Jun 20, 2018 5:12 pm

Cali-Detroit wrote:Heya George, good to hear ya. Hope you're well...or doing a bit better anyway.



Hey Cali, I'm hanging in there mate. I'm off training GJJ/BJJ in a bit. How's things with you?

G
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#166

Postby Cali-Detroit » Wed Jun 20, 2018 5:14 pm

Bagobones wrote:I dont know about that though. Do you remember the first times you got really high? I bet you where so out in space that you could not even order a breakfast burrito on your local tacobell. Or was it In-N-Out Burger? hehe.. I had a period where i could not plan anything after I quit, but after that it was so much easier to deal with the life stressors.. Or sober me found out that life was not very stressful at all.. I made it stressfull by being high on a psychoactive drug while trying to do stuff all the time... :)


Yes!! That makes much sense. I am benefiting from not being nearly as emotional about shyte, which goes completely counter to the "mellow stoner" vibe. At first, yeah, but in the later years, it does make everything more difficult.

In n out Burger, all day man! Although having grown up out here, it's more about the name now. The original family sold out, and why not for all those millions, but the quality took a dip. It's still good and the price is right, but yeah, I have to be one of those guys.

Cali-Detroit wrote:Onward and upward...


Bagobones wrote:Is George turning you into a brit now? haha.. Try some Detroit street slang instead.. Now thats excotic mad language for us europeans here !!!!



Haha, always been a very, very slight Anglophile anyway, so it's just an excuse to say those lovely words and phrases. 90% of Detroit slang has something to do with violence of some sort, so I avoid all that. A favorite for a long time that isn't though is when something is good you say "Sheeeet, dats like downtown, only not as crowded"

Not sure if that will translate across the water, but there it is..lol
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#167

Postby George from UK » Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:54 am

DAY 64

So i had a lapse yesterday, with alcohol not weed, still no desire for weed hardly at all. Last night i got drunk. I actually didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i would. It did work to stop my brain going a million miles an hour though. I think playing loud music plus the alcohol did the trick to dumb my brain for a while. I'm hoping as i get better at meditation this will do the same job "meditate don't medicate"

And surprisingly I've hardly got a hangover at all. I woke up with a mid to medium strength headache and took two paracetamol, went back to sleep, woke up with headache again and thirst. Drank water took 2 ibuprofen and now feel pretty good actually

So i'm on day 1 again of my alcohol quit and day 64 off of the weed. I can see this lapse being a slippery slope to getting into drinking often again because i'm an addict and can't seem to moderate but i'm determined to stay off it.

Even if i lapsed once every 2 or 3 months with one drinking session i'd be ok-ish with that i suppose. But my goal is still to be 100% sober.

Anyway, i hope this isn't a green light for anyone reading this to start drinking again. You must understand weed was my drug of choice, i can't lapse on weed else i end up straight back into full time daily use. If you are with alcohol as i am with weed this would be a big no no!!!

Back on the alcohol free wagon George
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#168

Postby George from UK » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:02 am

Just to officially recap...

DAY 64 (off Weed)

DAY 1 (off Alcohol)

George
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#169

Postby Bagobones » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:39 am

George from UK wrote:DAY 64

So i had a lapse yesterday


Did you go to the AA meeting Georg? I think this would be a very very good time to start... You have said it yourself, muscle through it, you have tried before..

Its time to bring out the big guns! The navy seal quotes on you.. hehe..

There are two ways to do something, the right way, and again.

Individuals play the game, teams beat the odds

And remember in Navy Seal and in recovery;

The only easy day was yesterday
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#170

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sat Jun 23, 2018 4:22 pm

George from UK wrote:Even if i lapsed once every 2 or 3 months with one drinking session i'd be ok-ish with that i suppose. But my goal is still to be 100% sober.


No no no no no mate....right there you're just giving yourself cautious permission in advance to go ahead and get fkd up, even occasionally. Except every couple of months would turn into every month, then "Hey, it's just once a week...no big deal, I'm still in control".

Your mind is playing tricks on you in real time my friend, and it's undermining the progress you've worked so hard for. Bones has solid advice on this; get to a meeting straight away.
Nip this in the bud, as they say.

Well done on the weed, keep it up!

Maybe get rolling a couple times a week on a regular basis. Seems to be a real good thing for you. Be well brother
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#171

Postby George from UK » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:05 pm

Bagobones wrote:
George from UK wrote:DAY 64

So i had a lapse yesterday


Did you go to the AA meeting Georg? I think this would be a very very good time to start... You have said it yourself, muscle through it, you have tried before..

Its time to bring out the big guns! The navy seal quotes on you.. hehe..

There are two ways to do something, the right way, and again.

Individuals play the game, teams beat the odds

And remember in Navy Seal and in recovery;

The only easy day was yesterday


Hi there,

I haven't attended an AA meeting yet no.

Thanks for the quotes!

George
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#172

Postby George from UK » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:07 pm

Cali-Detroit wrote:
George from UK wrote:Even if i lapsed once every 2 or 3 months with one drinking session i'd be ok-ish with that i suppose. But my goal is still to be 100% sober.


No no no no no mate....right there you're just giving yourself cautious permission in advance to go ahead and get fkd up, even occasionally. Except every couple of months would turn into every month, then "Hey, it's just once a week...no big deal, I'm still in control".

Your mind is playing tricks on you in real time my friend, and it's undermining the progress you've worked so hard for. Bones has solid advice on this; get to a meeting straight away.
Nip this in the bud, as they say.

Well done on the weed, keep it up!

Maybe get rolling a couple times a week on a regular basis. Seems to be a real good thing for you. Be well brother


Thanks for the great advice Cali!

Peace brother

George
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#173

Postby George from UK » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:13 pm

DAY 66 (off weed)

DAY 3 (off alcohol)

Hi folks

So due to my lapse with alcohol the other day, right on cue, my addict brain as started coming up with ways i can start drinking again. So far my addiction as all but convinced me i can start drinking once a week, but no more. "We can just get drunk once a week now and were able to control it. Just once a week to wash away the swirling thoughts that go a thousand miles an hour" Lol

Dear me hey, i just don't know really. Cali and Bagobones on here are like the angels on one shoulder while my addiction is the devil pulling me back on the other shoulder.

I know the advice off here is the best way to go; to start going to AA meetings.

That's about all I've got to say tonight, nearly bedtime now. Goodnight all!

Weed free Gee
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#174

Postby Cali-Detroit » Tue Jun 26, 2018 3:14 am

Hang in there dude, you got it!
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#175

Postby George from UK » Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:29 pm

10 weeks weed free as of Saturday 30 June

Hi everyone, so I've in total two lapses with alcohol; Fri 22 June was the first alcohol lapse, and Wed 27 June was the second and i hardly ever think about weed. But i must admit, I've started thinking how weed was better then getting drunk now I've let alcohol in for a short time.

We all know how the disease of addiction works here i think. So it's no surprise when i had my first lapse on alcohol my addict brain went straight to looking for excuses of how i can have the occasional drink, haha.

Has you can see from the dates above i can soon fall into drinking regularly. I thought i could have a drink once every few months but once i open up that door my way of thinking changes. Cause then I've allowed alcohol back in and it's always on my mind, counting down the weeks until i'm allowed my next drunk fix.

Then before i know it i say; oh sod it, I'll have a drink when i feel like having a drink, or some nonsense excuse.
Note to self, i've gotta get over the fear of taking my first AA meeting.

Goodnight,

Weed free Gee.
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#176

Postby Cali-Detroit » Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:08 pm

WFG, I like it! Right on dude, keep pushing through. It's not a neat and easy process we know that. You know what's up already mate, you'll do the right thing. Keel it up
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#177

Postby Bagobones » Tue Jul 03, 2018 1:12 am

AA, man!! Get the help you need! No one ever was not scares of that door the first time, and no one ever regretted going.. You know that George. I believe in you. My cousin fled to zurich to get away from the uk pub culture. He is now a sober refugee in Zurich, that fled the uk bar culture. Its not easy.. Especially not in the uk with the alcohol culture there..
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#178

Postby Bagobones » Tue Jul 03, 2018 1:35 am

And cali-detroit? how are you doing? I had another Detroit guy visiting in my garden saturday. Eminem had a show in the park outside my window... I had the best spot ever seeing the show from my livingroom window, with the stage like 150 feet away and looking down on 55 000 fans screaming and the stage. .. It was insane.. Detroit man.. such a fucket up city with so many cool talented people...

How is sober cali doing? have you had any good benefits yet? Give me a music tip please! what should i put on next.. i want your music tip mr... :)
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#179

Postby George from UK » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:43 am

Weed free, 12 weeks as of tomorrow: Sat 14 July 2018

Hi folks so first of all the good news is i'm 12 weeks off the weed as of tomorrow. In all honesty, i rarely even think about going back to weed.

The bad news however is I've not been successful with quitting alcohol. Just lately I've started reverting back into old patterns of getting drunk once a week. The last time i got black out drunk (2 days ago), i drank 8 bottles of corona and 6 single shots of vodka with diet coke (ready mixed cans). That's all i remember

Then the next morning i discover an extra three vodka mixer cans in the trash/bin. So i must of walked back over to the shop for another 3 cans. But for the life of me i can't remember that. At some point during the evening i ordered a takeaway, thank goodness because that knocked me out and the next thing i remember waking up of the sofa, sat upright. Then i must of gone to bed at that point

During that evening i got extremely lonely and in a pathetic depressed drunk state, where i sat and listened to old songs that reminded me of my ex girlfriend and vomited into a plastic carrier bag, embarrassing as all this is to admit publicly.

I called an old friend who wasn't available, so then called a woman off a dating website i met a few weeks ago. I probably made a complete fool of myself, but again, I've no real recollection of the phone conversation.

As you can see i'm really struggling with staying off the alcohol. The cigarettes too, but that's the least of my concerns and barely worth mentioning at this sage

George
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